Is he being distant or am I just overthinking?

[shenry25]

I met a guy at the start of December and we were talking every night on the phone and we then met up for a date the next weekend. He ended up staying at mine for a few days and even met my mum and brother in that time. He then came down the day before Christmas eve to visit. After this his mum invited me for Boxing Day dinner with the family which was lovely and we all got on great. From Boxing Day until Monday past, we were with each other everyday and things were great. We are officially in a relationship (on Facebook too), have said I love you (he said it first), met each other's families, have them on Facebook and I'm so happy and he said he is too. He started acting distant on Monday before I left. He was meant to be coming down to mine for a few days but then he said he had work so he couldn't. He's also had an extremely sore back and ear for the last week too so I can understand his mood not being great. He text me on Tuesday afternoon to say he has been drifting in and out of sleep because of the painkillers and he hopes I'm well and he loves me. That's the last I've heard from him. He hasn't been as active on Facebook as much either. I've sent two whatsapp messages and a snapchat and neither have even been read. I had to change my number and the two whatsapp messages were just to tell him and then I text him to ask how he was. I also tried to ring him last night because he was using my Netflix and I couldn't watch anything while he was. I don't know why he's being like this and I know I'm probably overthinking but I just wanted someone else's opinion.

[shenry25]

In my previous relationship, it was awful so I am literally questioning every little thing in this one. My friends have said that he just needs some space so I'm gonna give him that.

[KinkyAfro]

I think you need to face up to it OP, you've been dumped

[mrssapphirebright]

Since when has someone's facebook status been an indicator of how they feel? My exh's facebook status still said married 9 months after we divorced as he didn't really pay much attention to it and could't be arsed / couldn't remember how to change it. I don't think guys get hung up on this.

Agree with PP's - it is not a good sign that he is watching netflix when he can't text you back. No excuse for this i'm afraid. It doesn't look good. he's obviously not completely wiped out on the pain killers. And seriously.... how wiped out would you need to be to reply to a text message? Unless you were on deaths door or on the operating theatre it takes a minute to text someone!

If you spent xmas and new year with his family / mum why are you so worried about messaging her? I don't think a simple 'hey, hope you are well. haven't heard from dp in a while as he's been so ill, kinda worried about it, have you heard anything' would not be weird. i would want to know if my ds was so ill that he could not communicate with the world or was lying there unconscious from strong pain killers.

[MPerspective]

*Is he being distant or am I just overthinking?"

He is being distant...AND you overthinking.

If he truly loves you then would he really be treating you like this? No.
Move on. (And change that password).

[mrssapphirebright]

'His previous actions and words have added up'

i'm sure they have OP, but you've only known him for 6 weeks! its not like you've known him six years and he's suddenly done something out of character. How do you know he doesn't do this to girls all the time? you don't. Just because he has been a certain way with you for six weeks, it doesn't mean much.

Read through some of the posts on here about womens husbands walking out on them after 20+ years with not a hint of things being wrong. Thats out of character!

[tiktok]

I don't think OP is gonna change that password.

[Underthemoonlight]

OP he's just not that into you anymore, I had a similar situation with a lad but I was with for a month he told me he loved me was suppose to met up but didn't come round ,he ignored messages so I went out with my friends had a bloody good night and when i got a text off him I swiftly dumped him I put up with crap off the ex before him I wasn't doing it again. It should be the honeymoon period not you chasing after him. If he can't be polite to reply then he's not worth being with.

[shenry25]

I will change the password! That isn't my main issue! I probably will message his mum and see if he is ok.

[DanielCraigsUnderpants]

OP, does he know you have horrible experiences before?

[shenry25]

This is first time he hasn't replied etc so I'll maybe give him the benefit of the doubt this time

[DanielCraigsUnderpants]

As you've made up your mind to do that, will you check back in and let us know how you get on? I hope he proves us wrong

[KinkyAfro]

But he's had days to reply, he's reading your messages, he's watching your Netflix. If he gave a single shite he would have been in touch. I think his silence is deafening

[frieda909]

Forget Facebook statuses and Whatsapp ticks and whatnot, what's your gut feeling telling you? In my experience that's usually correct.

[PineappleExpress]

I've recently been on strong pain killers and anti inflammatories for my back and they totally wiped me out. I have a whole 2 days that I have no recollection of. Apparently I giggled a lot and insisted I was floating and kept getting upset and asking my husband to check my skin was still attached
My phone battery died because I paid that little attention to it pinging and beeping and ringing away, but I did manage to keep all my crappy recorded programmes playing on the TV. Priorities
I don't think texting his mum is out of order. Just say you were wondering if she had heard from him because you haven't, and you just want to make sure he is ok

[SparklyMagpie]

OP what was HIS last relationship like? How long had he been single before you met him?

[IHaventStoppedCravingYet]

If the situation were reversed and you were poorly, would you have still messaged him, given your relationship until now? It's hard to imagine any genuine reason he'd stop speaking to you

[Underthemoonlight]

Please don't message his mother just makes it worse he's ignored your messages for several days

[therootoftheroot]

does he live with his mum?

[ReallyBloodyBoredNow]

The early days are wonderful, full of butterflies and excitement, especially at Christmas, a time when everyone wants to have a special someone. Yes I've read about love at first sight and whilst I've had strong feelings for someone early on it wasn't love. Love develops over time, it comes from a place of intimacy, trust and respect, something that I'd grown over a period of time through good and bad experiences., not within weeks, that's simply infatuation. A wonderful feeling none the less but definitely not love. When I met my partner I suffered a serious injury (within weeks) I was off work and on strong painkillers for a length of time, I still managed to text him and yes he did visit me, even though it was early days, to make sure I was OK, but that was probably because I didn't ignore him. Doesn't two ticks mean the messages have been read on whatsapp? My thoughts are he got swept away with the romance, has had a huge awakening, realised he doesn't really want a full blown relationship with someone he doesn't really know and is now thinking..... Shit how do I get out of this. Either that or he's just a nasty twat, it's easy to hide your true colours for a few weeks. Either way if you're feeling like this this early on and he isn't sensitive enough to do something about it do you really want or need him in your life?

[SparklyMagpie]

If I'm honest, when I'm exhausted from running round after my toddle and havnt been very well, I'm not too great with keeping in contact with people but I will always send a little message telling them this and will let them know that I will at some point reply. However, if it was someone I LOVE and who meant so much to me without a doubt they would have heard from me regardless, even if i was that poorly, just to let them know how I was .

It's the fact if he loved you as much as he says etc etc and does have time to put your password in and watch Netflix, then he isn't wiped out fast asleep, he'd have atleast messaged to let you know how he was but he hasn't done either has he, this is why majority of us posters are saying it doesn't look too good

[wideboy26]

Like all men, he's only after one thing: Netflix

[WannaBe]

I think that limited contact is understandable when ill but to totally drop out of contact for two days with no texts not answering his phone, not even a quick message to say "sorry, been out of it." Speaks volumes.

I've been seriously ill recently and I know i was less communicative than I usually am because by 8 PM i was completely wiped out and just wanted to sleep etc. But my dp knew the score because when I woke up I would at least send a quick text.

In fact when I first fell ill I rang DP at work to say I'd called an ambulance (999) because I couldn't breathe. within an hour I was fighting for my life in ICU and spent the next three days on life support. so after two days I at least would have expected something to say that he'd been out of it but would talk soon. Even if he'd not had the energy to go on FB.

I'm not entirely suspicious of declarations of love after a month, they happen. but given he's now disappeared off radar I'd say that he probably has realised after being apart after such intensity over Christmas that actually he's probably said too much too soon and now wants out.

[tiktok]

LOL @ wideboy :)

I think the Netflix thing is a priority, to be honest.

It's freeloading, which is not what anyone wants from any relationship.

The change of password is a subtle way of communicating and staying in control - without actually going round with soup (wtf?!).

If he is genuine, and genuinely too ill to text, or has forgotten to charge his phone, then noticing he can't watch Netflix is a prompt to get in touch without seeming to beg.

But it looks like it will take the OP a little while to get round to changing it, for some reason

[shenry25]

I do see it from your points of view. It doesn't look the greatest I know. He hasn't been on any form of social media at all in over a day. I might maybe message his mum tomorrow as she lives with him and will know what's going on. I've messaged her about stuff before so it won't be weird. I know the whole honeymoon phase had to pass at some time and I also know he's not himself at the minute. Yes he did watch my Netflix and not reply which is out of order but I don't want to go completely nuts with him just yet.

He was single about two years before he met me. His ex cheated on him and hurt him pretty badly.

I know when I'm dosed up on strong painkillers, I stick some film or programme on and drift in and out. Barely bother with anyone if I'm honest. He did text me on Tuesday telling me he was sleeping cos of his back and he hopes I was ok and love you.

My gut is telling me to slow down a bit and just take each day as it comes. My sister even joked that we will be married before the year is out if we keep going so fast 😂

I hope he proves you all wrong too cos apart from this incident, he has honestly been the best 😊

[DanielCraigsUnderpants]

tiktok but in Home and Away and Neighbours they always went round with soup, or was it lamingtons? Or casserole.

If anyone has spare soup and up for delivery I'm partial