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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is he being distant or am I just overthinking?

999 replies

shenry25 · 05/01/2017 11:47

I met a guy at the start of December and we were talking every night on the phone and we then met up for a date the next weekend. He ended up staying at mine for a few days and even met my mum and brother in that time. He then came down the day before Christmas eve to visit. After this his mum invited me for Boxing Day dinner with the family which was lovely and we all got on great. From Boxing Day until Monday past, we were with each other everyday and things were great. We are officially in a relationship (on Facebook too), have said I love you (he said it first), met each other's families, have them on Facebook and I'm so happy and he said he is too. He started acting distant on Monday before I left. He was meant to be coming down to mine for a few days but then he said he had work so he couldn't. He's also had an extremely sore back and ear for the last week too so I can understand his mood not being great. He text me on Tuesday afternoon to say he has been drifting in and out of sleep because of the painkillers and he hopes I'm well and he loves me. That's the last I've heard from him. He hasn't been as active on Facebook as much either. I've sent two whatsapp messages and a snapchat and neither have even been read. I had to change my number and the two whatsapp messages were just to tell him and then I text him to ask how he was. I also tried to ring him last night because he was using my Netflix and I couldn't watch anything while he was. I don't know why he's being like this and I know I'm probably overthinking but I just wanted someone else's opinion.

OP posts:

ladygrinnings0ul · 13/01/2017 20:00

I love this thread so much !

I literally think you are bonkers but I admire you are still trying ..

Sad fact is darling he's moved on and your still trying to get feedback from him !!

usernoidea · 13/01/2017 20:00

Can we please drop this now?!

RortyCrankle · 13/01/2017 20:01

I have a spare brick wall for head bashing, should anyone need one. This is beyond ridiculous now.

OP To even think of typing that message, let alone contemplate sending it to him proves you have not taken on board a single word anyone has said on this thread. What a complete and utter waste of time.

He was not your boyfriend, he was a bloke with whom you had a two week, max three week fling and quite frankly I am now developing sympathy for him - your behaviour is really not normal.

Imfree · 13/01/2017 20:02

Your thread is nearly full op. Are you going to start another one?

ladygrinnings0ul · 13/01/2017 20:07

What is the point of her starting another thread ! Everyone gave her good advice she hasn't listened and it's so going to get her a restraining order !!

I'd love for hear from the ex I bet it be a totally different story.

Deadsouls · 13/01/2017 20:08

You say you want to send that message but you haven't, but that is your state of mind. Which is why it IS NOT a good idea to go to his house to get your clothes. You say it's only about the clothes, or it's about closure but you're obsessed. What if you run into him? He hasn't even replied to your last text.

Deadsouls · 13/01/2017 20:11

How do you know he'll be out? I think you want to see the house, 'one last time' and meet his mum (weird) because you're obsessed. Now I don't say that to shame you at all, a lot of us have been obsessed with shit low life wankers. I mean I'm not in your head obviously but it is coming across that way to me at least.

Deadsouls · 13/01/2017 20:12

But still REALKY glad for you that you haven't sent that message.

Original poster

shenry25 · 13/01/2017 20:15

I don't really want to send it either to be honest

OP posts:

JigglyTuff · 13/01/2017 20:20

It's already over. He's told you but you're not listening.

While I'm glad you haven't sent that, the fact that you're even thinking it means you're not listening.

I really think it would disastrous for you to collect your stuff. You aren't emotionally stable. You're starting to come across as mentally unwell.

user1465649950 · 13/01/2017 20:20

Please don't send him any messages! You are starting to look stalker..ish, now!
You're 26, you were seeing him a month and he's said it's over! End of!
I think you need to grow up a bit, sorry!

Deadsouls · 13/01/2017 20:22

JigglyTuff

Bit strong to call OP 'mentally unwell', that's not very responsible. You don't know what calling someone that could have on someone.

Maudlinmaud · 13/01/2017 20:23

Shenry are you ok? I mean in other areas of you life? Do you struggle with interactions and communication in general?
I'm not trying to be rude. I've just found myself wondering this over the last few days, please do not take offence.

JigglyTuff · 13/01/2017 20:35

It's obsessive behaviour. Other people have said it's stalking which is a form of mental illness.

I think the OP needs help in learning to develop healthy relationships because she is clear she finds it difficult.

Personally I don't see any shame in admitting to mental health problems. If more people felt like that, perhaps people would feel more able to discuss them openly.

Pringle2628 · 13/01/2017 20:40

I'm not writing this to get slammed I'm writing this as honesty from past experience.

So I had a really bad experience with my long term partner we broke up and I was desperate for someone to care.

I started dating a guy it's all went really really fast 4 weeks down the line I'd already met his mum and he had told me he loved me, I was in a dream bubble...the next bit is going to make me sound terrible but just want to be honest...so after telling him previously I don't eat beef he made me a meal that consisted of BEEF WELLINGTON! So I never saw the guy again!! Terrible I know but I said 'you know I don't like beef' and his reply was 'if your kids don't like something it doesn't mean you don't keep trying to feed them it' my thoughts were I'm not a child! The next day I woke up and this dream bubble disappeared I realised all of a sudden all the little things that made us not compatable. I did text him and told him that I didn't want to see him again and that I was sorry for messing him about etc.

But just wanted to say that everyone can get wrapped up in a dream and all of a sudden something happens even the stupidest of things and we wake up and reality hits hard and fast. I think women tend to more upfront about stuff though we're as men try and run and hide and hope it goes away.

BlueNeighbourhood · 13/01/2017 20:40

I don't think she's obsessed

I genuinely think OP is struggling with how someone who she took at face value and told her he loved her, blah blah and then took that all away in one fell swoop. People know how bad it can be and for someone to just disappear and be a version of themselves the OP didn't know, it must be breaking her heart.

Unfortunately this guy isn't going to change and he isn't going to give you any answers. Going to get clothes won't give you closure, it'll make you worse as you'll see everyone has moved on apart from you. I don't think you're silly or mentally ill or anything like that, I really do feel for you. But you need to pull yourself together or else you'll have this happen all the time in life to you.

hayser33 · 13/01/2017 20:40

I really really hope you don't send that take it from me you will feel well twatish in a years time

Pringle2628 · 13/01/2017 20:43

The guy I was seeing was a genuinely really nice guy and will one day make someone very happy and I still feel bad for what happened but at the time I just got caught up in the moment and suddenly over night it just went. I was in a bad place and have learnt to never rush into things again.

ZanyMobster · 13/01/2017 21:53

As much as I understand how you feel you really need to accept things are over, things will not get any better and you need to keep your dignity but not asking to give it a go etc. Don't let him know how you feel, you have closure as he has told you he is not interested now, even if he's lying about moving, he's made it clear how he feels. If you ask for another chance he may say yes and then he know he can mess you around. I really hope you are able to move on, even so much as get someone else to collect your stuff, there is no need for any more contact with him.

Bluntness100 · 13/01/2017 21:55

Oh cmon, uou don't really think he is moving to Edinburgh any time soon, do you? Cmon....

Bluntness100 · 13/01/2017 21:57

I genuinely think OP is struggling with how someone who she took at face value and told her he loved her, blah blah and then took that all away in one fell swoop. People know how bad it can be and for someone to just disappear and be a version of themselves the OP didn't know, it must be breaking her heart.

She knew him for four weeks,,,,,cmon,

HermioneWoozle · 13/01/2017 22:37

I think some posters have been helpful on here but also a lot of people are bullying the OP and massively overinvested in directing what happens next, then getting angry when she doesn't do exactly as they say. Examine how pathetically sad you are before criticising the OP.

Accept the advice you find useful and forge your own path, OP.

CondensedMilkSarnies · 13/01/2017 22:40

Rorty I'll have the brick wall when you've finished with it !

Barefootcontessa84 · 13/01/2017 22:57

I'm sorry OP, but even if you haven't sent it, why do you WANT to?!! Why on earth do you want a relationship with someone who has treated you this way?? you really can't be that pathetic....

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