Is he being distant or am I just overthinking?

[shenry25]

I met a guy at the start of December and we were talking every night on the phone and we then met up for a date the next weekend. He ended up staying at mine for a few days and even met my mum and brother in that time. He then came down the day before Christmas eve to visit. After this his mum invited me for Boxing Day dinner with the family which was lovely and we all got on great. From Boxing Day until Monday past, we were with each other everyday and things were great. We are officially in a relationship (on Facebook too), have said I love you (he said it first), met each other's families, have them on Facebook and I'm so happy and he said he is too. He started acting distant on Monday before I left. He was meant to be coming down to mine for a few days but then he said he had work so he couldn't. He's also had an extremely sore back and ear for the last week too so I can understand his mood not being great. He text me on Tuesday afternoon to say he has been drifting in and out of sleep because of the painkillers and he hopes I'm well and he loves me. That's the last I've heard from him. He hasn't been as active on Facebook as much either. I've sent two whatsapp messages and a snapchat and neither have even been read. I had to change my number and the two whatsapp messages were just to tell him and then I text him to ask how he was. I also tried to ring him last night because he was using my Netflix and I couldn't watch anything while he was. I don't know why he's being like this and I know I'm probably overthinking but I just wanted someone else's opinion.

blueneighbourhood that's sad :(

I too cannot bring myself to talk about the fool I made out of myself to my ex who ghosted me after my grandad died, I'd have done anything to get him back, in the end I just knew I had to stop, I was completely cut off. And I get a sick feeling from this thread just thinking back to what I've done in desperation and I promised myself I would NEVER ever get to a point like that again.

Even when he made contact 2 years later after hearing I was pregnant, I never brought anything up and from time to time we'll check in to see how eachother are and him ask about my son and I won't even dare think back to our break up.

But like you, that was a 3 and a half year relationship pretty much.

I'd hate to think this is how OP will end up if she keeps going. I've learnt so much though over the last few years and I certainly know how to weed out the chancers. I won't let my heart be messed like that again

That's it SparklyMagpie.

From that day on I realised I wouldn't be taken for a fool by anyone, and I'm pretty good at working out who is decent and who is game playing - even when it comes to friends now. I feel I could never make those mistakes again as I look back and wonder what the hell I was doing. I was so so pathetic, emailing at all hours, going places I thought she may be, walking past the shop her sister worked at for her to notice me. Like I said, I was utterly pathetic and would never do that now.

People deal with break ups in different ways, OP I've been through what you're doing with the clothes and it really isn't worth it. You feel so much worse afterwards, you have this expectation in your head and it will never meet the reality of it.

Have you deleted the family from Facebook yet?

"Loosing a silly six week fling"

TGI, agree with your post. Just want to point out that it wasn't even six weeks.
OP said they met 'at the start of December' so for convenience sake let's go with Thursday 1st December. That's exactly 6 weeks ago today.
OP hasn't seen this guy for 10 days so it was four weeks and a few days at most.

This is a really good website.

www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-blog/

This woman talks so much sense about relationships (and so much more). But it's more about reclaiming our own sense of self worth and boundaries in relationships, and knowing about red flags etc
This site has helped me loads. It really is about taking our power back.

And it's about not getting involved with unavailable men! (You could switch the gender if it's a woman).

Mhmm couldn't agree more ! Been there and done that, but looking at the positives, like we've both said we can weed them out and I'm the same with friends. I have a guard up but I can tell if something is worth letting it down. I always listen to my gut, hasn't let me down yet haha.

But yes, OP you don't ever want to get like that, it made me so Ill physically and mentally.

Well and truly cut your loses, are you really sure you can get your things sent to you?

And yes,have you deleted the family? They are nothing to you...

Oh and on that note, but this does make me laugh, my ex who did this to me, his mum actually blocked me on Facebook he was an only child though and very VERY close to his mum. For his birthday she booked him a weekend break, we'd been talking about booking a holiday together and he told her he was going to get a key made for me...well on his birthday she surprised him with 2 tickets...that were for him and HER my face was a picture, she then messaged me all the time even to tell me he was drunk and being sick in the bathroom we had actually made a real good bond, she knew our love for eachother but she had the cheek to block me when he ghosted me I didn't even get chance and tbh I'd forgotten about her at the time haha

So yeah go all out and block the family! I can 100% guarantee she's just being polite to you! Makes a nice change to my son's dad, who me and his mum clicked straight away, met up all the time for coffees an to go shopping and that's after a few splits and before my little boy came along and that is genuine and has been for over 7 years now. She'd even pick me over her son , and still sees me as a daughter

OP don't go there, it's really not worth it at all haha

I am so sorry to hear about how much you have all been hurt like this. My situation is nothing in comparison and I can see that now 😔 Deadsouls, I will have a look at that website thankyou! I don't expect his mum to take my side or anything like that. It is her son at the end of the day and we weren't together that long. I just liked that she liked me and thought I was good for her son. It boosted my confidence which has been rocked so many times over the years from not just men but family and friends too!

Shenry if you're Northern Irish all you need to do is move to Newcastle and guys will be falling over their feet to have you - it seems the accent here is an absolute winner!

A lad I worked with is from Antrim i think and he came to Newcastle for Uni. He wasn't much to look at but when he talks Everyone loves him!

Op - you seem like a sweet, good natured person from what I can tell. I think a lot of the tough talking is coming from a well intentioned place, and from experience. My hope for you is that you don't go through something like this again because it's horrible and your self esteem takes a bartering.

I think all the posters saying that Shenry has 'no right' to be upset over a short relationship where there are no kids involved are being a bit crowing and also missing the point. (Telling her how much worse you all had it doesn't help her really.)

Yes, she only knew him for 6 weeks or whatever. But she is allowed to feel heartbroken! She is probably grieving for what she thought the relationship was going to be, as much as anything else.

He has played mind games with her (not necessarily intentionally) and she is bound to be confused and hurt. Leave her alone!

I too think she should never text him again and forget the clothes, but have some compassion for her because she has had a shock and is maybe not thinking straight. We've all been there and it feels awful.

Exactly BelarusianDoll. Telling someone their feelings are invalid because you've had it so much worse it downright ignorant and incredibly self-centred.
shenry you're not being silly in the slightest, you're having a normal reaction to the end of what you believed was a good thing. I personally think the break up of a short relationship can sometimes be harder to take than a LT one. One moment you're in the honey moon period, everything seems perfect, you're thinking about all the lovely things in your future together then bam you're totally blindsided. The initial shock and hurt is awful but it does go away fairly quickly. Whereas LT relationships break downs are generally a long drawn out process

I'm going to go against the grain and say I think going for the clothes might be a good thing. The OP is going to anyway (and I can empathise with why), it will probably help her get closure.

Lost off last few pages but yuk to posters invalidating OP's experience by insinuating their own was worse. Try being a bit more human.

I don't think any poster has been inhuman or invalidated the op's feelings by saying our experiences were worse.
I know that's not what I've intended my posts to do, I think what we are saying is that we can appreciate the op is upset but are just struggling to understand how the op and some posters are comparing her feelings of devestation and grief to that of a ltr/marriage with kids ending or even a death. I've suffered both, and this isn't me trying to win the I was more hurt competition, it's just me saying I cannot accept that after six weeks you can the feel the same as you do after splitting up a home/family/arranging a divorce or dealing with a loss of someone you loved greatly. That's how I've intended my posts and how I've read others that shared similar experiences anyway.
Basically I think all we are saying is that the op needs to get some perspective, start moving on and actually leave this guy alone now. Surely whatever he is he also has the right to not be contacted now he has explained the situation.

What a weird angle to come in at TG. Don't recall OP declaring devastation and grief 😐

Stop trying to push your own weird agenda and attention-seek.

The OP may also have experienced grief/loss/death unrelated to this situation. How do you know? You're not more important than her love.

My concern is that some of the comments and advice is mind fucking the op now more so than the situation she's in with her knob ex.
I think we should probably give the thread a bit of a rest now

Erm patience I think it's you that's coming at it at a weird angle and what a nasty nasty post to TG.

The op has expressed disproportionate upset at the end of what was a very short term relationship. By expressing their own experiences other posters aren't trying to outdo her or atebtion seek ( what s horrible thing to say to someone who had just told you they'd been bereaved) but to explain that they do know about devastation.

I've just sat and read through most of this and at the start, I did feel sorry for you op. What he's done to you is not nice at all.....

But please have some self respect for yourself honestly.....you are clinging onto this relationship and it's so not worth it.

You don't seem to be able to answer anyone on here who is asking you why you don't just get the stuff posted back to you? You said he lives over an hour away? Get it posted back to you ffs, you do not need to go collect it yourself. You just want to as you are clinging on desperately hoping he will change his mind....deep down you will want him to be there too. It's not going to happen, you cannot force someone to want to be with you.

You are either getting a kick out of getting sympathy off this post....anyone who posts something saying they understand how you feel etc - you will send them a long reply on how nice he was etc etc but then he changed his mind and how hurt you are

Anyone who tells you to get a grip and get your clothes sent back to you you completely ignore with no response because you cannot answer them. This is because you clearly do want to drag this out for as long as you can in the hope that he might change his mind.

The longer you leave this the more needy and desperate you are going to look like, please just get your stuff posted (how many items of clothing did you leave there? If it were me I'd just leave it)

This has been going on for days on here now and it has irritated me because I'm sorry but it's not like a marriage breakdown....it's a few week relationship. I just feel op is maybe wanting a bit too much sympathy here. I do understand you are upset op, but please just forget it all.

Agree with usernoidea - this just needs putting to bed now

Woah woah woah! I have not told the OP her feelings arnt validated ! What a stupid thing to say! I've been on this thread from the start, what I was trying to do ( yet again) was to show OP that although it hurts, it could have been so much worse. Not tell her she shouldn't be upset !

She even said after reading some of our stories that she realises that it's not as bad. I do know she's a human and she has every right to be upset.

There's always one who has to come in and give everyone a telling off

I'm not that much of a dick that I tell her my situations were worse than hers and she has no right. But to point out it could have hurt her even more in the long run.

Bloody hell

If someone is very intense, says "I love you" within the first six months, talks about moving in or marriage in first six months, I reckon 9 times out of ten that person will disappear or back off as just as quickly.

Op, I would change Netflix password. Don't be a sucker.

Whoops. Apologies op. I hadn't read the whole thread.

Patience thank you for your wonderful insight into my intentions, however I would like to assure you that I was neither attention seeking nor do I have 'a weird angle' as so politely explained. I was merely suggesting why myself and other posters were struggling to still see the op pov under the circumstances. However again allow me to thank you for your uninformed opinion of my motives, now perhaps if you had directed your rude insensitive manner at the op on page 1-10 of this thread perhaps this situation would not be ongoing.

Out of practice thanks for the vote of confidence, and for the record I agree with sparkly magpie (alot of sense) right I'm off to seek attention else where, damn patience for thwarting my master plan

Great minds think alike TGI I think I shall join you in taking my judgey arse somewhere else now purely to tell other people my situations will always be worse and their feelings don't matter

I've read 95% of the thread until it all got a bit much when some posters seemed to be thriving on the schadenfreude.

I think the OP 'gets' that you struggle to see her point of view - really no need to hammer it home...