Husband has been arrested.

[user1482079084]

He wants me to go and visit him. Would you? The relationship is over. However, he is still the father to my children. It's to do with a 15 year old girl.

Your priority now is your DCs and their safety.

You need to demonstrate that you will put their safety first.

You have to think of him as a risk to your DCs until social services tell you otherwise.

I didnt know you could go visit in the cells at the station as I gather that's where he is held.

SS will be in touch because of the kids as they are minors and they will ask them if dad did anything too.

He won't be bailed at home so they may remand him till his trial date.

The law is a bit fuzzy here on contact as I know of one couple that the father is allowed no contact at all ( he's serving time for historical sex crimes against minors) but before jail he was bailed but could not stay in the home and had to get a flat of his own. If he wanted contact it had to be with SS in a contact centre. Others have said they can have access as long as the mother supervised it at all times.

Personally I'd avoid but find out from the SS and police what his actually charges are.

Protect your children first and fuck him he can rot.

This probley won't be the only girl he has been speaking to either op, so brace yourself for much worse information to come out.

Really sorry you and your children are going through this.

You say he has been arrested. At what stage is he at? Charged? Remand?

It's unlikely you can visit if he is being questioned or just been charged and waiting for his first appearance in court. Probably Monday.

There are a lot of assumptions about what he won't be allowed re contact. I know of a schedule one offender who was allowed and supported by his SW to go into a primary school and another post conviction who went back to his home where there was step dcs, one in primary school. Both of those men went on to reoffend.

forumdonkey, it is hard to work out how decisions are reached sometimes but it is awful if someone is given a second chance and reoffends. Well obviously it is awful if they offend at all but so stupid not to learn the lesson.

In this case the OP doesn't seem to know exactly what went on and we certainly don't, alot of people seem to be blaming the OP and trying to make her feel worse. This is why offenders wives and families get such a rough deal.

Based on the state of your relationship before this happened and what he's done, do you really think there's any chance he would tell you the truth? There isn't, so there's nothing to be gained from seeing him. You may want to hear his side of the story, but rationally, you know he's not going to give it to you, he's going to spin you a further pack of lies. That won't help you deal with any of this.

Speak to the police to find out what's going on. Ask SS for support in terms of what to do re keeping the children safe (they may suggest no contact) and how to break this to them (as has been said, they are going to ask some hard questions of your kids, so you will need to tell them more than perhaps you wanted to yourself, to prepare them for it).

And make sure you tell a trusted friend/family member in real life, because you are going to need some practical support when the story breaks and people start accusing you of knowing more than you do.

My heart goes out to you. You didn't know, you didn't do anything wrong. Remember that in the coming weeks, and do look after yourself.

op ignore the people having a go. I'm more than happy for you to private message me if you ever need someone to talk too.

Please don't go through this alone.

Op-hope you are ok.
Is there someone on rl who up I can confide in?

I wouldn't visit him.
Stop all contact and think only about yourself and dcs.

Oh lovey. So sorry for what you are going through. It's obviously such a distressing time for you and your boys you've come here for some hand holding.
I personally would not go and see him. He's got himself in this situation he needs to deal with it.
Stay strong lovely

If you do, go visit him you have lost the plot entirely.

You don't sound love or you're minimising.

I wouldn't go. There might be practical issues he wants to sort out and maybe you could indicate you'd be happy to communicate via lawyers or in writing about those things?

like you're minimising^

OP do google the organisations that support offenders families. They will be able to give you advice based on facts and experience and that is what you need. No one on here knows what is happening and therefore their advice isn't really any use, speak to someone who can give you some real support.

Op. I am very sorry that you're in this situation. I think previous posters, myself included, have just wanted to be absolutely clear on this. It sounds like this man is trying to play you so that he can get into what he thinks is a stronger position.
I hope you and your boys are ok. Please speak to an offender's family charity and or speak to a lawyer. Any discussion about practicalities should be through a representative, preferably a legal representative.

I see no evidence of the op minimising or excusing anything at all. If this is the guilt-by-association bollocks out there it's going to be difficult.

Can you ring the custody sergeant and get more details about what he's been charged with? I wouldn't rush to go and see him.

This is horrible

Grannytomine, we only know what OP has posted and by her DHs admition it's CSE, which comes across as he's minimising to OP. I for one didn't want to come across as having a go but I also can't sit back and read posts which seem to 'explain' why he did what he's admitted to or seem minimise it. I don't want OP to be convinced by him that what he's done is 'nothing'.

The phrase she used was "nothing happened" rfering to the meet up. I think it's obvious what she meant by that and that she's relying on what she's been told by someone (him or police).

Nevertheless she sounds horrified and has immediately terminated the marriage.

So she does appreciate the seriousness and her reaction is entirely appropriate.

Give the woman a break.

To be honest, in your shoes I would go and see him.

I would like to hear his side of the story.

Also, he's not yet proven guilt

I'd want him to tell me what it is all about.

If it's lies and minimising, that would also help my decision making. But I'd have to go and talk.

Ruby that is terrible advice. If you responsible for children going to visit a suspected paedophile is a really bad idea.

I'm sure she wouldn't get into a legal/CP difficulties for a one-off, FINAL visit to get internet banking passwords, discuss divorce and establish where the stopcock key is, IF that's what she chose to do.

But written communication might be better.

well you might be right Manumission.....but I am not so sure. It would only take one over zealous SW and OP could be up shit creek.

Ruby by his own admission he's admitted CSE.