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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Post separation xmas survival thread?

236 replies

Bitlessbahhumbug · 23/12/2016 09:27

First Christmas separated, my ex is being very lovely (better than him being horrible I know) and every time I see him or talk to him to sort out dc presents etc I still go through doubts about having left. My brain is starting to function better and catches up fairly fast these days to remind me of the shit!

Therapy is helping with a lot.
I'm currently looking for motivational/pull yourself together/move on type things to read or listen to, to survive the holidays and not make any stupid decisions. Smile

Anyway, does anybody want a space to vent or just fill time on some of the lonelier days? I'm feeling quite good at the moment but I'm often up and down.

OP posts:
Barktheheralddogssing · 25/12/2016 02:25

Yes I'd feel I was letting him down if I didn't go tomorrow. I'm not sure about spending the day alone ... I've no friends I could call on unfortunately, they all live far away.

We've decided to see how we feel in the morning .. I told him I didn't feel well, which isn't a lie but more due to stress and excessive crying plus a lot of junk food and no proper food.

TheTapir · 25/12/2016 02:44

went to bed early and now awake in the early hours.

Keep telling myself it's just one more day to get through.

No plans for NYE, just another early night I think.

So sad that there are so many of us.

motheroreily · 25/12/2016 06:45

tapir yes today is just one more day

WynterBlossom · 25/12/2016 06:49

Counting down the days & hours until January....just want to finish this year.

faffalotty · 25/12/2016 07:11

Hello all. I'm normally on the bear hunt thread but will join you here, see some familiar names.

First Xmas for me. Got teenage DCS, they're with me today and him tomorrow. Had an awful nights sleep and dreading today. And tomorrow even more so.

Blosom8 · 25/12/2016 07:37

Hi all, this is my first xmas morning in 8 years with my ds. I've had some tough times but I realised that I had to try and enjoy my life as much as possible despite my circumstances. Christmas for me is now what my perspective of it is. I now use it as a time to relax and enjoy my space. I've been a single parent since my ds was born. I think society puts a lot of pressure on people to feel they have to make something out of an occasion. I hope you all get through the day, it will pass and life always gets better.

savouryandsweet · 25/12/2016 07:41

Morning all and merry Christmas Xmas Smile

STBXH is at my house...he came over when the kids woke at 6.30am and has spent an hour watching them open their presents that I chose, wrapped and paid for and taken half the credit as we decided to still give gifts from both of us.

Too early for Wine but I have Chocolate at least!

He's just announced that he is leaving mine at 8am. He's tired (hungover more like!) and going back to his house and back to bed Hmm

BankWadger · 25/12/2016 07:44

Separated from my husband a couple of months ago but still in the same house. Really struggling with today. I feel a melt down coming on and it won't be my children.

BankWadger · 25/12/2016 07:51

Savoury I'll be learning to use a drill too Grin

WynterBlossom · 25/12/2016 08:53

Thought I'd cope well today, however I'm currently sat in my room crying.

Going to the next tallest bridge and throwing myself off sounds really appealing right now.

peppatax · 25/12/2016 09:14

Morning all and wishing you a happy Christmas, even if it isn't so right now I hope there is some light in your day.

Wynter would it help to chat on here? I'm just mooching around too!

Original poster
Bitlessbahhumbug · 25/12/2016 09:22

Wynter I know that feeling and I promise you won't always feel so bad. Flowers it's not fair though and it's shit.

Have you ever called Samaritans? I have found that really helps me until the darker moments pass.

I also found emailing them helps. it takes them a long time to reply and sometimes the replies are short. But it was enough to give me something to hang around for.

And please talk here. Others understand. xx

Thinking of you all.

OP posts:
Shayelle · 25/12/2016 09:55

Hey Wynter hope youre not on your own this morning? If youre at familys do you get on ok with them? I know it must be hard but put the kettle on, sit in the lounge put the tv on? Flowers

Shayelle · 25/12/2016 09:56

New year resos for me. Move home as it is very hard having to live next door to ex Sad

Shayelle · 25/12/2016 09:57

Merry Christmas all. ChocolateWineStarXmas Smile

Shayelle · 25/12/2016 09:59

Love your new year resos, savoryandsweet!! Smile

Boundaries · 25/12/2016 10:55

Morning.

Happy random day of weird traditions to you all. My top 3 Christmas traditions that would make an alien go Hmm ifypu tried to explain them:

  1. We bring a tree (yes that's right, a tree) into the house and put sparkly shit all over it
  2. We buy 3 trolley loads of food because the shops are shut for a micro second.
  3. We heap enormous pressure on ourselves to ENJOY IT. Despite the fact many of us aren't even religious. And that it almost certainly wasn't actually the day Jesus was born even if all that stuff is true.

So yeah. Christmas shmistmas.

Breakfast, anyone? Grin

BillericayDuckie · 25/12/2016 11:08

Oh my god. Christmas on your own is hard.

Just dropped dc's off at their dad's - separated when they were young. Split from my ex partner of 3 years in August. He has new girlfriend and is taking her to New York for new year. Somewhere I wanted to go but ex partner didn't fancy going.

I thought I was doing ok but currently sitting in my bed sobbing as I just want him back. Shit time of year to be alone Sad.

Flowers Chocolate Wine for everyone else having a shit Christmas xx

Boundaries · 25/12/2016 11:10

Ok. Everyone having a shit time:

Right now, do something nice for yourself. I am putting pomegranate seeds on my breakfast meusli

Report back....

motheroreily · 25/12/2016 11:17

I just ate half a box of
Matchmakers. I Enjoyed it at the time now I feel sick!

peppatax · 25/12/2016 11:19

I'll start!! I'm lying on the sofa in my PJs, had ham and eggs for breakfast and whatsapping my family. XH has gone to church but when he's back, I will open the 'fuck it' bottle of prosecco and have a small glass as have just announced my pregnancy to friends to try and feel better about the prospect of being a single parent to two children with different fathers and forevermore complicated Christmas logistics!! Wine

Boundaries · 25/12/2016 11:21

Wooo! Matchmakers are a joy. What flavour, Mother?

peppa you totally deserve to give not one fuck. And congrats on pregnancy! Prosecco is good treat.

Aussiemum78 · 25/12/2016 11:24

First Christmas since separation.

No contact with Dd, no present (none for her birthday 6 months ago either). Dd doesn't know where he lives and we think he lives with new GF but don't really know. It's weird but we also had a good day.

In the lead up to last Christmas he threw me across the room by my neck. Then bought expensive perfume for me for Christmas. He's been an utter arse since I left but has everyone convinced I was at fault.

I feel like it will be behind me next year. Legal stuff is done. No contact. Dd wants no contact.

Aussiemum78 · 25/12/2016 11:26

Oh and it's night here. We had a great day

peppatax · 25/12/2016 11:26

He sounds awful Aussie - I bet you're breathing a sigh of relief now to be honest. You're right, roll on 2017 and a new year, new start Flowers