OH went out last night and came back at 9am this morning

[Sarahjane1994]

My OH went on a works do last night. He went out at 9pm yesterday and didn't come home till 9am this morning. I was whatsapping him from 6am asking where he was and he was reading the messages but not replying. He came home and has gone straight to bed. I had so much planned for today (we have a 1 year old and he has a 7 year old that I was taking care of all yesterday btw) and now he's sleeping off his hangover and won't speak to me. I opened his xmas present that I saved up for ages for and chucked it on the bed next to him and said 'merry christmas' but he didn't even look he just threw it on the floor.

His 7 year old has gone home now and my 1 year old is having a nap. I keep getting upset and I just know it's going to be the worst christmas ever.

I don't know how to react. It's not the first time he's done this. Ive gone mad at him before and it never works he still does it.
If I go out which is very rare he interrogates me about other men etc. I wouldn't dare stay out, he would literally be accusing me of all sorts now if I pulled a stunt like that.

What are your thoughts on this situation please?

Thanks and happy xmas eve x

Is your little girl still sleeping? Is he still?

Can you go somewhere he won't hear to call women's aid?

He's a violent bastard who doesn't give a shit about you both. You are in danger with him. Please call and make plans. Definitely take his present back and save the money!

Leave now.

He says he would never let me move on with someone else.

This was a huge red flag for me, Sarahjane, and that was before I read the rest of the thread. He isn't a good partner. He isn't a good father. You deserve better, and so does your child.

Much love to you on this horrible day, and hoping that you can get help to start a better life without him. Ringing Women's Aid is a good start.

If you could click your fingers now and be rid of him, would you?

If yes, then it's the actual leaving you're afraid of, not the being without him.

And there are people who will help you leave.

Take your first step in the right direction today OP, make that phone call. Don't put if off. Christmas brings out the worst in these sad excuses for human beings!

If you have family close by...go to them!

I've read something before that says hands on your neck statistically increases the likelihood of being murdered.

I'm sorry your going through this especially at Christmas. All the best to you and your DD

I've spoke of this before but I stayed with an abusive ex for 5 years. I'm ashamed of what I put my DD's through I really am. Don't make the same mistake I did.

I urge you also to think of your career as well as your child. As a Primary teacher you would have to disclose if anyone was living in the same house who had a conviction for violence - even if it was a house or flat share and the person was not a member of your family.

It is heartbreaking to read how you think your (not)DP isn't too bad - as if you don't deserve better. You do and so does your daughter. Please take the advice of the experienced people on this thread.

I can hear the clanging bells of denial from here

If I were you I'd be more afraid of my daughter walking in to find me dead as he took it too far.

You said if he hurt your DD that would be it but what if he severely injured or even killed her? She's still so tiny - then it would be too late.

You need to stop repeating history otherwise your DD in 20 years time will be writing the exact same thing.

He is a nasty little cunt. He's a violent bastard and probably a coward too - bet he wouldn't behave that way to a 6ft 2 220 pound boxer, eh?

I'm a single mother. It's great not living in fear and doing what we want. I wouldn't change my circumstances for the world. Single motherhood isn't as hard as you think. In fact in many ways I think it is easier. It's certainly infinitely better than what you have now.

If he was such a good father he wouldn't be smashing up his DD's house and getting physical with her Mother. Just because he doesn't actually smack you, it doesn't mean he isn't being violent towards you.

All it takes is for your DD to get in the way of one of his outbursts once for her to get hurt physically. Think carefully about what you do next Sarah - for your little girl if not for yourself.

Sorry if what I said sounds harsh. I don't want either you or DD to be hurt.

Life is too short.

If he gets violent call the police - he's already on their radar.

Leave and don't look back

Thanks everyone. I've booked a hotel for me and my daughter to spend tonight and I'm going to call women's aid when I get there. I'll bring all of her presents so it will still be a christmas morning when she wakes up. I agree with what you all say. I have three reasons why I should leave; for my daughter, for my career and for my self.

Thanks again and merry Christmas to you all. Xx

Great news!

Just make sure you don't leave an email/message with the booking confirmation (if he has any way to access your email/phone messages somehow)

Sarah- you go woman!!

I admire you so much for doing this, that took courage, but is absolutely the right thing to do.
You and your DD will have a much better christmas this way, rather than the tension and walking on eggshells.
Your DD will be happy having christmas without all that tension, she won't care that she is in a hotel, it will be an adventure- she will have some gifts and her Mum.

Your DD is lucky having a brave strong Mum. XXX

Turn off any app where he can find where you are.

You have no choice but to leave this abusive pathetic twat.

Glad to see this.

You'll look back on this as the best Christmas morning ever. The best gift you could ever give yourself and your daughter.

Huge congratulations. Keep yourself safe

Well done op, merry Xmas

. "It's more like grabbing me by the throat or pinning me down or grabbing my hair."

Just read that sentence back to yourself and think what would you say to your little girl if a man who is supposed to love her did that to her? If I was you I would get Christmas out of the way for your little one and then leave or ask him to, this is not a nice relationship. You do not treat people you love like this.

You're a super star! It usually takes a lot longer for women to reach the point they feel they can leave. Getting your daughter out so young will be the best gift you could give her. Don't let your DP find out where you are staying, his behaviour could escalate. Call the police if he shows up and won't leave. Please be safe.

Don't tell anyone where you are staying. Make sure you are safe. Don't block his phone number. Hopefully, he'll show his true colours via text? Then you'll have enough evidence to take out a retraining order. Let the police know that you fear for your safety. He has form/previous conviction so you will be taken seriously.

When it's safe to return home. Get the locks changed. Make sure there is a restraining order in place first. As the order comes with the power of arrest.

Good luck op, nobody deserves to be treated like that. I really hope you do leave him, you are young and imagine how your life will be having to put up with this behaviour week in, week out. Everyone deserves to be happy and your daughter deserves to grow up feeling safe.

Well done Sarah, well done. Please don't go back to him. He will spin you all manner of bullshit. He got three months for breaching a restraining order. Prison sentences aren't handed out like smarties you can bet he was a dick more than once.
You have a great future without him.