OH went out last night and came back at 9am this morning

[Sarahjane1994]

My OH went on a works do last night. He went out at 9pm yesterday and didn't come home till 9am this morning. I was whatsapping him from 6am asking where he was and he was reading the messages but not replying. He came home and has gone straight to bed. I had so much planned for today (we have a 1 year old and he has a 7 year old that I was taking care of all yesterday btw) and now he's sleeping off his hangover and won't speak to me. I opened his xmas present that I saved up for ages for and chucked it on the bed next to him and said 'merry christmas' but he didn't even look he just threw it on the floor.

His 7 year old has gone home now and my 1 year old is having a nap. I keep getting upset and I just know it's going to be the worst christmas ever.

I don't know how to react. It's not the first time he's done this. Ive gone mad at him before and it never works he still does it.
If I go out which is very rare he interrogates me about other men etc. I wouldn't dare stay out, he would literally be accusing me of all sorts now if I pulled a stunt like that.

What are your thoughts on this situation please?

Thanks and happy xmas eve x

I'm sorry, wrong thread. Apologies. Don't know how that happened.

You can be stronger than this.

Oh my God, you poor girl. He's an awful, abusive, violent thug. Do not let your little girl grow up in a household where this is seen as normal.

I wouldn't let my child see him either op so don't blame the ex. He's probably spun you a huge web of lies. He will end up hitting you, you know this. You're too scared to leave because he'll get physical. You need to leave. I know you said you wouldn't want your child be to brought up in a broken home; well I'd rather a broken one than violent

Thank you for your replies.

I understand how it sounds but if he ever lost his temper with my little one then I'd be straight out the door on my way to the police station

Do you have a paid job?

You're 22 - don't let this be your future, or that of your child, there is a much better one out there for you both.

Hold your head high, be strong, take pride in yourself, make the plans and get out!

Hope you get to enjoy tomorrow with other friends or family. 💐

It sounds like that because it IS like that.

You're allowed to see this for what it is and want better.

For you and for your DD.

You don't have to wait until someone is injured.

I wouldn't accept being treated like this.

OP do you have a relative you could go to stay with?

I would take your child ( and a few of their gifts) and go stay elsewhere for the night and tomorrow.
I would even prefer to go book into a hotel and have christmas there than with a man who treats me like this.

I'm in mt final year at uni training to be a primary teacher x.

I really would love a fresh start but I'm afraid of being a single mother with a baby to take care of :/

It would be too late by then. You are exposing your daughter to violence. You are giving her the same life you had

Dear Sarah, I can see you feel alone and that maybe this has all started so gradually that you don't see it is now serious. The kind of physical actions you are describing really are serious. They have no place in a loving safe relationship.

You need to call women's aid and get advice. There are options for you and if you left you have every chance of meeting someone else in future and making a happy family life for your dd. You aren't dooming yourself to a life alone.

Please make the cal.

I haven't read all the replies, but I find it highly worrying that he says he wouldn't let you leave or be with someone else (if you broke up I mean). He is treating you with a scary lack of respect, but he is also showing sign of possibly being abusive and that is way worse.

DO you have family nearby? Friends you could contact? Please, whatever problem you have, reach to someone for help.

Don't be afraid. Millions of us have done it and we're all fine.

Living with a man who smashes things up is much scarier than going it alone.

His temper is not going to go away, it will likely get worse.

Leaving him may seem harder than staying with him in the short term, but I promise you your life will be better - and a whole heap easier - without him in the longer term.

Putting his hands around your throat, as a PP says, is a massive red flag. Something like 2 women a week are killed by men in the UK, and many of the men were the kind to put their hands to a woman's throat. You are at serious risk here.

Please, at least talk to Women's Aid.

Please call Women's Aid: 0808 2000 247 24/7, freephone

They won't make you do anything so there's no need to be afraid, but they will let you know what you can do to make you and your baby safe.

Please, please, make this a present for your daughter this year. She deserves better

You're in a strong position with the house. You can get him out. You need to make splitting up a priority. You can change things so that your daughter does not grow up seeing her mother abused by a horrible bully.

You will have an excellent career to rely on if you leave him, you will have your lovely dd and every chance of meeting a stable loving partner.

Do you have a friend who can support you throughehat you need to do?

Will you please promise to call women's aid?

Sorry you're going through this OP.
I'm going to pick you up on your last post.

I understand how it sounds but if he ever lost his temper with my little one then I'd be straight out the door on my way to the police station

Are you saying that it's ok for him to lose his temper with you? Why is that ok? He sounds like he has propensity to be very violent and he's quite possessive and jealous. Cut your losses and run.

Agree with all the others; you're only 22, make your plans and get out.

I agree with all of the other replies - you absolutely need to get out now. On a positive note, how fantastic that you're in your final year of teacher training. You'll be able to give yourself and your daughter a future and support yourself without the need to rely on this loser.

It's taking the first step that is frightening. After that it all gets better and better.

You're doing a BEd? Is there much early years child development content? What does your reading tell you about the effect of early experiences and environment for a one year and then a two year old?

Sara Jane, I'm so sorry you and your little girl are in this situation. You seem lovely. Please don't minimise this. Please get out. Please, please. There is help, it can be done, you are not alone, there are systems in place to help you.
He is dangerous. Don't walk, run.
Please keep posting.

Please promise us you will call, Sarah.

Please get help to get rid of him. He is dangerous. Grabbing your throat is more worrisome than hitting you because he could kill you doing that, easily.

Circumstantially, it looks like he cheated last night. Being loudly anti-cheaters and accusing you in similar circumstances sounds like protesting too much and having it on his mind because it's what he would do. But you don't need proof of him cheating to end the relationship. He is violent and you are scared of him. You don't want to bring up your daughter in this environment, expecting her relationships to be like this. He grabs her mother's throat, therefore he is not a good father.

Please seek assistance from either a domestic violence charity or shelter, or directly from the police. Just leave if it is safe to do so whilst he is sleeping this off. Take your child, any essentials like documents etc and go. Get out of there, safely.

There are shelters for women in your situation, they will help you sort out the details.

You're obviously an intelligent woman with a good career ahead of you. Believe me, its much easier being a single parent than living with a violent offender. What would you want your dd to do if she was in your position in the future?