Is he being distant or am I just overthinking?

[shenry25]

I met a guy at the start of December and we were talking every night on the phone and we then met up for a date the next weekend. He ended up staying at mine for a few days and even met my mum and brother in that time. He then came down the day before Christmas eve to visit. After this his mum invited me for Boxing Day dinner with the family which was lovely and we all got on great. From Boxing Day until Monday past, we were with each other everyday and things were great. We are officially in a relationship (on Facebook too), have said I love you (he said it first), met each other's families, have them on Facebook and I'm so happy and he said he is too. He started acting distant on Monday before I left. He was meant to be coming down to mine for a few days but then he said he had work so he couldn't. He's also had an extremely sore back and ear for the last week too so I can understand his mood not being great. He text me on Tuesday afternoon to say he has been drifting in and out of sleep because of the painkillers and he hopes I'm well and he loves me. That's the last I've heard from him. He hasn't been as active on Facebook as much either. I've sent two whatsapp messages and a snapchat and neither have even been read. I had to change my number and the two whatsapp messages were just to tell him and then I text him to ask how he was. I also tried to ring him last night because he was using my Netflix and I couldn't watch anything while he was. I don't know why he's being like this and I know I'm probably overthinking but I just wanted someone else's opinion.

Will point out that my situation is nowhere near as bad as some I know about in rl or I've read on here, the men and women who's partners, husband/ wife have left out of nowhere, no explanation, fucked them and their children off...this is why it's a little frustrating

I decided after me and my son's dad ended things before I found out I was pregnant, I would not be getting into a relationship for a very long time. Luckily I have my son to think about, an I wouldn't be committing to anything anytime soon

I actually enjoy it just being me and my little boy, and I'm comfortable in myself, and I've learned so much!

I think if I remember rightly, I'm the same age as you, well turned 26 a couple of months ago. But you wouldn't believe half the stories I could tell you.

Give yourself a time to get it all out, then reduce it every day, do your crying, screaming anything to get it out and then stop! You need to put your big girl pants up at some point and don't allow this guy to cause you absolute misery, IT IS NOT WORTH IT!! you are prolonging this now and you're not doing any favours

Go out and treat yourself and buy so new clothes, go grab a glass of wine whilst doing some retail therapy and toast to a new start a new you!!

Fuck him and your things,it's an even better excuse for you to treat yourself and help make you feel better again

Oh and don't forget :

Your clothes are going to stink of his house, that certainly isn't going to help

You don't want to be sniffing them and letting it to continue to flood back in

Go shopping and get a new wardrobe

Shenry you know what I did?

When I broke up with my ex (this was November 2014) and was distraught. We lived together and one day she announced she loved me but she didn't actually like me. Which hurt like hell! And she left, just like that. It was my sisters wedding two weeks later and there was an empty seat where she should've been and it broke my heart. She blocked my phone number on New Year's Day 2015 and I've never looked back.

I already played a bit of badminton in my spare time, so I got myself qualified to coach the sport and now help run a session. I joined a tennis club and became competent. But my biggest achievement was netball. My ex told me I was useless at it because of one training session I went to! So I took it up last summer, it took a while and now I'm one of the best players in the league and every time I score a goal I think 'fuck you' to her. It's such a social life, the girls are great and it's like one big family. In fact I'm off to play a game in a couple of hours (playoff match, wish me luck!). So it can work if you immerse yourself in things other than him. Sports were my outlet, but it could be anything for you.

I wish you the best of luck. But as I said before you have to want to move on and it doesn't sound like you do.

My sister and her boyfriend were living together after two weeks and nearly three years on are still going strong

The exception proves the rule.

My ex is still married to someone he moved in with the first day they went out together and they have been married for over 12 years. But I don't envy her.

And I also forgot to mention.

Last summer I met my friend for the first time. We'd been online friends for three years but never actually got round to meeting each other! And we did and now we see each other every few weeks and have just celebrated our first Christmas together. We're in love but that's been three and a half years in the making and I can't even imagine life with my ex now.

This girl though, she's funny and beautiful and she can make any situation better. She makes me happy by her being around but I don't need her to be happy. I have plenty of other things in my life to keep me that way, touch wood we never break up but if we did I know I have enough outside things to make me happy beyond her.

This was a one month relationship op. I think you need to tone down the drama a bit.

Are you not going today because he said he wouldn't be in? Are you hoping he'll be there another day when you turn up

Hmmm I've just been thinking, OP you claim you was so happy with him etc BUT just imagine how truly happy you will be one day in the future with someone who actually loves you, doesn't rush you, respects you, the list goes on.

Do not settle for the sake of a " fairytale"

I know some people do fall " I'm love " very quickly, me and my son's dad did but we took it slow for the first month it was dates, doing nice things, nearly 2 months later that's when we started staying over and a few months after that me being introduced to his family, but there was no denying we were in love! So yes it can happen; but in the long run it didn't work out for us, we kept going back and trying but I had enough and he's with someone now he's been with for 2 years and I won't contemplate a relationship for a long long time

But yeah it very rarely works, this sounds like he fed you and you ate it all up, and sorry for being harsh, but for the sake of it and wanting to believe this would be long term

I'm sorry but, it's a little bit silly - NOT the upset but the dragging it out

Well, if we are all sharing I might as well too. I am super overinvested in this thread.
I have been the ghoster in the past, and I'm not a coward or a commitment phobe. The guy I was seeing was way too ott too soon. I felt uncomfortable and tried to cool things with him but would he listen? No! It got weird very fast. I felt I had no option but to cut contact with him, as he wasn't listening to me at all. My feelings or lack of where unimportant to him. I guess he just wanted it all right away. He continued to try and contact me for quite a few years.Does it make him or I bad people? I don't believe it does.

Il also share.
Same happened to me but it was 4 months seeing each other.
I was gutted (it happened two weeks ago ) but now I'm thinking he's loss.
I haven't text him or rang him ..no reason too.
I blocked him,even if he turned up at my door I would tell him to jog on.
Shenry unless they were super expensive items I would just leave them,but like others have said if you want them back get them posted.
Your only hurting yourself here.
I'm the same age as you,it's crap situation but only you can move on.
You do realise there are so many men out there.
I've downloaded myself a dating app and having a browse what's on offer ;-)
Just because he doesn't want to be with you doesn't mean it's anything to do with you.
Keep your chin up and leave the blooming clothes.

I know it's going to hurt seeing the house and things again. Hell even the journey up is going to suck but I want my stuff back

So WHY are you going to get this stuff? You don't need to. You're the one making the decision to do this.

What are we talking about here? A suitcase full of stuff? Your entire wardrobe? Things you can't live without?

The way you behaving is as though you and him were in a long term relationship, you lived together, and you're trying to arrange to get your possessions back because you've moved out.

FFS you met at the beginning of December. Do you still monitor his online activity?
Deleted him from your FB? Taken his family off your FB? Deleted his number? (No obviously not because you've texted him again), blocked him on whatsapp?

Why are you keeping this door open? Drawing it all out. Why can't you let it go or just get his mum to post it?

I think because if she lets it all go then it's deffo over ..the longer this whole "clothes situation" goes on she feels like she is still connected to him...that's what I think anyway

I do think if you hadn't have said how long this "relationship" was, I'd have thought it was atleast a year or two.

I mean c'mon sweetheart, you'd only been split from your ex 3 months and already declared love within a matter of what days, weeks?

You know this, you're probably still dwelling on your past relationship also, so it's going round your head even more.

Like I've said, screw the clothes buy a fab new wardrobe and leave the past behind

I think other posters are making this more dramatic than the OP. shenry25 sounds pretty level headed to me, she's been blind sided by his actions and is understandably confused, but not at risk of having a break down on his doorstep for god sake

Thanks itcuddles! It's not like I've landed at his door begging him back. I would never dream of doing something like that

OK then, I wasn't trying to make out it'd be as dramatic like that, I just mean if she got emotional on the door step, which can happen when your emotions are all over. Jesus Christ

Haha ok so we're still only replying to the ones who defend you.

Wasn't suggesting you'd have a mental break down I was meaning crying

But yeah I've been too invested in this thread but thought lots of posters explaining what they'd been through and having been in similar situations, y'know knowing how emotional it can get, might sort of help. But nevermind

Hope it goes well

I do understand and I am so so sorry for what all you posters went through! I am lucky it didn't happen to me. Like I said, I feel stupid for moving so fast and getting swept under but I'll be more careful next one.

At the end of the day, it's not us that are getting upset or going through this, I wish I had so much advice and support in the past when I've gone through horrible situations. I had nobody, and if I'd have had anywhere near as much as 35 pages warning me, telling me their experiences that would have completely changed the way I reacted.

I'm not having a go at you btw, people are looking out for you, because they don't want some tosser making you feel like this!

Posters can only give their opinions of what they would do (or like to think they would do) in this situation. I don't know how helpful the same posters repeating themselves really is. Shenry will either take the (good) advice - or not take it and have to deal with that. It's her choice and she's free to make it.

I know SparklyMagpie and I do appreciate your opinions. I don't want to be hurting and I will get better. I've been keeping myself busy and trying to keep my mind off of things.

Of course you'll get better and the hurting will stop! It's good your doing other things, you should be enjoying yourself!
When do you start your new job?

I think while shenry's things are still at his house, she may think there's still hope and to quote my earlier post:

'You will go and collect your clothes and will be hoping and praying that he will fling open the door, take you in his arms, insist it's all been a ghastly mistake, declare his love for you and you both go off into the sunset happy'

Of course that won't happen but you can't help wishing eh? And while you do, you prolong your own pain.

Please, don't go - get someone else to collect your stuff if it's so precious and you can start working on forgetting this person.

I don't think there is any hope, I just want my stuff back. End of.

I start my job in a couple of weeks which will help keep me occupied

It's great you've got something to focus on! Use these couple of weeks to get raring to go :) look at it this way, new start for you, you've lost a loser, gained a new job and lots of new friends to be made, lots of new hopefully exciting challenges! You'll forget about him, you'll be too busy to think about him