Brave Babes - Barging through 2017 in style

[SweetLathyrus]

Hello, I'm SweetLathyrus (Sweet for short), and I've been hopping on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus for three years now because, like some many of us, I struggle with alcohol.

The Bus is a supportive community at all stages in their relationship with alcohol and with lots of different goals - for some, it's abstinence, for others it's moderation, for others, it's just about getting a bit of control and perspective.

So, if you think you'd like to join us, don't be shy, flag us down and jump on board and share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with; sometimes there will be silliness, but there will always be help and support.

If you would like to know how the Bus first rattled into action, here is the first ever thread

And if you would like to know where we have been more recently, here is the most recent thread

Morning All

Dubh you barmy moo . But now I feel guilty because some days I step right over the poor abandoned rubber band the postman drops on our drive (we are obviously the end of a postcode bundle, because he drops them whether we get post or not).

It does sound a bit extreme - have you tried red bush/rooibos instead of regular tea? I'd be tempted to ride it out one more day if I could, just to see if you hit equilibrium; if not, introduce just the one element and see how you feel.

Feeling quite perky this morning, despite of lack of sleep, stupid work load trying to catch up after being ill. I could not do this if I was drinking. It will be another long one today - and tomorrow.

Have a good day, Babes.

Bless you Dubh, have a Jaffa cake, you deserve one after the elastic band trauma!

Same as you Sweet, I could not cope with my insane workload if I was drinking, makes me wonder how I ever manage work with a hangover. Due to said workload I am sleeping fewer hours but I don't feel as tired, I think because it's proper sleep as opposed to fitful drunken tossing and turning.

Have a great day babes - day 19 here.

Oh dubh that made me laugh out loud, holding my sore innards with one hand to stop them shoogling about! We will take all your rubber band children on to the bus and give them refuge!!

Morning all,

The elastic band is a much overlooked species, abandoned, mistreated, well done for saving it

Shoogling - loving that word ma* I love finding new words and that is ace. (I'm assuming it's not a typo?)

So, here we are day 19, or 1 or 15 or whatever, we are all doing fantastically well, go us!

I need another cup of coffee so will catch up properly later.

Good morning. Day 16 here. I finally have time to catch up. I'm currently sat in hospital waiting to be seen. It's an ongoing problem that I had to get an emergency clinic appointment for.

Hope all is ok Mint

So I'm off to my first meeting this morning. Wish me luck!!

(Loving the elastic band rescuing --> ~) Back later!

I have just been given atropine drops in my eyes. I won't be able to see properly soon. 😕

Oh Mint anything to do with eyes makes me squeamish, I hope they help you.

Elf sending you lots of luck and strength, hope it goes really well for you, brave elf that you are.

It's bloody freeeeeeezing. I need to go out and just want to hibernate under the duvet. Keep warm everyone.

Lux, I won't tell you about my laser surgery at the end of the month then

Hope it's ok Mint

Good Luck Elf

sweet ah yuck please don't. Makes my knees go shaky!

mint hope everything's ok. You're probably sporting the wide eyed look now! Hope it's all sorted for you soon.

sweet I had laser eye surgery a couple of years ago- one of the best things I ever did. (Also don't 'do' eyes unless I have to- putting in contacts made me cringe every time and hated my glasses)

Spent this morning in a 'morbidity and mortality' meeting- great learning opportunity, very important, etc etc...but fuck I am drained! Didn't get home until 10.30 last night either. When not drinking I find it so bizarre that I would of managed to fit in at least a bottle of wine after, then often get up at 5.30 again the next day for work

But I have the rest of the day to myself, am not hungover and it's sunny...perfect for running. Aim for the afternoon is a gentle paced 6 miles as long as back holds up ok. Today is day 4 (or 15/19).

So I survived! The meeting was good - very well-facilitated. However, we're expected to also go to AA. I was dreading that. I just don't see eye-to-eye with the helplessness of the 12 steps. I much prefer SMART recovery's ideology. However - it is what it is. I will go, and engage with it. What's the alternative, really? Yet another blackout? And worse...

I was worried my DH would be opposed to me going to AA - he's quite negative about it too and it makes my alcohol dependence seem more "real" (he's still in denial) but he was OK about it actually.

Passed the breathalyser and got better instructions about that and what we're supposed to be doing at this "preparing for change" stage - which is DO NOT ATTEMPT TO GO COLD TURKEY. That's what the medical detox is for. You can drink the night before, and even have a drink in the morning if you need one to calm the shakes but don't have an epic bender.

I'm so glad to be doing this though. It feels totally right. I will try out some AA meetings and go back next week with an open mind. Something has to change - and that's me!

shoogling/shoogly are proper words here in Scotland. Means wobbly.
"watch your drink, this table's awfy shoogly!"

Elf well done- massive thing to do. The phrase 'something needs to change and that's me' is so positive. I get what you mean about AA, but maybe it's case of picking and choosing what you take from the meetings. If nothing else, it should provide you with lots of support from people who have similar experiences.

Good run today- much more comfortable than Tuesday, so cautiously optimistic. Slightly aware that I have the potential to get a bit obsessive though, and if i can't do it for whatever reason I loose all motivation for everything else. Never been good at finding a middle ground in anything- it's always been all or nothing. Either spending all my spare time drinking or hungover, or attempting to train for a marathon Not sure what the answer is to that though.

Major cravings out of nowhere. Think ironically it's because I actually feel quite good Don't know what to do with myself.

I'm back! And really could do with some wine. I went in with an inflamed eye and floaters. Turned out my retina has torn so they got a consultant in from another hospital and I had to have it lasered. It's pretty bloody sore now. Then I have to maybe have another op in two weeks if it hasn't worked.
So bang went work, my run, my gym class and my yoga classes today! It wasn't how I imagined Thursday going at all!
UnwiseOldElf I'm glad your meeting went OK.
Elba84 I'm jealous you got to run. ^sulks
^
LuxuryWoman2017 Don't worry, I won't tell you about what happened with the lazer either. I'm blocking it out of my mind right now!
LauraMipsum Thank you.

Sorry mint I could only skim your post, I feel quite faint!

Hope everyone else is having a good evening. I heard from a friend who wants to come over, we usually have wine fuelled nights and I'm too scared to say yes. Not doing as well as I thought then. I'll put her off for a while or suggest a day meet for coffee.

Hello my wonderful babe friends,
Oh how I've missed you all!!! First things first I'm very very sorry I haven't been posting, after not doing so for a while I felt guilty for disappearing and that somehow I'd been disloyal to you wonderful people and I guess I just couldn't find the words to explain my absence without appearing selfish. The truth is I had to change my mindset from counting my sober days and still giving alcohol the power and time of being in my daily thoughts to just discounting alcohol from every part of my life. Instead of living a sober life, I just wanted to be living my life which just so happens to be a sober one.

In truth I've thought of you all so much and so often and just reading the last few pages it feels like coming home, familiar and safe and oh so warm and as always full of genuine affection.

I haven't touched a drop since last July and have lost 2 and a half stones (through weight watchers) and life is so different to the dirty, filthy rock bottom I'd hit, I still shudder if I let my mind wander back.

There is so much I want to say but I don't have much time tonight, I just felt brave enough to reach out and I'm so glad I did.

It's not all plain sailing, I have severe nightmares and insomnia and I'm still terrified of my own mind and my own company, I don't think I'll ever trust myself fully and I live a rather rigid, controlled life but that's my choice, I feel safe doing it this way, scared to change the formula in case it's enough to tip me over. The relief of being sober still washes over me every single morning but having nowhere to hide or no bottle to disappear into is still fresh and uneasy to me.

I am most proud of the fact that my parents can sleep at night without worry and my teenage daughter is no longer withdrawn and furiously angry, we are a very happy little family unit but they are shiny and I am stained, my mind is not miraculously filled with happy hippy thoughts, there is a darkness in its corners that terrifies me but I am learning to deal with it, ODAAT!!!

I promise I'll be back on in the next few days and Im sending a big squishy hug to every single babe reading this. Xxx

Well babyjane I don't know you and I'm new here.
But I just wanted to say I read your post and you sound great.
And, you're not stained. People, hearts, souls...can't be stained.
Everyone has done, said, even thought "bad" things. Loads of em.
But you, you've addressed it, you've climbed out of the well.
Your sobriety is hard earned and I salute you and just cos it bears repeating, you're not stained and you are beautiful.

Hi baby I'm new to the bus too.

You're not stained lovely, it's all come out in the wash and good as new.

You sound like a babe I can learn from x

Elba you inspired me to run tonight! It was 7:15 by the time I was home and ready, blowing a gale and totally freezing, but I told myself that if you can do it then so can I!

Elf, you're brilliant. I know what you mean about AA but I think you can take what you want for it. I only really did step one and I only went once a week but it was enough to keep me booze-free for 3 months. You sound so positive - you can do this!

Mint, hope you're ok? All sounds very delicate and painful, for you.

Ma, keep the new vivan coming! Love it. Hope you're feeling better.

Vivan? I meant vocab. Should have previewed - I got over-confident.

Oh Baby, I've missed you. Welcome back my friend. You are wise and gorgeous and an inspiration.