Is he being distant or am I just overthinking?

[shenry25]

I met a guy at the start of December and we were talking every night on the phone and we then met up for a date the next weekend. He ended up staying at mine for a few days and even met my mum and brother in that time. He then came down the day before Christmas eve to visit. After this his mum invited me for Boxing Day dinner with the family which was lovely and we all got on great. From Boxing Day until Monday past, we were with each other everyday and things were great. We are officially in a relationship (on Facebook too), have said I love you (he said it first), met each other's families, have them on Facebook and I'm so happy and he said he is too. He started acting distant on Monday before I left. He was meant to be coming down to mine for a few days but then he said he had work so he couldn't. He's also had an extremely sore back and ear for the last week too so I can understand his mood not being great. He text me on Tuesday afternoon to say he has been drifting in and out of sleep because of the painkillers and he hopes I'm well and he loves me. That's the last I've heard from him. He hasn't been as active on Facebook as much either. I've sent two whatsapp messages and a snapchat and neither have even been read. I had to change my number and the two whatsapp messages were just to tell him and then I text him to ask how he was. I also tried to ring him last night because he was using my Netflix and I couldn't watch anything while he was. I don't know why he's being like this and I know I'm probably overthinking but I just wanted someone else's opinion.

[SparklyMagpie]

Oh shenry, I'd bet my house he wasn't moving

[Ellisandra]

Well, I think it's possible he might be thinking of moving away.
It could be why he came on so fast: he gets to enjoy the full on intensity and romance (and not wait for sex) knowing he can walk away just as fast.

[SparklingRaspberry]

I can understand the closure thing but I don't think you'll get it. You'll still be feeling the exact same way as you do right now. Collecting your clothes is not gunna make you feel better. Driving all that way knowing he's left the house to avoid you, because he does not want to see you will not give you closure. You won't be getting an explanation.

Honestly I know it's shitty what he's done and he's the biggest arsehole, but you're making this 4 week 'relationship' a lot more dramatic than it needs to be. 4 weeks OP...28 days!!
I also say 'relationship' because I'm pretty sure it was only a relationship on your part, you're the one mourning it and missing him - he feels nothing. He may have told you it was official and all that crap, but he saw you coming and this was planned from the beginning.

This summer I started seeing somebody for a month who I thought was amazing but he ended it. I was gutted although I kept my dignity and left my clothes at his, didn't text him and certainly wasn't contacting his mother. 6 weeks later he contacted me again and we sort of got back together but it didn't take long for me to realise he wasn't so special. He had many issues that he kept covered the first time round! I ended it as I realised I wasn't over my ex.

What I'm trying to say is, you keep looking for signs, for closure, asking what you should've done differently, feeling so sad over a 28 day relationship - just stop! It's okay to feel sad yeah but you're making it sound like you were together for years. You wasn't and you never would've been.

You can either mope around wasting time or you can think fuck it and move on! I honestly just want to shake some sense into you. It isn't healthy to feel so full on over a 28 day fling.

[shenry25]

I don't know if he's moving to Edinburgh and I probably never will but there isn't much I can do about it

[lilybetsy]

Shenry he is NOT moving anywhere, and this is NOT why he has stopped seeing you. hes too much of a coward to just say he doesn't want to continue, so hes made an excuse. His mum and sister saying 'you're so good for him' ; Its just stuff people (not very sincere people) say .. it means nothing at all. How can she KNOW you would have been 'good for him' she doesn't know you .. Please stop holding onto all this 'fluff' said by people who you don't know, look at the reality.

He doesn't want to be with you.

That's all you need to know. Don't be a stalker. Leave it. Retain SOME self respect and move on. Get a therapist. Try to help yourself...

[BlueNeighbourhood]

You know what...

shenry I am SO pleased you're writing how you feel here rather than actually messaging him or contemplating it. I believe in your head you did love him and you've had the rug swept from under your feet, and one day it's just all gone. One month or six years people are entitled to feel how they wish about a situation and nobody should take that from her.

Nothing you can say or do will bring him back, the clothes thing won't bring you closure. One day you'll stop coming on this thread and posting because you're over it, you've realised he's an idiot who's gone about things in the wrong way. He was a coward but he has his reasons.

Keep posting here until you feel okay. And don't go for the clothes and don't get in touch. Please stop replaying every scenario, it's just a relationship that went too fast and he's bottled it. It happens. But by summer you'll have forgot about him!

[shenry25]

I actually wrote this out and didn't send it but it helped to get my feelings out

Hey! I just wanted to say I understand we moved too fast and it freaked me too. But we did have a good time together, we did get on but before I set a day to lift my stuff I can't help but give one last shot at asking is this really what you want or could we maybe start over? Go on dates, take things slow, leave meeting families out of it for while. I do think it would be a shame to just walk away. But if you do say no sorry and that u have made your mind up, then I'll walk away and wish you all the best. I can't lie, I will be gutted but there will be nothing else I could do or say. Have a think and if not then I'll set a day to get my things

[SadTrombone]

Please. Please do not even think of sending that.

[shenry25]

I haven't sent it. I want to but I haven't.

[Littlejayx]

Oh my days, you can not be this ridiculous! Please please have some respect for yourself and don't lower yourself

[MsStricty]

Yes. Please do not send that.

[blowmybarnacles]

Jesus wept, WTF with that last post, have you not listened?

The OP is hell bent on scrabbling for crumbs from this dickhead's table and has zero self respect. I think you are actually liking being the victim you have become in all this.

[SadTrombone]

I want to collect my clothes to get some form of closure. Then I can finally accept it's over.

Oh God! De-lurking just to say this (and my post above):

It is over.
He ghosted you.
When you managed to get him to say two words to you - he told you he was leaving the country which means either:
A) - He's leaving the country. He doesn't want a LDR. It's over.
or
B) - He's pretending to leave the country just to get you to leave him alone. It's over.

Don't get me wrong - he's a dickhead - but for fucks sake please please for the sake of whatever dignity you have left - leave your sodding clothes there (or get his mum to post them or a mate to collect them). They're only clothes for God's sake is it worth demeaning yourself further?
Move on. Delete his number. Block him and his mother on Facebook. Go out with friends. Have a night in and watch netflix and eat Ben and Jerry's. Do whatever. Just do not contact him ever ever again.

[Ellisandra]

Here is a tip. Hard learned.

Any message to an ex that starts with an oh so casual "Hey!" is always always always a bad idea. And not casual at all.

[statetrooperstacey]

NO. Just no. That message sounds desperate. Try to imagine him showing his mates and them all pissing themselves . Then delete. It actually reads like you are utterly desperate but trying to be cool. Please don't. We have all been lied to led on and played, accept that this is your turn. He is not genuine. Sorry

[Maudlinmaud]

Stalker! I'm sorry but you are.
Congratulations almost 1000 posts and this is where you are.

[CondensedMilkSarnies]

Op . I think that after all the very good advice that you've had on here , you are still thinking of sending messages then I can only conclude that you are now just stringing everyone along.

[SadTrombone]

MilkSarnies - I'm starting to suspect the same. An element of the pathetic either way.

[shenry25]

I haven't sent it!!!!!!

[BlueNeighbourhood]

At least she's posted it on here rather than sending it! If she really was desperate she'd have gone and just done it.

[TrippyMcTrapFace]

Absolutely milksarnies

[shenry25]

I just thought if I posted it somewhere, it would help. And it did

[Deadsouls]

I'm glad you haven't sent that message but it does show where your state of mind is. You would give the dickhead who has ghosted you another chance if he tossed a crumb in your direction. I know you haven't sent it but that text is so desperate. It's like you're saying, 'please please I'll do anything you say, just let me be with you'. And then you lay there like a doormat. You'd let him dictate everything, it's there in the text.

But....! Better you wrote it here and didn't send it. But I feel sorry that you'd even think of sending that.

[SadTrombone]

Glad it was cathartic. Now delete it, delete him, and move on.
You asked if you were being unreasonable and you have now been told yes literally almost 1,000 times.

[SadTrombone]

*...just realised this isn't AIBU but point still stands!