Help me respond (or not) to this message

[TellMeHowToLiveMyLife]

Just had a friend request on Facebook from a woman I didn't recognise. I saw we had a lot of friends in common from my hometown so thought was maybe someone from my school I'd forgotten about. After I accepted I had a nose through pics I realise its the wife of my first boyfriend.

A few minutes after I accept I receive this message from her "Hi TellMe, this is going to sound odd but I'm married to "Dave" who I believe you used to date? Just found some old photos of him and wondering if you can remember and let me know exactly when you broke up? Ps I'm quite normal really!"

"Dave" and I broke up properly about 9 years ago but were then shagging each other prob onc a month or so until I got together with my now dh 8 years ago. Having scrolled through this woman's profile she posted a message a few months ago saying "Happy anniversary Dave -2 kids, 5 years of marriage and 10 years of fun". That suggests to me there was some serious cross over between our relationships. Or maybe they've just known each other 10 years?

Argh, I really don't want to reply if it's going to cause a shit storm. She can see i've read the message so I need to reply don't I? Can I pretend I dont remember?

Ha! I think our relationship was pretty much based on Lambrini and cider! I'm actually quite pissed off with him too. I'd always looked back fondly on our relationship but it looks like he was actually fucking around. Bastard.

Its a very odd questions to ask. I'd ignore it. Who cares what she thinks?

I would answer saying I don't think it's my place to get involved and she should talk to her DH if she has questions about his past relationships.

Tell the truth but be vague.
We broke up 9 years ago but met up a few times casually afterwards.

If you lie and she has a photo of you together at a specific concert or something it will look v dodgy.

Say '8 or 9 years ago. It's a little fuzzy, we were all doing a lot of heroin back then..'

Yes say that. It's close enough to the truth, still shows possible overlap.

I'd say it was so long ago, you don't remember.

I genuinely wouldn't be able to remember stuff like that anyway

I'd tell her the truth personally. You've done absolutely nothing wrong so you have no reason to lie for him.

I'd say 'about 9 years ago - why are you asking?'

I'd say "we stopped seeing each other when I met my husband, about 8 years ago."

Please answer her (even vaguelly) she must have suspicions ans it must of taken so much courage for her to contact you.

Everyone's family looks lovely from the outside!!
I'd first ask her why she's asking after all this time. Then decide. After all you have done nothing wrong, so telling the truth is ok to.

I'd tell the truth, including that you weren't aware of her at the time, then explain nicely that you don't want to be drawn into any drama and that you'll be blocking her.

It isn't going to affect you rralky whether you reply or not, but your decision will affect her life massively. How would you feel in her shoes?

Why not be honest and reply with "sorry - I don't remember exactly when it was"

and then un-friend her

Something must have happened in her life recently for her to have enough of a suspicion to find you and message you, I'd tell her.

You are playing with fire and his wife is probably kicking off at him. Send a text and let it be different to what he says. I guarantee you he will not say 9 years ago. The woman has children don't get involved.

I would be honest and tell her the truth. Poor cow :(

Better to not reply than to say something unclear or misleading, imo. Surely it would be horrible to make her spell out why she wants to know or to post something vague that will leave her wondering whether to ask you again. Tell her what you've posted here.

wow.. stay away from thy keyboard lol ...

say nothing x

She has probably found some photos which puts you on the scene when she was also seeing him, and realises that you and her cross over.

I would probably not answer. She can always ask her husband about the photos.

I don't understand why other people are saying to leave it - neither of them are in the OP's life. If I was this person I'd be desperate for some clarity.

OP did nothing wrong as she didn't know about her.

Why not be honest and reply with "sorry - I don't remember exactly when it was"

and then un-friend her

But that's not honest! And it's cowardly, imo.

I think you should tell her the truth. Dave knows there's overlap (and obviously doesn't care), you now know there's overlap... It's not your fault, but it would be the kind thing to do to let her have the truth as well. Sister code and all that.

If you were in the same position, wouldn't you be desperate for a reply? Just tell her.

My ex's new wife pulled this stunt!

Ex was a cheating bastard!!!

I was deliberately a little vague. Really. Once kids are involved, you don't want to be getting involved. She knows. But she needs proof.

I would not want to go trawling up the past at all.

Even if she suspects he is having an affair now, the fact that your relationships overlapped years ago proves nothing.