Help I've gone crazy & sent too many texts...

[MemorySoup]

And am now wanting to 'amend' the situation by sending more texts. I am sitting on my hands and am determined not to but - aargh - why have I become this needy wreck?

Am seeing someone but v early days. He keeps saying he likes me but messages are getting briefer and less frequent. I think this is because I am appearing needy. And the sad thing is I probably am .. I am aware of this and trying to change, but it's really hard when you have such fragile self esteem.

I sent a few messages last night saying I was disappointed not to have heard from him after seeing him earlier.

I had mentioned the other day that it really cheered me up getting messages (sad I know) and he said he wanted to make me happy and was looking forward to getting to know me, I was nice, liked spending time with me etc etc.

In the cold light of day me texting last night was all wrong, so wrong. I have predictably heard nothing since 10pm last night when I apologised and said I was just feeling a bit down.

Please come and tell me what to do (or not to do) now and how not to be such a total abject failure when it comes to dating & self esteem. I feel like such an idiot.

God just put yourself out of your misery and txt him now - bright and breezy - hi do u wNt to meet for coffee on x before we go away? If he doesn't respond then delete and you'll know it's over by tomorrow. Otherwise if u leave it you'll be agonising for days. Take the power back and it'll either make it clear he likes you or you ca move on.

Trucking, less than 24 hours ago (before my perceived cock up) he was saying everything was fine! I accept I need to back off, but he has not given any signs he is not 'into me'. He might be into me for all the wrong reasons, pardon the pun, but that's a separate issue.

Oh Gawd, I'm going to have to do a poll of yesses and nos, so far I think the nos have it.

Look if sending a breezy text is going to put him off then it isn't really going much further in the long term anyway

I'd send a direct text asking if he wants to meet up. Nothing vague just an invitation. Yes, if he doesn't respond/says no you'll feel worse but at least you will know and can stop wondering/move on.

It's not about putting him off or not. It's about having some dignity and taking the power back by choosing not to dangle on a string over a bloody man. Move on, just move on. Stop agonising about him. Go out for a walk, dust off your cv, meet a friend, whatever. Just CHOOSE to stop wasting brain space on him.

OP, never text him again. If you have something to say phone him and have a conversation.

In the meantime, just live your life as you did before you met him and turned into the needy person you are now.

Don't text, don't call. You know that would be a mistake!

Do NOT contact him! You have been intense, now you need to be cool to undo the damage!
Write his number down on a piece of paper and hide it somewhere it's a hassle to get (maybe also write DO NOT USE beside it!)
Delete his number
Get out for a run/shop etc
Let him contact you

If he doesn't get in touch - as it's his turn to do so - you will have your answer without the indignity of double texting (and double texting after intensity)

memory it's not you actually it's him.

I was you and even my friends used to tell me to chill out but what I was picking up on was that he wasn't in it for what I was or that something was slightly off and that used to set me off on some crazy self esteem nose dive.

Many many men come on strong at the begining and enjoy the chase (when we play it cool) then when we are hooked they ebb off leaving us thinking what the fuck happened.

From experience is write this one off as your always gonna be in the back foot now as he knows you will take any scraps.

When I met Dh it was very shortly after going through this yet again with another bloke that was doing this or just wasn't as much in ti me as I him. I actually went out with Dh as a pick me up date as I was so down. And he was perfect for me.

I never ever had those feelings because he wasn't messing around and wanted the same as me.

Chin up. Delete his number and see if he contacts you but I'd chalk this one off

Potnoodle - thank you for sharing that, I can defintely identify with the self esteem nose dive!

Just out of interest, what is it that I have said that makes you think this though:

your always gonna be in the back foot now as he knows you will take any scraps

potnoodle

I agree with you. I once got involved with a guy around whom I became intensely anxious and quite obsessed around contact/texts etc.
It is only in retrospect and from knowing his typical behaviour that I realised that my intuition had picked up that this guy was not safe at all.

He did the whole hot/cold
Push/pull thing and I handed over all my power and ended up in a mess.

Because of the over messaging it shows your panicking but he will see it as needy/desperate. Some guys love the chase and when there is nothing to chase...

This whole idea of playing it cool or appearing unavailable is shit. When you meet the right person it will be natural and no game playing

dead it's what's happens lots as society tells us we must be in a relationship to be successful or happy so we often over ride out spidey senses 😒

memory did you sleep with him when you seen him earlier on in the day?

I would normally say do not text but if you don't hear from him before he goes away and then you go away, you will have driven yourself loopy for two weeks waiting for him to text!

If you were not so anxious I would say leave it. But in your position I think I would ask does he want to meet up. If he makes an excuse or ignores you or dumps you then at least you will be put out of your misery.

Was it the first time you had sex with him? Is that why you are panicking?

Yes we did sleep together. It may have been over messaging as you say, but he was replying. What makes it worse these days is that you can see when someone is online and he has been several times today and could have messaged me on messenger, whatsapp etc, but hasn't. I think it's heartless. I think he's being unkind whether intentionally or not. I can't cope with that. mentally I think I have written him off.

I feel really dirty and used for sleeping with him now, he probably thinks I am a desperate slut :(

Then bin him OP and get on with your life instead fucking up your own head like this.

Great advice from Potnoodle.

I agree, you are picking up on something (from him) that is making you feel insecure and angsty. As I said up thread, when it's 'right' you don't feel the way you are feeling now. When I met DH I was in a very bad place for various reasons and was acting like a basket case generally l, but he never wavered and I never ever doubted how he felt about me or whether he was 'all in' despite my aforementioned basket casery.

If he is in line - he can see your on line and it's twattish and not the actions of some one in those heady first few weeks of hot sex and finding out about each other.

Honestly it's not you its him. I'd be upset too if I'd been shagging some one with the hope it was leading some where and he was ignoring me on line. He could at least sent a 'hey you' or 'you ok'?

Fuck him

Watch this link... do not be this girl !

Dione - mentally I have binned him. When (if ) he contacts me I expect I will un bin him though cos I'm weak.