Is he being distant or am I just overthinking?

[shenry25]

I met a guy at the start of December and we were talking every night on the phone and we then met up for a date the next weekend. He ended up staying at mine for a few days and even met my mum and brother in that time. He then came down the day before Christmas eve to visit. After this his mum invited me for Boxing Day dinner with the family which was lovely and we all got on great. From Boxing Day until Monday past, we were with each other everyday and things were great. We are officially in a relationship (on Facebook too), have said I love you (he said it first), met each other's families, have them on Facebook and I'm so happy and he said he is too. He started acting distant on Monday before I left. He was meant to be coming down to mine for a few days but then he said he had work so he couldn't. He's also had an extremely sore back and ear for the last week too so I can understand his mood not being great. He text me on Tuesday afternoon to say he has been drifting in and out of sleep because of the painkillers and he hopes I'm well and he loves me. That's the last I've heard from him. He hasn't been as active on Facebook as much either. I've sent two whatsapp messages and a snapchat and neither have even been read. I had to change my number and the two whatsapp messages were just to tell him and then I text him to ask how he was. I also tried to ring him last night because he was using my Netflix and I couldn't watch anything while he was. I don't know why he's being like this and I know I'm probably overthinking but I just wanted someone else's opinion.

You have taken a lot of stick on this thread shenry and you haven't bitten once. I think you have a lot of resilience and you will be fine. Maybe a bit naive though and definitely too nice.

I know I can be naive and too nice, I can't help that! Lol

Is it getting any easier shenry?

It's getting there! It's hard when the nice things he says come into my head but I try and put them out as quickly as they come in

Keep hurting, sort it out you knew him a month. I don't think anyone except for the op has made this dramatic, she's talking as though it's a ten year relationship with kids/mortgage the lot. Look you waa a six week (if that) fling. I'm not going to apologise for being harsh anymore, get a grip and sort it out. Even if we had had a freak heatwave the op wouldn't had gone to get her things (and she's made no mention of taking his back, which she won't on the hopes he changes his mind) because she wants to prolong the inevitable. If I'm being honest I'd say I'd be thinking 'thank fuck I dodged the crazy lady' if I was him. I know that sounds nasty but seriously what more is he meant to Say/do.

I'm bored of this now, it's not a soap it's simply a very very short romance that ended badly. I can see why people (who have been through actual relationship break ups and rl heartbreak) are getting frustrated.

By the time you start your new job you'll be over him! You're doing so well.

I kinda agree with pp having been in a relationship who I cared for physically and had a child the heartbreak was truly devasting. With your emotions and feeling for such a premature relationship seem to be extremely strong. As I said it sounds like them getting posted back to you would be less hassle.

I also think your extreme hurt over such a short fling is a concern. And for me raises another red flag over your assertion that this was all him and you just went along with it You're the one hurting like this, not him. I think his version may be slightly different.

I also suspect you're hoping if he sees you again he will change his mind and this is something you will tell your grand kids.

Just focus on you, having a full happy life, not looking for what your sister did or has, and when you find that full and happy life, you will meet the right person who will love you and wish to be with you.

I had every intention of getting my stuff back and I have mentioned about giving his stuff back too. I'll be doing that when the weather has cleared up and then that's it.

Did you text him OP ?

His version of events may be different but I KNOW what he said. I'm not saying I didn't get too invested too quickly but I was more than prepared to slow things down but he just brought it to an abrupt halt altogether.

I'll just let him know when I'm getting my stuff so he knows to be out lol

Wait what? Text him to let him know on the day?

I have found in the past that by going and facing it, getting my stuff, seeing first hand there is no hope of a reconciliation etc. has actually actually enabled me to find closure more quickly.

For me, leaving my stuff with them could prevent me moving on 100% - a bit like unfinished business in the back of my mind.

Let's look at this from a possible 'other side' post title: how do I get him to leave me alone'
A poster says I have not long come out of a ltr, the break up involved me moving city and back in with my mum. I met a man recently (yes I understand now it was too soon) but at first I really liked him. It was coming up to Christmas and I was very down and upset because of my past relationship (he treated me badly, I was very hurt) I know now I got caught up with the 'being loved rather than actually being in love thing' anyway it was pretty intense, we spent alot of time together over the holidays, I admit I did get carried away amd mention the love word. I'm not excusing my behaviour but Im so mixed up at the moment and far too vulnerable. Anyway to cut a long story short I'm now feeling awful. My parents invited him to dinner on boxing day, he ended up staying the whole week. He did ask if he should go home but I felt so bad saying yes I just wanted him to realise the right thing to do was probably to go. He didn't, and I gradually started to feel as though I was trapped, I did realise over this week that he was needy, clingy and insecure, this just made my feelings worse, I was also unwell which made it worse. Finally he went, I text him once but for the last five days I've gone nc, he has text me, called me, even text my mum (who really liked him but is now feeling uncomfortable with the whole situation) at first I tried to ignore contact (not a great decision I know) but finally after a really long, deep text from him I responded, explained i wasn't interested. I tried to be as gentle as possible. Now I know I haven't dealt with this in the best way but my head is a mess right now, I jumped in too soon and got swept away, but since I've spelled it out he just won't leave me alone, I've also since found out that he was 'qiite obsessive " like this over his last ex when she tried to end it. He is triying to arrange to collect his things this week, I've said he is welcome to but I don't want to be here, I think he is just using this as an excuse to talk to me, what do you think I should do.xx

You said Thursday to collect your stuff now you've moved the goal posts and wanting to have some control over when you collect your stuff. He isn't interested and doesn't want to face you op I don't want to come across mean but you've across very full on with everything.

I'm sorry OP but I have to be totally honest and give you some tough love. Reading this whole thread is so frustrating.

You're coming off as incredibly desperate.

You DO NOT need to go and collect your things. As previous posters have said, it costs less than £4 for them to post them to you. The only reason why you are insisting on going there yourself is because until then there is still a connection, and let's be honest you are still hoping he will see you and change his mind. You're clearly hoping he won't be out the house otherwise you wouldn't be so keen to go collect them yourself.

This is the man who was "too ill" to contact you, the same man who is still unwell and can't hear properly, yet when you were meant to collect your things today he had plans to be out the house? What was that, a sudden miraculous recovery?

You keep saying things like "maybe if I hadn't been so keen it could've gone differently"....no!!! It doesn't matter what you did/didn't do, it would've turned out exactly the same! In fact he probably knew from the moment you met this would be his plan. He's probably done it before and he will certainly do it again.

He doesn't love you.
He doesn't respect you.
He doesn't want to speak to you
He doesn't want to see you
He doesn't want you contacting him
He doesn't want you at his house
He doesn't want you contacting his mother

I know you said you aren't desperate for a relationship and you don't need councelling but I'm sorry it really does sound like you do. It isn't healthy/normal to declare your love and talk about kids within a few days.....anyone else with any amount of self esteem would've done a runner from him there and then. The fact you found it so easy to go along with what he was saying and what he claimed he wanted instead of saying "wow mate slow down....bit weird" is huge signs you were desperate for that relationship. I can guarantee if you'd told him to slow down he would've ended things with you there and then, because you would've shown him you weren't a person who could be fooled by him. He didn't say all that because he meant it, he said all that to see if you'd fall for it and you did.

You sound like a lovely person and one day you will meet someone who respects you and treats you right.
But for the love of god you need to speak to someone about your self esteem. You are too obsessive in each and every one of your relationships. Accept when someone has ended the relationship, stop holding on to any form of attachment, stop dragging it out. Stop messaging him and his family. You do realise as nice as his mother is, she's probably only replying to be polite don't you? She has no other reason to contact you, you aren't his girlfriend and it isn't like you were in a long term relationship where she would now miss you.

You will continue to meet idiots like this and have "relationships" like this until you work on yourself.

Like I say you sound lovely. But you need to help yourself before hoping someone else will.

I'm still intrigued to know what these items of clothing are that means you won't move on?

And as far as I'm aware unless you live in the highest point in yorkshire or the highlands of Scotland - roads have been fine everywhere today? I knew you wouldn't go because you can't accept that once you've been and he's not there that it really is over. You feel like this is your last chance to see him and get him to change his mind - no use lying to us about the clothes at all because everyone can see straight through it.

I'm not demeaning your relationship because I do believe someone can be really in love after six weeks and that the things you feel are real and it is like a death - you won't see that person again or talk to him and you need to grieve. But trying to still have a hold over him with these clothes is ridiculous.

I'll just let him know when I'm getting my stuff so he knows to be out lol

I'm beginning to feel sorry for the guy

but glad you can lol about it

I didn't go up to his house today. I'm taking a couple of days to get my head straight first.

OP - that's what you wrote the first time when you didn't get your stuff. Then presumably you contacted him to arrange another date.

You haven't gone today to get your stuff and you've contacted him again to tell him.

Then you'll have to wait for an answer, contact him again to rearrange....etc

He doesn't want you to contact him. Although he did it in a terrible way, (and he's a shit), he has made it clear where you stand. I wrote this before, for your sake you do need to stop contacting someone who doesn't want to know.

The clothes collection is like the sword of Damocles hanging over the guys head.

Agree with dead souls, you need to stop contacting people when they want you to. This isn't right.

I don't live in Scotland! I live in n Ireland and the weather is atrocious!! I'm not moving the goal posts. I am not hoping he'll be there! I was not clingy or needy. He was way way over the top from the start. I just liked the feeling that's all. I did jump in too fast. I know that now.

Loosing a silly six week fling is nothing like a death, thats an insult, the op doesn't need to grieve, she just needs to get the help she clearly needs (so she doesn't go through this again) and without being rude.....put her big girl pants on and move on.

This has just brought back a terrible memory I'm that embarrassed about I think I semi deleted it from my brain. It's similar to your clothes thing!

When me and my ex broke up - we both moved back home. She moved all of her possessions out two weeks before me and I went back to the flat to get my things the day after my sister was married. Anyway, when I was packing my stuff I found a hoody of hers from tennis club, a bracelet my parents had bought her for her birthday and a few t shirts that were hers.

So you know what I did? Even though I knew she was in London I drove to her parents house and it was the most awkward, horrible time. I thought I wanted to see everyone one last time because my heart was breaking, I thought if I saw her parents they'd say 'well we've been telling her to take you back'. Turns out it was an awkward standing in the kitchen passing everything to them with tears in my eyes. This was a two year relationship though! I cringe so so much thinking about that now. Please don't do it, yours will probably be worse than me because you seem way more emotional than even I was at the time!