Brave Babes - Barging through 2017 in style

[SweetLathyrus]

Hello, I'm SweetLathyrus (Sweet for short), and I've been hopping on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus for three years now because, like some many of us, I struggle with alcohol.

The Bus is a supportive community at all stages in their relationship with alcohol and with lots of different goals - for some, it's abstinence, for others it's moderation, for others, it's just about getting a bit of control and perspective.

So, if you think you'd like to join us, don't be shy, flag us down and jump on board and share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with; sometimes there will be silliness, but there will always be help and support.

If you would like to know how the Bus first rattled into action, here is the first ever thread

And if you would like to know where we have been more recently, here is the most recent thread

I saw the lorry on the news that insisted on ignoring the warnings and drove over the bridge anyway. Some people are just idiots!
I find it difficult not to drink if I'm in a pub. At home I can cope if himself has a drink but it's hard going. I tend to just go to bed early and read a book.

All my friends and family are drinkers. I've never attempted to stop before so I'm not sure how I will handle things in future.

So much for an early night, my hormonal lunatic has just spent over an hour telling me how awful I am. Full on teen rant and I'm exhausted. I kept calm but how I would love a few stiff drinks

e.

Evening All! Day 11. Dear lord. It's really interesting toread other peoples' accounts of their drinking habits. Margie32, I too drank through November and December as though I was being paid and over Christmas being paid overtime. I put my head in the sand while knowing to myself that I was probably drinking 10 bottles of wine a week and often it felt as though I was sort of forcing it on myself as though it was expected of me and I was supposed to expect it of myself. So it is lovely coming up for air. This year hasn't been entirely clean. Last night I drank a bottle of beer and I drank half a bottle of wine on Saturday.

I have been offered a wonderful work opportunity which has led to contacting the kind of people I wouldn't normally be in touch with in a fit. It is for me so exciting, and really I could not have coped with the research with any hint of a hangover. It's still a long stretch ahead with this project, and I don't make any £££ but there are much bigger benefits in the longer term.

Theansweris42, I think I understand where you are coming from, re joining in when someone else is having a drink. I feel as though, well they are, so I can too. I think I justify the copying because maybe I want to be wanted. I want to be the same. It's expected of me. I expect it of myself, even though I know the consequences for me will be grim in terms of my self-esteem. I will then be able to confirm to myself that, yes, I truly am a rubbish worthless person, and really no, you don't want to be my friend.
I'm off to watch telly. Keep going!

42 I find that really hard - I worry that I'm ruining their evening by not "joining in" and that I'll be perceived as aloof or standoffish.

ma that sounds awful. Glad you're back, hope you have something warm and comforting!

Lux well done on staying calm. You're a My DD is only a toddler, I'm not sure I'll know what to do with a teenager, I found them incomprehensible when I was one!

Congrats on the work opportunity Tiger!

Hi everyone,

42, I am v much in the same boat, my DH is a Mediterranean man and drinks like one which means one or two glasses of red wine with dinner every night and also with lunch on the weekends. In 12 years together I can safely say I have never seen him drunk or even near it while he has had to scrape me off the floor countless times. His entire family drink like him so a wino like me sticks out like a sore thumb. TBH I don't know the answer...some nights I do give in because it's right there on the table in front of me. I think I just have to constantly remind myself that no matter how much I want to, I can't drink like him and never will.

Sweet - "Alcohol really warps your thinking" - yes!!! You're so right! So well put. I felt like alcohol had taken up residence in my brain by the end of Dec. Can I ask what triggered you to have a drink again when you had such a long AF stint?

Keep safe and warm babes, sounds like weather is wreaking havoc over there, will blow some warm sunshine your way.

Yes it really does warp your thinking, that's so right.

All calmed down here, she's all sweetness again and I'm supposed to forget I'm a lower. A few drinks down and I would have stayed up late being bitter about my crap life.

Hard to stay calm but possible, not so easy when I was a bottle or more down.

Loser not lower

Didn't manage day 10

Tomorrow is another day Elba
Hope you sleep ok x

I'm really scared to be honest. I sat and cried in my car for 20 minutes outside Sainsbury's tonight as I couldn't decide whether to drink or not. Didn't even want the taste of it, it's just become such a weird mix of trying to shut myself off and deliberately hurting myself. I didn't drink because I was craving alcohol, I just wanted a break.

I too spent so much time looking forward to this idealistic new me that would pop up in January that I let myself drink to oblivion whenever I had the chance in December. I was, to be honest, pinning everything on my mental health and general outlook improving after even a few days af.

It hasn't and I'm terrified. I just feel so incredibly, extremely sad. I'm also having lots of very intrusive thoughts (not a new thing) but I'm so scared that they could escalate but yet doing fuck all about them.

In short I'm just a mess that's trying to pretend not drinking will make it all ok

elba massive,massive hugs.

It's ok, it really is. Making it to day 10 of recovery is great. You've already given your body a bit of a break and an opportunity to reset.
10 days in is hard because your sober enough to be able to feel and think about life , perhaps dwelling on the negatives?

I had a bad night for exactly that reason, all the horrible things were uppermost in my mind and I felt really down. I honestly think it's part of recovery. Gah! I'm not explaining well!

Without the booze we can really feel our feelings in all their gnarly glory, hopefully that starts to even out and we just become calmer and more able to cope. Does that make sense?

Fuck the ww, one day won't make much difference , just start again and give it all another go. Plan in some kind of treat for day 10.

Am I rambling? Anyone else have the day 10 blues? Or the opposite pink cloud thingy?

Thanks to everyone for your insights, will check in later, trying to get us out the door.
Elba the AF days will have helped.
I too feel my life and MH are in a mess - with or without drinking.
I think that your realisation whilst not easy, will be illuminating.
Coming to know the drink isn't the reason for the issues (though it mask or ease them/exacerbate them in turn) might help in looking at the the issues.
Knowing it's really me not the drink helps me to not drink (some days) and also to start to look at other ways to address the problems.
I know you're scared, you're also really brave

I'm so sorry you feel so awful Elba I have no wise words for you but wanted to send you a squeeze. I hope you managed some rest.

Also I've done the in the car and in the wine aisle debate so many times. You're not alone.

Oh Elba, wish I could come and find you and give you a huge hug. Guggs and 42 have sent such good advice, all I can do is second what they say. Can you talk to anyone in RL about all this? Not drinking makes me sad too, drinking makes me sad - the reality is that I'm not happy with or without the booze and I know that's a problem I've got to address. You can do this, you've come so far.

Just sending love and hugs to Elba. I second the fact that a few days sober gives us chance to face up to our feelings in all their 'gnarly glory' (love that phrase, Guggs!). I naively expected sobriety to equate to being happy, because I assumed worrying about alcohol was the only thing making me sad. Turns out it's not that simplistic. Duh. I too wish I could come and scoop you up and give you a hug, Elba . How are you feeling today?

More {{{{{t'interbosies}}}}} from me Elba. Being sober won't take away those feelings, but being drunk will stop you from dealing with them. Feeling is HARD, but if you can't feel, you can't change (I was tempted to say 'deal' but it sound like a cheesy gameshow catch-phrase). You will het there. You are already clocking up so many more good days than this time last year. One blip does not erase the good; in the last eleven days, good has outweighed bad by a ratio of 10:1 - I'd take that.

Margie why did I pick up again? If it wasn't for the bus, I wouldn't know because it would be lost in an alcoholic fug (I went back and checked). I let my guard down. I allowed myself one drink - for mothers day, because I thought I could do it. That coincided with a really difficult week, and one became many.

That's what concerns me sweet
It's been almost too easy to stay off the booze for the last 11 days, so I can't have a problem right? Yes I've had odd almost overwhelming craving but I have overcome them so I'm ok aren't I?
But no I don't think I am, I am drawing so much from this thread and almost feel obliged to see it through for you lovely lot.
I wouldn't have joined if I hadn't been so concerned about my health and overall well being.

2 bottles of wine in an evening, barking at the family, not being able to remember going to bed, neglecting myself (when drunk washing off the make-up and properly cleaning teeth is a chore, I did them half heartedly) and it shows. Spending £40m odd quid a week on booze, the list goes on and I feel I am seeing more clearly now.

I'm trying so hard not to look beyond the next day.

*Elba^ sweet is right, you really have achieved a lot in the last couple of weeks, more hugs from me.

sweet you're right, I think sometimes (not always) I wait for friend to order so I CAN have wine if they do. Bit pathetic not to be sailing my own ship!
I am not living with H at the moment (has been a few other threads!) but I do hope we might be able to work on us. He is a drinker. He tries for AF days with a mixture of success. He has had success in moderating the amount so he can have a couple of GnTs where often I will be the one wanting more if I start.
mint I have done that but he works shifts and I feel we miss out on a bit of relaxing time cos of drink which is annoying and sad.
easy and mip there is definitely something about being liked, being "fun", not missing out that leads me to drink if someone else is.
Margie thanks, yes, it's so hard to be moderate, that ust be tricky with your H being able to drink moderately.
The answers must lie inside us, I think.
lux that must've been tough with DD and well done for not having the drink.
hope your Thursdays go OK babes.
I am day 3 today of 4 AF for this week and I do feel better

elba you've mentioned unwanted intrusive thoughts before.
I have them on and off, have had since I can remember (even before drinking). I don't know of a way to combat them, my belief is that when stressed/tired our brains misfire. There's various bits of research and quite a lot of anecdotal stuff about this and that one approach os to accept that they happen, learn when are points they can peak (for me if overtired or during entering or leaving sleep for example) and manage them, knowing they are not real, not your genuine thoughts, impulses or wants, just misfires

Hi just popping in and not read back all but wanted to send Elba a big hug and some . You have come so far since joining this thread babe, and 10 days AF is an amazing achievement in itself. Are you getting any help for intrusive thoughts? Would CBT or meditation help? Sorry if you have said before. We are all here if you need an outlet though.

Guggs I agree with the AF blues thing after a few days. Though for me it is combined with not having enough to do - I usually try to maintain a manic level of work / activity just to stop myself thinking too much, but work is slow starting up again after Christmas, and when I only have a little to do I find it hard to motivate myself.

Also got two blokes in the kitchen servicing my boiler (fnarr, fnarr - just before Ma points out the innuendo) but they seem to have found multiple issues and fearing a big bill. Meanwhile WB has asked me for £12 for using the home phone to ring work mobiles as it has added to his bill. Yes, the person who sponges off me while I pay the gas, electric, water rates, buy most of the food and will no doubt be paying for the fucking new boiler if we need one. I will pay it but make a point of my distaste. He says that I can 'claim it back on tax'. But really, £12. FFS! Twat.

So - not a great day here. House is a tip and have to do my accounts which I hate, but the back room downstairs which is supposed to be my office is stuffed full of crap - ironing, exercise bike, clothes for the charity shop, and some vile home brew that WB's mate brought round for us - bottles and bottles of the stuff. I don't even want it in the house and said so. It is so vile that even a drinker like me won't touch it. Oh, and tons of WBs work stuff is in there in boxes too. I'm waiting for him to go out and will be piling it all up in his office upstairs.

G'aaagh, shitty day today, sorry for moaning. If there are three things I hate they are: massive household bills our of nowhere, accounting and having to spend the day indoors with WB. So a triple whammy today! Fuck it, actually want a wine, but will refrain

Waves to all babes - sorry the bus is moving so fast I can't keep up at the moment, but am popping in and out when I can xxx

hope make sure and disconnect the radiator in WBs office as he hasn't contributed to the costs.

Today I heard the news I had been suspecting - Richard is drinking again. From death's door to 3 and half years teetotal and all for nothing.

Maybe this is a battle that can't be won

Just checking in again. I have my first 1:1 at the alcohol centre today at 3pm. I'm quite nervous about it. Not sure what to expect. But I'll go - and I'll see what happens. I had red wine again last night (I find I drink red wine more slowly than white, which helps me stay more in control) and didn't want any gin. I'd previously been starting on gin (huge measures) and then getting drunk as quickly as possible so I could then excuse drinking more and more...

I find I don't really want to drink but I am scared of not drinking - so I pick up the first one and it goes round again. That's so illogical. It reminds me of when I quit smoking years ago. The fear of not being able to cope without the drug making you turn to the drug to relieve the fear...

Oh no Ma that is awful. How did you find out? Did something in particular trigger it? And how far down the road is he? Can you intervene? Maybe if he has only recently started again you can help him see sense. Are there alcohol services he can go to nearby, and can he be persuaded to do that?

My friend's dad is an alcoholic. Never drank all the years we were growing up, in fact her parents were both snobby and distant and superior - rather 'holier than thou' if I ever stayed at her house as a teenager and we came home from a nightclub a little worse for wear. Then all of a sudden 15 years or so ago, he became a raging alcoholic after retiring. We're talking 4 to 6 bottles a day, with one bottle of wine for starters while walking the dog at 7am (used to hide the empty bottles in bushes all along the road and in neighbour's gardens). He has been sectioned and dried out and he'll stop and then start again a few months later. He's been banned from driving and his wife is in total denial. No idea why, although it coincided with him having to sell his business and retiring so maybe boredom / loss of status.

He's the worst and oddest case I know though. And I think he really doesn't want to help himself - but the point I am making is that no matter how many times he relapsed, the local alcohol services and his GP were always there. So I hope you can persuade your brother to go back to them

Sorry, sorry, sorry though. It is a shitty start to the year for you, but don't give up, he's pulled through before, and we are here if you want to vent. xxx

(and PS how do you disconnect a single radiator? ) Taking notes here...