OH went out last night and came back at 9am this morning

[Sarahjane1994]

My OH went on a works do last night. He went out at 9pm yesterday and didn't come home till 9am this morning. I was whatsapping him from 6am asking where he was and he was reading the messages but not replying. He came home and has gone straight to bed. I had so much planned for today (we have a 1 year old and he has a 7 year old that I was taking care of all yesterday btw) and now he's sleeping off his hangover and won't speak to me. I opened his xmas present that I saved up for ages for and chucked it on the bed next to him and said 'merry christmas' but he didn't even look he just threw it on the floor.

His 7 year old has gone home now and my 1 year old is having a nap. I keep getting upset and I just know it's going to be the worst christmas ever.

I don't know how to react. It's not the first time he's done this. Ive gone mad at him before and it never works he still does it.
If I go out which is very rare he interrogates me about other men etc. I wouldn't dare stay out, he would literally be accusing me of all sorts now if I pulled a stunt like that.

What are your thoughts on this situation please?

Thanks and happy xmas eve x

I left an abusive ex on Christmas Eve 6 years ago and it was the best presant I gave me & my child. Please, fin a way to leave. There is a way. Is there anyone else you can spend Christmas with? If not, call WOmen's Aid the next opportunity you get. And it might take a while but in a few CHristmases time you'll realise how much you happier you and your child are

Cross post, so glad you've done this. And go no contact, the bastard will try and worm his way back at some point with crocodile tears and false promises. Merry christmas, and a very happy new year!

Great!

You are young and clever with a bright future ahead of you. Don't settle for this abusive man. Get out now and give you and your daughter a new start.

Please leave, nothing he can offer you is worth letting him treat you like this. Your little girl will grow up thinking that it's ok to be treated so badly by a partner. I've had a nasty, controlling, violent partner and getting help to get rid of him is the key. Don't be ashamed, don't hide the truth put yourself and your beautiful baby first.
Be strong

Well done, op. My dd is your age. It would be lovely if you could give us an update later on. You sound really strong. Can any posters who have phoned a women's refuge explain what is likely to involve? So that the op (and any others) see a picture of what it will happen so it seems like a realistic and positive experience, please?

So glad you are both going to be safe. You are doing the right thing. Stay safe and enjoy your freedom.

I've just read the whole thread before commenting, and have just seen your latest update Sarah, which I'm relieved to see.

I was originally going to reply - because you'd said you'd see out Christmas - to say never give it 'one more day' or 'one more week', or whatever. Giving it another day/week/month etc, can be too late. A relative of a friend decided to 'see it out' until after one of her DC's birthdays. "It's only eight more days," she said to my friend. I don't want to go into details, but she's now living with permanent medical issues, because of what her scumbag of an ex-H did to her.

You're giving your daughter the best Christmas present of all, by getting her and you, away from him.

I wish you the very best.

He has a temper and can get physical. He smashes the house to pieces and I'm always replacing mirrors etc. He went to prison for 3 months for breach of a restraining order or something with his ex but it was all because she wasn't allowing him to see his son

This alone is good reason to get him out. The only acceptable level of violence in a relationship is zero. If he's violent enough to have a restraining order against him I'm not surprised he wasn't allowed to see his son.

Get the hell out now and don't look back.

Sarah, you are a real hero and have done a huge thing today. You have given yourself a new start and really been a lioness protecting your dd.

Please don't go back and don't listen to any crying/apologies/threats he may make it any promised to change. That ship has sailed.

I wish you and dd a lovely Christmas Day

Well done. This is the best Christmas present you can give yourself and your daughter. Remember to take important documents with you e.g. Birth certificates etc.

Leaving is a dangerous time. It is worth while you popping out to the shops with your daughter and instead ringing your local police station, explain your ex history and ask them to be there when you leave.

That is a good start.

Remember, the best present you can give your daughter is being away from that excuse for a man.

Bloody well done op! So glad to hear this. Keep posting, we are here with you!

So happy to see your most recent update, good on you. You can give your little girl a much happier life away from this man. Hope your Christmas is as good as it can be, and keep posting for support!

He saw me putting daughters christmas presents in the car and now he's took her upstairs and shut the bedroom door. Frustrating. She is laughing with him right now but he knows I'm upto something. Don't know how I'll get to leave now x

In my experience the jealous, interrogating partner is the one not to trust. Along with his violence issues this relationship is not healthy. Leave it for now and get rid of him in the new year. Just don't provoke him or call women's aid if you feel unsafe.

Sarah, don't take any risks. Call women's aid on your mobile if you can without him noticing then delete the call history? Can you get someone to come round to be there with you.

You might have to call the Police

Police might actually be a good idea.

If you call women's aid or police please do tell them he has a criminal conviction already and about what he has done to you in the past

Oh god, I thought you'd escaped. Wait til he goes to the bathroom and grab her and run. Don't let on where you're going. He's hungover so at some point he'll need to go to the loo/drink/eat. Maybe cook him something and take it up with the pretences of an apology. He won't want to play with her all day. Then leg it.

What a total selfish fucking arsehole. Don't know if you have any family but I'd be packing my bag and taking dc away over xmas and leaving him to his hangover.

Ha has absolutely no respect for you or his dc. Bet his ex would stop contact if she knew he wasn't even there to see his kid! That alone should give you a clear indication of how it's going to be for you and yours in a few years time.
Dont waste your time with this prick. He won't change.

Please phone the police and have him removed. You grew up with a violent dad and now you're doing the same to your daughter :(

A previous poster is right, your DBS check will throw up his convictions if he lives at your address. Please get rid if you're the main tenant. Don't put your daughter through this shit.

People are asking you to leave OP. Can you afford to with a 1 year old?. Are you dependent on him financially?