OH went out last night and came back at 9am this morning

[Sarahjane1994]

My OH went on a works do last night. He went out at 9pm yesterday and didn't come home till 9am this morning. I was whatsapping him from 6am asking where he was and he was reading the messages but not replying. He came home and has gone straight to bed. I had so much planned for today (we have a 1 year old and he has a 7 year old that I was taking care of all yesterday btw) and now he's sleeping off his hangover and won't speak to me. I opened his xmas present that I saved up for ages for and chucked it on the bed next to him and said 'merry christmas' but he didn't even look he just threw it on the floor.

His 7 year old has gone home now and my 1 year old is having a nap. I keep getting upset and I just know it's going to be the worst christmas ever.

I don't know how to react. It's not the first time he's done this. Ive gone mad at him before and it never works he still does it.
If I go out which is very rare he interrogates me about other men etc. I wouldn't dare stay out, he would literally be accusing me of all sorts now if I pulled a stunt like that.

What are your thoughts on this situation please?

Thanks and happy xmas eve x

Sarah I x posted with you. This sounds like a definite call to women's aid. He is being an awful partner to you and that could emotionally harm your lovely dd as you know.

I'd be getting rid!!! He clearly has absolutely no respect for you.
Is it an option to go to family for a couple of days or so?
He needs to know you mean business

Oh dear. What a massive mistake you have made having a baby with a loser like this

Don't compound it further by staying with a violent thug and exposing your child to an upbringing like this

Go to your parents with the baby and give him notice to leave your house. When he kicks off call the police every single time. Contact your landlord today and tell him/her your relationship is ended and he does not have your permission to reside there

You sound like a lovely mum. Have you got any rl support to help you do what you want to do in life going forward?

I can see why she wouldn't.

Please see that he's an unpleasant and dangerous man. When you say "physical" you mean "violent".

He has a temper and can get physical. He smashes the house to pieces

He's an abusive, violent thug and you need to leave him.

You are "putting your little girl through that". Right now. You are living in fear of a violent man.

Anti cheat who despises cheats? Ha. Doesn't stop him being a total arsehole though does it.

He has no respect for you.

You are so young and have your whole life ahead of you. This chapter doesn't define your future and you can decide what happens from here.

You must have been pretty young when you got together with him.

I would bet my house there is drugs and other women involved in these 12 hour benders

You are being made mug of, love. Don't be the "cool girlfriend"...men like this are worth fuck all.

Living with a loving caring mother in safety is a fantastic start in life for any child. Living with violence is not. You must protect your child.

Do you have friends or family you can go to?

You know what would be worse for your baby than coming from a 'broken home'?
Having to share a home with a horrible violent father.
Go to your family now and work to get him out of your house.

When I say physical he's never punched me or anything. It's more like grabbing me by the throat or pinning me down or grabbing my hair. It doesn't happen often. He is a good dad to our little one, she really loves him and he goes to work and everything. He has really improved his life since we got together but his temper is still there. I don't have much support from family and I don't really have any close friends. I only really have him and he knows it

Sarah men like that don't change.

He sounds vile, you and your DD deserve better.

No he is not a good dad.

What would you think if she grew up to have a partner who grabbed her by the throat, pinned her down, and grabbed her hair?

This is domestic violence - he will only get worse.

Call women's aid, you need help to rid yourself of this violent shit. Don't put yourself in danger. If its a HA property they can help you. Every time he threatens you or is violent call the police, hopefully he'll get sent back down. Prison is where he belongs, keep safe.

He went to prison for 3 months for breach of a restraining order or something with his ex but it was all because she wasn't allowing him to see his son

Oh good grief.

It wasn't because of anything his ex did. It was because HE is a violent thug.

Please leave. Now. Pack a bag and go. Tell him to leave. Phone the police every time he gets angry or refuses to go. Give his history they will take you seriously.

No third chances. Do not do this to your daughter.

When I say physical he's never punched me or anything. It's more like grabbing me by the throat or pinning me down or grabbing my hair. It doesn't happen often. He is a good dad to our little one,

Jesus wept.

You must leave this man. Grabs you by the throat?? That's a massive red flag. He could kill you. He could KILL you.

And he's a terrible father.

Grabbing you or pinning you down IS violent and abusive. And this will only get worse.
Loving a child and going to work are not big achievements that excuse abuse.

The harsh reality is that by living with him and your daughter you are allowing your child to be abused. If you don't keep her safe and that means not living with him then ss will have to remove her to safety.

Grabbing by the neck is an indicator that he will go on to kill you.

Sweetheart, he's not a good dad, he's not a good partner.

He is an abusive cunt.

You and your daughter deserve better. Call women's aid, they will give you advice on getting him out.

Call the police and ask to speak to the domestic violence team.

Putting hands on your throat is very dangerous, it takes a surprisingly small amount of pressure to do serious damage. Would you really want him raising your daughter alone?

OP, that is still violence and it's absolutely not acceptable. There's no guarantee he won't take it further against you or your LO.

Just because he goes to work that doesn't make him a good partner. The majority of able bodied partners do this.

Please raise your standards, think of yourself and your child and start thinking about getting away from this twat. You will be much happier I promise.

I second ringing the police if he threatens you or becomes violent. Him going to prison before doesn't bode well. I doubt it was just because his ex wouldn't let him see his DS.

You know you're making flimsy excuses for his temper and violence don't you?

Why are you choosing a violent home for your DD?