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Original poster

Help I've gone crazy & sent too many texts...

284 replies

MemorySoup · 29/12/2016 11:55

And am now wanting to 'amend' the situation by sending more texts. I am sitting on my hands and am determined not to but - aargh - why have I become this needy wreck?

Am seeing someone but v early days. He keeps saying he likes me but messages are getting briefer and less frequent. I think this is because I am appearing needy. And the sad thing is I probably am .. I am aware of this and trying to change, but it's really hard when you have such fragile self esteem.

I sent a few messages last night saying I was disappointed not to have heard from him after seeing him earlier.

I had mentioned the other day that it really cheered me up getting messages (sad I know) and he said he wanted to make me happy and was looking forward to getting to know me, I was nice, liked spending time with me etc etc.

In the cold light of day me texting last night was all wrong, so wrong. I have predictably heard nothing since 10pm last night when I apologised and said I was just feeling a bit down.

Please come and tell me what to do (or not to do) now and how not to be such a total abject failure when it comes to dating & self esteem. I feel like such an idiot.

OP posts:
LotsoNumbers · 29/12/2016 15:25

If it was me and I was really keen I'd send a bright and breezy message suggesting a meet up. He may not know how to address the awkwardness your multiple texts have created. If he doesn't respond to that message (hi, do you want to meet up before we go away) then cut your losses. I'd give him a day to respond before I cut him off

Bluntness100 · 29/12/2016 15:26

I feel really dirty and used for sleeping with him now, he probably thinks I am a desperate slut sad

venusinscorpio · 29/12/2016 15:27

I agree with Connie and maybe. I think it would be better to know now. Fuck the game playing. Be upfront, ask to meet up and if he either doesn't reply or says no just delete, block and move on.

birdybirdywoofwoof · 29/12/2016 15:30

If you've already gone crazy and sent too many texts then the absolute last thing, I repeat, the last thing you should do is send more texts.
Please don't.

Bluntness100 · 29/12/2016 15:31

When (if ) he contacts me I expect I will un bin him though cos I'm weak.

Jackiebrambles · 29/12/2016 15:32

Please god don't text!!! Head up high, move on.

Agree with others, when it's the right man there is none of this angst. He's just not the right man.

Next!

Potnoodlewilld0 · 29/12/2016 15:33

No I wouldn't send any more texts.

Just go very quiet now and regain some control. Try your best not to take this any further if only for your sanity because you know he is being a bell end. Flowers

Original poster
MemorySoup · 29/12/2016 15:38

My self esteem was pretty non existent before. Then this guy comes along shows interest, it rises up a bit
('I must be ok after all'). Then I do this stupid needing affection thing and don't get the response I wanted
('I am def not OK I am a stupid, needy, weak, pathetic loser who this guy cant even be bothered to contact even though he knows I like hearing from him, but ho pathetic is that...etc etc')

I am fed up of this endless cycle of highs and lows, I feel so angry, yet so stupid.

I don't know why I bother thinking or hoping anything will ever change. I feel doomed. At least I can run every day now and then when I am super fit again no doubt some other loser will want to fuck me ask me out and the whole miserable charade will start again....

OP posts:
Original poster
MemorySoup · 29/12/2016 15:38

Thank you Potnoodle Flowers

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 29/12/2016 15:40

No OP, you haven't binned him. And I don't think that he has done anything wrong. The person who is fucking with your head and being heartless is you. Finish with this man and do not get involved with another until you sort yourself out and stop using men as a bizarre form of self harm.

BatFacedGirl · 29/12/2016 15:41

Gosh this is an uncomfortable read! Please leave the poor man alone now. Delete his number and all other contact avenues. If I'd been seeing someone for a few months or weeks or whatever I would run a marathon to distance myself from someone trying to pin me down on 'feelings' and pestering me about 'am I sure I don't just want a fling?'

You need to stop dating for a while and work on what it is in you that is making you behave in this way. It's really really off putting to other people and very unfair to dump all your insecurities on to them

Sorry I can't flower that up for you but it's the truth as I see it

Original poster
MemorySoup · 29/12/2016 15:41

How then Dione, do I 'bin him', if not by stopping contact?
Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
MemorySoup · 29/12/2016 15:42

Yeah I know BatFaced - you speak the truth sadly.

OP posts:
mistermagpie · 29/12/2016 15:44

But you haven't 'stopped contact', you are waiting to hear from him.

Original poster
MemorySoup · 29/12/2016 15:45

Mister. Er, yes and if he does contact me I will ignore?

OP posts:
Lilyloo456 · 29/12/2016 15:46

Before I got with current fella I was single for a while and did the online dating thing. Met a few men went on dates etc, and like you I went on a couple of dates, slept with him
And then heard nothing. At first I was like you texting and getting worried. Then I just stopped, felt like a bit of a idiot for being needy but lesson learned. I didn't text and never heard from him again.... till about 6 months later 🙄 told him where to go.
Any man who can't be bothered to text back simply isn't worth your time or energy! Dating is meant to be fun not a headfuck! I'd delete him number and move on. If he's like this in the beginning what on earth would he be like if you were in a serious relationship? He's got issues and I'd steer clear untill you meet someone who likes texting you back and makes you feel special. There are men out there ☺

Original poster
MemorySoup · 29/12/2016 15:47

I went for a walk at lunchtime and was thinking about my upcoming trip. I wish I hadn't planned it, it was just a bid t escape from the daily misery of my life which I am not really looking forward to and can ill afford. I used to be so scared of flying, but now I just feel numb and if the plane crashes it will at least put me out of my misery.

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 29/12/2016 15:47

You call or text and tell him that this relationship isn't working out for you so you are ending it. Wish him well for the future and then block and delete.

Freedom!

BatFacedGirl · 29/12/2016 15:54

I'd disagree that this man has got issues Lily. What makes you say that? Most people would back away from an intense onslaught of texts when they'd literally been seeing someone for a couple of weeks.

The freedom from this will come when you accept that you're not in a position at the moment to be sleeping with men. No good can come of it as you become needy and desperate and that will have the natural conclusion of this happening

No need to announce to him you're moving on or finishing with him. Just leave it. Carry on with life and work out what would enable you to start feeling brighter in yourself

Greenandmighty · 29/12/2016 15:55

When he texts you, I suggest you leave a decent pause of a few hours before replying to gain back some strength so to speak. Yes play it cool and get busy so you have other things to talk about and occupy you. Do no be a booty call....So bad for the self esteem. Xx

Blobby10 · 29/12/2016 15:56

MemorySoup - fellow low self esteem person here again!!! never mind asking everyone else whether you should or shouldnt reply. Honestly - do you like him? For what he is? Was he good at kissing and in bed? if the answer to any of these is Yes then why cut off all contact? Seems daft but ..........

I do agree that you need to leave the ball in his court, like I have done with my on/off/not even started man! In man world, not messaging since 10pm last night is no biggie - I haven't had anything since 10am yesterday but I know he has his daughter with him and was going to visit a 'friend' today so trying to be logical and sensible- yes Im overthinking this way too much but have deleted all our messages and texts from my phone as I kept re-reading them although not him as a contact and am staying steely and strong and waiting for him to contact me. If he does great cos I enjoy his company (and kisses!) but I wont be contacting him first.

Original poster
MemorySoup · 29/12/2016 16:00

I do like him Blobby but can't be doing with people who treat me like this and can't or won't give me the affection I need. I'd rather bin him now than pretend not to be needy and then it all explode a few months down the line and be even messier / more upsetting.

OP posts:
mistermagpie · 29/12/2016 16:01

Good points from Blobby. All this worry about whether he likes you but do you actually like him? Or are you just scared of rejection?

If you really like him for who he is and his qualities, then binning him off at this early stage seems a bit premature just because he hasn't replied once.

Original poster
MemorySoup · 29/12/2016 16:02

Mister, I do like him - but if he doesn't like me / feel the same then it's immaterial as will go nowhere anyway.

OP posts:
mistermagpie · 29/12/2016 16:03

But you don't actually know he doesn't like you, do you? It hasn't even been 24 hours.

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