DH being rude to parents

[babyblabber]

Well I think he is but am open to correction.

My parents are quite well off, we are not. Every year the pay for us, our kids and my siblings' families to stay in a lovely hotel for a long weekend. It's not the most exciting holiday, a lot of sitting around eating and drinking and chatting but it's relaxing and the kids adore it. Last year DH refused to come. He says he doesn't enjoy it. I feel he should suck it up for a few days for the kids' sake and for me a bit and to be polite to my parents too. This year I've made an excuse as to why we can't go but I think my parents know DH doesn't like it due to him saying it in front of the kids frequently and then saying something (not entirely sure what) to my sister.

Now my parents have decided to rent a big house for a few weeks in the summer in a beautiful part of the country. The idea being we could join them for a bit one of the weeks, my brother and his kids another week etc. So the offer of another free holiday for us.

DH is saying no way. He won't tell me why. He gets on well with my parents but says he's done enough holidays with them. We can't afford our own holiday this year so again, I think he could manage 3-4 days for the sake of the kids. There'd be loads of fun stuff for them locally and we could go off on day trips etc.

I can't make up another excuse but hate the idea of telling my parents thanks but no thanks. I know they will be hurt and think he doesn't like them. I'm hurt for them. I get on well with his dad, he talks non stop, loves to wind me up and I couldn't spend a fortnight with him but would happily go away for a few days with him. I don't want to (& couldnt!) force DH but I feel so stuck in the middle.

Funny how do manybof us are in the same boat as you and your DH and yet don't see it as an issue and respect the wishes of our partners.

It's only an issue if you make it one.

Unless they are rude or nasty to him then I would expect him to go. It's rather petty of him not to. He could look at it as a nice break for the kids to have with their Grandparent's but instead he is moaning about them like an immature man child.

Of course if they are rude or in any way nasty to him then I would be on his side and let him stay home. Also he knew when he married you were close to your family, so he should encourage that not begrudge it.

Don't see how saying that he doesn't want to go makes him an immature man child, poor bloke has had to go on holiday with his PIL for years. Seems like they know he doesn't like it but are manipulating the situation by booking without asking. It could be argued that the parents are putting the OP in the difficult position not the DH.

I suspect the OP won't be back.

The OP doesn't need to come back. There's a good expression of opinion on both sides of the fence and nothing more to be gained as she'll take what she wants from it.

If he can't articulate why he doesn't want to go he is behaving childishly and not like an adult. I get that it is hard to say whatever the problems are but really that is what he must do or it is unfair on his DP, she is left not knowing where the issue is (?with her).

It's not necessarily a 'holiday' just because you're in a different location.

I'd rather stay home with my family and do day trips, than be guests on someone else's holiday.

Couldn't you 'make family memories' closer to home, with just your husband and kids?

cees, he's not stopping the kids having their break with their grandparents. They can have it perfectly well without him having to be there.

If he can't articulate why he doesn't want to go he is behaving childishly and not like an adult.

Not necessarily. It may be that he just doesn't want to be rude about OP's parents.

Surely this is about communication with your DH? Why does he not want to go? Why does he not want to tell you what the reason is ? Does he think you will put your parents wishes / your obligation above his wishes? Would you ?

I know what it's like to feel trapped between family and spouse, and I was not able to resolve it satisfactorily. If it happened again, I would treat this much more seriously - go out with Just DH, leave your feeling behind, be very calm and find out what his thoughts are .... when you know, honestly, why he doesn't want to go, you can work together on a compromise.

I get it, I would love the holiday you describe, but many would not. I also wonder about your DP's ... it seems hard for you to be honest wth them.. "DH is very grateful for the offer, but he'd prefer not to come, do you think I could come alone with the children" ... would they be offended? Why ?

baffled as to why 'I don't enjoy it' is not a reason. I agree with mega that further articulation might just be plain rude. It would be if either DP or I had to explain the minutiae of what we don't enjoy about spending time with each others family. Fortunately neither of us are blind to their flaws so we don't have to push for specifics.
OP sounds quite protective of her parents. Not a bad thing necessarily but might be a reason why her DH saying 'They are dull as shit' or whatever might not be well received.

The thing is, this isn't just an "in-laws" issue. I have good friends, who I like very much and enjoy spending time with that I absolutely would not want to go on holiday with again.

It doesn't mean I don't like, respect and value them it just means that their particular habits are incompatible with mine in a living situation.

It can be as simple as one person liking to be up in the morning and organised for the day and the other preferring long lies and late nights.

No one is in the wrong but the incompatibility can drive you up the wall over the course of a holiday.