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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

2017 - following on from my bolt out the blue

999 replies

aleC4 · 01/01/2017 21:19

So here is my new thread as promised. I have found it so therapeutic writing on here and have received some great advice and support.
Here's to grabbing 2017 by the horns and making it my year.
(With maybe a few wobbles along the way!)
I can't work out how to link to my old thread on my phone!

OP posts:
Original poster
aleC4 · 07/09/2020 22:32

@Shorebreak that's so lovely, and I thank you for your loyalty even though I didn't know about it. I feel honoured you saved your first post for me Smile
I genuinely do hope others have felt as supported by my threads as I have.
In the early days, posting here was just a way of getting it out of my head and thinking out loud in a way. The advice and support I received was amazing and I'm so glad I did it.
I also feel a kind of loyalty to this thread too which is why I always try to come back every now and again to update. People were there for me and I feel I owe it to them in a way to let them know I'm still here.
It's all gone crazy here at the moment with the return to school and work but I like busy.
Dd is being quite challenging right now but I'm putting it down to returning to school after so long, adjusting her life again, her age (13!🙈) and her just pushing the boundaries a bit.

OP posts:
Original poster
aleC4 · 26/10/2020 07:20

Hi all just thought I'd catch up.
Things are going on nicely here, we've just started half term.
The dc are back at school albeit different and I'm at work.
Dd is isolating at the moment due to a girl in her class resting positive. She is not happy as she has to stay in all over half term. I'm trying to find fun things for her to do.
Things with exh are ok. We've actually had some more pleasant conversations recently at the dc sporting events etc. I think that rawness and anger is long gone now and we've got to the point where we can be civil. It's good for the dc to see us being able to get along.
I feel nothing at all towards him now - no anger, nothing. My life now is the best it's ever been and the dc are settled. They still have their moments at his, dd especially, but he definitely makes much more effort with them now.

OP posts:
janaus50s · 27/10/2020 12:59

Thanks for update. Good to see that you and dc are doing well. You’ve been quite an inspiration,

KatherineSiena · 27/10/2020 13:23

I’m so pleased to hear this. I’m a long-standing lurker who was always drawn to your thread. You sound so calm, so lovely and sensible. You’ve always been so measured in your response to your XH when I’m sure you’ve not wanted to at times. Your children are lucky to have you (and your pupils). Wishing you all the best for the future. 💐

Onxob · 27/10/2020 16:20

I've been reading your entire threads on and off over the last few days OP (how have I missed them?!) and just wanted to say you sound like an amazing mum and your DC are very lucky to have you Flowers

Guitarstrings · 27/10/2020 21:42

I’ve just read all your threads tonight. You are so strong. I’m so pleased you’re in a much better place now.

I hope you have a wonderful birthday tomorrow xx

user1493423934 · 28/10/2020 01:15

Thanks for the update AleC4. You're really an inspiration!

Mygirlsareeverything · 03/12/2020 12:12

Hi AleC4

How is everything with you ?

Mygirlsareeverything · 03/12/2020 12:14

..... sorry was meant to add that I’ve followed you from the start but have names changed Smile

Original poster
aleC4 · 20/12/2020 22:54

Hi things are pretty shit today, but thanks for asking 🙂
Nothing exh related, just this stupid virus.
It's my Christmas Day to have the kids this year and we were so looking forward to seeing my parents for a few days. Rubbish that we couldn't see my sisters and their families but better than nothing.
Then obviously yesterday that all changed, but ok we'd go further days I'd drive down Christmas morning and back at night.
Then today I find out I have to isolate until 28th due to a positive test at work. So not only can I not see my parents, I also have no food in!
I have literally cried a pandemic's worth of tears this afternoon. Luckily the kids are at their dad's. They've taken it well actually and dd has been sending me sweet messages saying don't worry it's not your fault, we'll still have a fun day.
She's right of course, we will, but it's not what is set my heart on. My parents are being very stoic about it but I j ie they're disappointed too.
We'll get over it but I just needed somewhere to come and rant tonight where no one knows me.
Things could be a lot lot worse I know that, so I will be thankful for my lot and pull myself together.

OP posts:
Original poster
aleC4 · 24/12/2020 22:39

So here we are, Christmas Eve.
I've got over my disappointment of isolation now and have to make the best of it tomorrow for the kids.
We had a lovely doorstep carol sing tonight organised by some people up the road. It felt very festive and was nice to feel fresh air on my face.
All the presents are out ready for the morning. It's a very long time since we've had Christmas here, not since I've been a single parent. We'll make our own traditions abs enjoy the day.

OP posts:
Mummacake · 24/12/2020 23:05

Alec4, wishing you and you children a happy and peaceful Christmas and a bright and shiny new year. You have been an inspiration to so many. Keep on shining lovely one - merry Christmas 🎄🎄🎄xxx

Mygirlsareeverything · 24/12/2020 23:24

Thanks for the update aleC4

Enjoy Christmas Day with your DC.
I’m sure you’ll make it special.
Take care Xmas Smile

Original poster
aleC4 · 27/02/2021 21:13

Goodness me how things have changed since that last post on Christmas Eve.
We had the worst start ever to 2021 as I lost my beloved dad in January very suddenly. It wasn't covid, he had a very sudden, acute health issue that he couldn't survive.
It has been the most devastating thing ever. The kids and I are heartbroken. I have never been through anything so difficult and it's made all the harder by the fact that isn't support my lovely mum in the way I want to due to all the restrictions.

OP posts:
Lurcherloves · 27/02/2021 21:20

So sorry OP when I lost my dad it was like someone had blown a hole in my very being.
The grief must be so raw.
The thing I did learn from him (he had a terminal illness so we had the end of life time together) was to enjoy life as it is, so just the every day little blessings like your first cup of tea in the morning, a nice chat with your kids, etc
You must be having a really tough time but remember that trouble doesn’t last always
Lots of love xxxx

Original poster
aleC4 · 27/02/2021 21:25

Thank you. I think it's the shock that is the worst thing for us all. He was such a strong, fit, healthy man. It really just wasn't his time yet. Although he was mid 70s everyone thought he was much younger.
He was so full of life.
The one thing we are all trying to get peace from us that he was living his best life right until the end. He never had to slow down, he never had to stop doing the things he loved.
It's just so so hard to imagine life without him going forward.

OP posts:
user1493423934 · 27/02/2021 22:59

So sorry AleC4. Sending much love and un-mumsnetty hugs to you and your DC.

Houseofvelour · 27/02/2021 23:04

I'm so sorry Thanks

Mygirlsareeverything · 28/02/2021 08:12

Oh aleC4, so sorry to read your sad news. Big hugs to you.

My dad died very suddenly, completely out of the blue so I can understand you feeling shocked. It’s just that disbelief.

Time is a great healer. Take care of yourself, your kids and familyFlowers

Mygirlsareeverything · 28/02/2021 19:25

Have been thinking of you today aleC4.

Hope you have had a good day Flowers

Shorebreak · 28/02/2021 21:53

What a horribly shocking and sad time for you made even harder by these awful times when you can’t be physically close your Mum. I hope the spring brings optimism. Flowers

MatHancockLovesMyTits · 01/03/2021 10:53

Hi Ale,
So sorry to hear about the sad loss of your much loved Dad. Sending you lots of love.

Original poster
aleC4 · 23/03/2021 23:13

Today has been a really tough day. I Keir a lid on it all day at work but when I got home, with the kids safely at their dads, I just lost it.
The day of reflection stuff has hit me hard. It brought it all back so much. The realisation that in the last year I say my dad I think only three times and now I'll never see him again.
I find the chinks of hope hard to deal with too. I'm so excited at the prospect of a little normality starting to return but with it comes that heavy hearted feeling that our normality will never be the same again. Not sure if that makes sense, sorry I'm rambling.

OP posts:
DPotter · 26/03/2021 11:02

No need to apologies for rambling (which you weren't).

I think many people are feeling the impact of the last year; I feel I've managed pretty well, but I've started to feel tearful when thinking and talking about how long we have been living under this. And I haven't lost my Dad in the middle of it all, so you are not unusual in this at all.

Grief is a weird thing - you think you're feeling OK and then bang out of nowhere it can hit you. It's still early days after loosing your Dad, so tears are entirely to be expected.

The best thing is to recognise that Yes it's a shitty time and to hang on to the little positives and look to those chinks of hope. Sorry if that sounds a bit trite, words can be so clumsy at times, when what we all need is a big hug

Sadnessallaround · 26/03/2021 14:56

Hi aleC4

Sorry to read that you had a particularly tough day.
Being reflective can bring
so many emotions and having those low days can be so sad.

Over this last period of time I have come to realise how short life actually is.

There will be bumpy days ahead but brighter ones too.

Big hugs to you Flowers