Losing friends when life changes for the better!

[oxosmoothie]

I come from very humble beginnings and found I made friends with people of similar backgrounds growing up. We had similar troubles: problematic parents, difficult relationships, lack of money etc etc.

I'm now in my 30s and am still friends with some of the people I became friends with in my late teens/early20s, when I was facing a lot of these struggles still.

Ive worked hard to alter my mental health for the better, been well educated, got myself a decent job, made a decent living and changed my life around for the better. I've married a good man, with a good job and we have enough money to live on the lower end of comfortably.

We have recently moved to a bigger house, a detached house, in a nice area with a nice garden, nothing huge, but nice and comfortable. I recently invited a small group of these friends to the new house and was so excited to show them around. However the reaction I got felt a little flat they almost seemed annoyed and not happy for me at all, i sensed a bit of eye rolling actually. So I just made sure I told them how hard we've had to work for all we have. I've not been boastful I don't feel and I still go out with them and organise social events for us all.

However since inviting the 3 friends to my new house, I haven't heard from 2 of them, despite contacting them. There was also a recent night out which I wasnt invited to, I always include them all when I arrange anything. I feel a bit upset really. I'm still the same person, just worked hard and done ok for myself, but I can't help but sense their annoyance or jealously I guess. Which I do understand, I know a couple of them really struggle to get by. I just thought they may be happy for me? Is that too much to ask though? How can I change the way I relate to them so that they can continue to like me and we can continue to be friends, despite us having a different quality of life?

I'm fucking nosy, I love it if people want to show me round their houses, resent it if they don't offer!

I'm honestly amazed that anyone admits to being that nosy. If people have a lovely home then good for them but I have never been interested in other people's houses (surely once you have seen one bedroom etc you have seen them all) and wouldn't expect them to be interested in mine.

Who's pissed in your tea today Drusilla ?

Just surprised at how many nosy feckers there are in the world and even more surprising that they admit it!

Happy to admit to loving property and decor.

I'm one of those people who are hugely disadvantaged by a complete lack of imagination and original ideas so love to 'magpie' aspects to use...or avoid!

You explained to your friends that you worked hard for it, so you deserved it?

So what? Their hardworking and not getting this means they didn't work hard enough?

Sorry. I know it's hard to convey in a written post, which can be misconstrued, but you do sound a very judgy type of person.

FWIW I've worked bloody hard my entire life, but I have very little to show for it (relationships broken down, made redundant etc etc) Does that mean you're better than me?! I've been rich and now I'm poor. But I'm still the same nice person. You sound a little like you're defined by how much money you have?

I don't think you sound particularly smug, I think you have to accept sometimes that friendships shift from time to time. I think this us more about them than you. Keep the door open for them, if they choose not to keep in touch then they are not friends. If you were my friend then I would be happy for you.

What if the op had shown her friends around her house that was bought entirely with the dh's money and there had been no hard work comment present.

Would she still be smug?

We bought a house that needed s lot of work then DP was made redundant. He is now working on a much lower salary and whilst we manage there is no spare cash to finish the house. My close friends are all a bit older and have been able to take exit packages or early retirement. They all have beautiful homes and the time and money for lots of holidays. Of course I am a bit jealous of their situations but I love to see their homes. They are sensitive to our situation when arranging nights out and some of them are actually quite frugal on a day to day basis. We have also benefited from some of their "cast offs" for our house. Just waiting for BF to get tired of her leather sofas!

Caraaspen, It always comes down to class for some people on mumsnet which is pathetic really and says more about the person obsessed with class than anyone else. Usually those people are totally insecure themselves and want to have a label of a certain class to feel good about themselves while they look down on other who they perceive to be in the classes below them.

The below statements you posted are absolutely laughable but then it is rather obvious that you are looking for an argument given your posts when the thread went quiet.

"Hmmm. I doubt it. Your post contained little touches which make me question the status to which you allude. For instance, you refer to a "great size back garden" which is clunky, as is the reference to the position of the garden irrelevant".

I think Tatianalarina's post has summed you up perfectly:

"The better you feel about yourself, the less you need to haunt an Internet thread bitching at the OP".