Brave Babes - Barging through 2017 in style

[SweetLathyrus]

Hello, I'm SweetLathyrus (Sweet for short), and I've been hopping on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus for three years now because, like some many of us, I struggle with alcohol.

The Bus is a supportive community at all stages in their relationship with alcohol and with lots of different goals - for some, it's abstinence, for others it's moderation, for others, it's just about getting a bit of control and perspective.

So, if you think you'd like to join us, don't be shy, flag us down and jump on board and share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with; sometimes there will be silliness, but there will always be help and support.

If you would like to know how the Bus first rattled into action, here is the first ever thread

And if you would like to know where we have been more recently, here is the most recent thread

Himself has had two beers. He's being a twat. Seeing him like that has firmly kicked the drink demon off my shoulder . I've gone to bed instead. Day 10 is finally over.
for you all.

Jesus, another teen tantrum, it's very wearing to be constantly told how rubbish you are. I do get it, I was horrible too at that age but my life the ranting and raging.

I wanna run away!

Good sleep everyone

Another day done here, love catching up on you all. Sorry not to NC everyone but I'm struggling to keep up.
Went for a 'run' tonight, it was bloody horrible, gale force winds and sleet but I did it.
You have my sympathies Lux I've a 13 year old dd, most of the time she hates me but every now and again I catch a glimpse of the woman she'll become. Christ she can be mean tho, to my shame I told her to get the fuck out of my face last week. It must have really shocked her as she apologised for being horrid. I felt like crap mind, loosing your temper is not the way to go.
Thinking of you Elba, i also battle with intrusive thoughts and can't imagine how hard it must be to have them when you've lost your brother to his own demons.
Nearly the weekend, oh joy.
If anyone fancies a little holiday in this dismal month come on up here at the end of January to celebrate Up-Helly-Aa with us. Google it, its a great festival, unfortunately all the better with drink but still a wonderful spectacle without.

Night all. Sleep well.

Hi just checking in
Sorry for everyone struggling with life and whether or not to drink.
That was my wobble last night but tonight it seems to have passed. Not sure why I am not struggling tonight but it could be because I was looking back at photos from a holiday this time last year.
I am mortified because I look as though if you stuck a pin in me I would burst.
My face is sooo puffy and I actually thought that I looked ok and posted them on Facebook😲😲
In case I was mistaken I asked my brutally honest lovely DH and he agreed that my face looked thinner. In fact I heard him snort with laughter and was mortified when he said that he was looking at a "bad photo " of me. I couldn't tell him that it was an honest photo and that I had deleted the others
Anyway this got me thinking that I have got to change my mindset from "doing DJ " to making long term changes in my drinking habits. For me this can't be gritting my teeth through January and popping a cork come 1st Feb.
I honestly had no idea just how much an impact my drinking was having on my appearance.
I don't think I have lost weight but I do feel lighter and no longer bloated .
Hope the sleep fairy has visited you all tonight and you are all snoring away
Will check in properly tomorrow

Checking in, still doing it. Living on cheese and nerves. Very cold here.

elba big bosies for you my dear.

sweet you are doing a grand job of driving the bus.

ma have you spoken to him today? Keep going quine, you will notice a difference, and soon. It will be worth it.

The terrorist had her ct today, she isn't healing. We are going to hit her with more antibiotics and hope for the next month/6 weeks. Then it will be a plate and bone grafts. Heartbroken. I took her for a little walk tonight, first one in weeks. I still have to restrict her. Poor little sod.

dubh don't know how you're doing this with terrorist. Kudos. X

dubh poor little terrorist, that is a real setback for you both . Wishing you both some good news soon

tis photos can be a horrible shock sometimes but if it is spurring you on then perhaps they are useful. It is good that you are feeling less bloated - I also want to avoid holding my breath during January for a big blowout but I forgot that a bit today.

Faire I did laugh a little bit at the 'get off the bloody fence!' You are right, not happy when we drink, not happy when we don't I guess that was a Barrie slap in action!

Night brave babes

Elba those invasive thoughts sound terrifying, no wonder they paralyse you. It is huge that you shared them , I hope you felt a little bit of relief just writing it down. I admire you. I am so sorry that you lost your brother in such tragic circumstances, I can't begin to imagine. (((Hugs)))

lunklitdays
You in Lerwick then? I have childhood friends who have moved back there.

Crap crap crap nights sleep. Thank God I'm on a half day today.
I'm hoping OH will pick me up some AF Koppaberg for me tonight .
Elba So sorry to hear the tough time you have had losing your brother. Sending love to you.
tismesober I hear you on the DJ thing. I am also hoping this will help cut intake in the future. My friends are making plans for a big night out at the end of this to get drunk. I think I'll have the flu that evening.
I suppose I'd best get a wiggle on and get ready for work. The snow has turned to icy slush. Joy.

Morning all,
hope everyone slept ok and didn't completely freeze.

tismesober yes, I've been having similar thoughts. I'm too all or nothing to be a moderate home drinker. Even if I have just 2 G & T's that will be 6 measures. I have no hope of walking away from an opened wine bottle. Dry January has certainly made me think. I can't picture myself as a non-drinker though. I think my aim will have to be that I have a drink when entertaining or on the rare occasions I go out. That's for the future though and just a loose plan. My sugar cravings are subsiding so maybe I will drop a few pounds.

One things for sure, I made a good decision joining the bus. My first posts were timid and now I feel firmly at home.

My luxury today will be to simply keep my feet warm!
Hope everybody else keeps warm.

Morning All,

There was a chilly wind for our morning walk today, but no snow, only ice.

Elba I hope your shift was okay. Your experience of your brother's death is awful, and it is no surprise you have those thoughts. But You are Elbaand you have a different path, you make different choices, and your choice (here on the bus and in rl) is to be honest and to seek change, and that is hard. But you can do it.

Dubh that poor wee pup, buy her an extra feathery duvet as a special treat . I'll drive as long as I don't have sweep up all of Ma's opal fruit wrappers!

Sober, I hate photos of myself too. Since Jan 1st, I have put on 3lb, but I actually look thiner. All of that weight is sweets and crips, but I am over the hump and switching to nuts and fruit; I would hope to have lost that plus another 2lb by the end of Jan.

As for what I will do at the end of the month, I've toyed with committing to 100 days, but actually, I probably need to stop projecting and just carry on ODaaT come Feb. 1st.

Mint, Lux, Spanna, Beaches, Faire, Mouse, Made, 42, Lunk, Margie, Joey, Small, Hope and all of the other Babes, new, old, posting, lurking, have a good day.

Today is a day I will not drink.

Morning, everyone!

Well the 1:1 was an eye-opener. We counted up the units... blimey. And she has put me forward for a weekly "preparing to stop" group - first one next week - and then recommends a medical detox - either out-patient or possibly in-patient.

Unfortunately my DH is way behind me in accepting I have a problem. When I got back he asked me about it and I was quite open with him. I'm a bit scared to stop - go flying solo without my prop - but I'm also fed up, ready for change, and want to LIVE. So in a weird way I'm also grateful and excited - like 2017 could be a great year for me!

But he was just so shocked and wouldn't accept at all that it's "that bad". Thing is, he buys me the wine and the gin. He knows how much I get through. He is in complete denial. Which is weird.

It was a huge relief to talk to the professionals yesterday. I can and will do this. I have too many things I want to do with my life to waste any more of it drunk.

Only thing is I'm not to stop cold turkey - apparently I'm dependent - but she said they breathalyse you when you come to meetings. So how does that work then?! When I asked her about it she said just not to have a major binge the night before. I guess it's all about demonstrating real commitment before they waste NHS funds on getting you sober - which makes sense.

Sorry, rambling again. I feel good though. Had some wine last night and fell asleep on sofa but woke at 11:15 not 3am so that's progress of a sort. Thing is I'm so Jekyll and Hyde. Most of the time I'm into wholefoods and cooking great, nutritious, meals, and walking and swimming and fresh air and all these fabulous things. But I still slump on the sofa to get rat-arsed night after night. Madness.

Off to start a blog!

Elf that is so positive. But, you will really need your DH to get on board - is there any chance you could take him along for at least part of a meeting? So that someone else can explain it to him?

How long does 'preparing to stop' go one for before the detox?

I asked that too, and the answer was "it depends". You HAVE to attend three meetings, but beyond that everyone prepares at their own pace. I will have to wait and see I think. The main thing is it feels good to be taking serious action. I've tried all sorts over the years. I went to my GP back at university and she just laughed my fears off as "normal university high jinks". Thing is I was already terrified by some of the situations I'd got myself into and could tell it was a compulsion. I only started drinking when I was 19 - second year - but I REALLY started drinking.

I can't blame her - just unfortunate. Then I went to an alcohol project for a year, but there was no action - just talk. I need to DO this, not think this.

I will see what they say at the group about partners. I know I need him to be behind me on this. I think he kind-of likes the tipsy me though - as I'm more biddable . Then he gets annoyed when I get pissed. Like I have explained to him loads of times that I don't seem to be able to have "just one" like he can, but he doesn't accept that.

Yes - a lot of work to do in that department once I'm sober I think.

Oh Elf I think he is going to need at least as much readjustment as you, if more more, since you have already arrived at a different mind set and are prepared for change. I hope, for you that he just needs time and not that there is more upheaval ahead because he he uses alcohol as a way to control you.

You keep it up, get to those meetings and kick booze's blubbery arse!

Afternoon Babes 😁 Chilly down south. Sunrise this morning was beautiful. You are all amazing. I am so proud to be part of our bus x

Hi Spanna, I am loving the daily beach pics. The moon was huge this morning just as it was setting too.

You are an inspiration to the bus Spanna

well done elf

Here's the view from my daily commute today..

Ma that is bloody stunning - a hell of a way to start the day. But how often is it shrouded in fog?

How are you today?

Well done Elf Are you going to post a link to your blog here? (no worries if not, only share what you feel comfortable with). But yes, it will be a huge adjustment for your DH too and if he is used to 'drinking' you he will be worrying about upsetting the status quo. But you just have to realise he doesn't think, or drink, like we do - so will never understand why you can't just moderate. Plenty of us here understand and we've got your back

Loving the beach & mountain views. I have a river and a forest nearby. also lots of busy main roads, traffic and housing estates but have not ventured over there at the moment - tons of work on the go and keep being interrupted to give lifts, make meals etc etc. Working from home bollocks. Going to get off MN and try to concentrate now. Hope everyone is having a decent day. Day 13, wooh!

What stunning pictures, I can only see grey

Elf well done for your meeting, I hope your DH can get on board with your plans, I must say I don't understand his thinking from what you've said. I assumed he was a drinker too who was scared of losing his booze buddy. I wish you safe travels on the road ahead.

Here we are then, Friday. Anybody have plans? I am dreading more teen drama tonight. It's truly exhausting but I deal with it so much better sober. My thoughts go 'shut up, just shut up, please piss off' but my words are fairly calm. This is a huge improvement.

Hi all
Just checking in. It's an early bath and bed for me once DCs on bed. Reading The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie.
Take care babes x

Lux, DS has bizarre mood swings sometimes - bites at the weirdest, most innocuous things! but he is almost 15, and beginning to have some insight and self awareness, which means they don't last and he apologises. That said he has just walked in and I can hear him downstairs continuing an argument with DH from this morning about school uniform (Mind you, I think DH has been a bit of a dick today too).

Friday plans: 1) do not drink. 2)remind DH that despite being every bit as busy as him with work this week, I have managed to feed him and DS and shop, and do all of the other household stuff all week, so instead of watching crappy quiz shows, it's his bloody turn .

I'll probably just take a book to bed, I have a whole weekend of prep for the new semester ahead of me, so nothing exiting.

Love all the photos...thanks babes.

Feels weird to be starting a Friday night of a working week even considering not drinking...can't remember the last time I did that probably last DJ. Given that I did DJ last year and the rest of the year went pretty tits up drinkwise, I agree with everyone who needs a plan post-DJ...but we've got a couple more weeks to work on it!

DH just got a promotion at work which would usually more than enough of a reason for me to break out the bubbly/vino/gin/anything else I can find, but tonight I'm going to celebrate with tonic and lime.

I feel like I'm a million times nicer person without the booze - I'm fatter from the chocolate but I've got energy and patience that were very much absent in December.

Elf, well done to you. Have a good night babes.