Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband has been arrested.

182 replies

user1482079084 · 18/12/2016 16:56

He wants me to go and visit him. Would you? The relationship is over. However, he is still the father to my children. It's to do with a 15 year old girl.

OP posts:
inlectorecumbit · 18/12/2016 17:11

Nope l would stay well clear for now. The intention was there- even if nothing happened.
How was your relationship before this? Was he living with you and the DC'S.

Flowers
Arfarfanarf · 18/12/2016 17:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
user1482079084 · 18/12/2016 17:12

Yes, he was living here. We hadn't been intimate for ages though.

OP posts:
HollyBollyBooBoo · 18/12/2016 17:13

What an absolute nightmare.

Personally I wouldn't see him. I imagine he will lie through his teeth to try and convince you nothing has happened.

I'd concentrate on you and your children. Without wanting to create drama life could get quite tricky for them and you if your H is named in the press etc.

Do you need to concentrate on practical stuff like can you stay in your house without him (I mean financially can you afford it etc).

Fairenuff · 18/12/2016 17:13

Is he being held in custody?

VintagePerfumista · 18/12/2016 17:13

When did all this happen?

Do you live together?

Haven't the police been to take all your computers?

15 is a wee bit older than his own children. That sobering thought should be enough to dispell any doubts you may have.

BratFarrarsPony · 18/12/2016 17:14

honestly OP dont go near him, you don't want SS round do you?

gamerchick · 18/12/2016 17:14

No you cant show any kind of support to him ever. Word will get out and if you're seen to be supporting him your lives will be hell.

You have your kids to think about.

I'm sorry Flowers

PacificDogwod · 18/12/2016 17:15

Can you speak to his lawyer?

I hope you have RL support.

ohfourfoxache · 18/12/2016 17:17

If it will do YOU good to see him then go for it.

If not, fuck it. You don't owe this bastard anything.

BdumBdummer · 18/12/2016 17:18

No contact no nothing. He has been arrested for grooming a child. Do you want to be a part of that or distance yourself from it. You have children. Think about it again.

Patriciathestripper1 · 18/12/2016 17:18

Run a mile. He is a suspected pedophile that's been arrested for grooming a child that he had met up with, taken out and done god knows what to.
And he wouldn't Be seeing any of his children anytime soon.

SheSparkles · 18/12/2016 17:18

He wants you to visit so he can get his side of the story over. Please don't go, social services will have you very much on their radar, and you have to be able to show them that you're doing all you can to protect the children-this includes seeing him, whether or not you're alone when you do.
Sorry you're having to go through this

January87 · 18/12/2016 17:19

Personally, I wouldn't visit but nobody else can tell you what to do but yourself.

Starlight2345 · 18/12/2016 17:19

I am not sure I would have much to say assuming he is been held till trial .. I would however want to go to court to find out facts for children

RebelRogue · 18/12/2016 17:19

Taking the age of the girl out of the account,he's a cheat. Add the age in and he's a sexual predator. Even if nothing happened he was grooming her and that is an offence. Why would you want to see him,or be(and your kids) associated with him ?

queenofthebucket · 18/12/2016 17:20

DONT go and see him, protect your DCs
am I right you are separated not divorced and living in the same house? if so I would be expecting SS to be involved with your dcs.
What a nightmare Flowers

BdumBdummer · 18/12/2016 17:20

He is now grooming you to play down what he has done. That's how these sort of people operate. I have seen it happen. You're just an attempt at mitigation to him.

StealthPolarBear · 18/12/2016 17:21

Op do you have support? Either family and friends or where i am there is a charity. Is there anything like that?

AnnieAnoniMouse · 18/12/2016 17:21

I would need to see him for my sake and our children's - not his.

He's either been having what he thought of as a 'relationship' of some kind (if he didn't know her age) outside of the marriage or has been grooming a teenager - either would be a deal breaker for me - and you say your marriage is definitely over. I'd want to see his face and hear as much about what has happened as he would tell me. In most cases that will only be as much as he thinks you already know and as little as he possibly can. But I'd need to look him in the eye.

As hard as it would be, I'd tell my children the truth, in an age appropriate way. Children know when they're being lied to or fobbed off - they need to be able to trust you and you do not wanting them hearing about it at school with no prior knowledge or ways of responding.

Even if he knew she was 15, I wouldn't stop him seeing your children. There's a huge difference between chatting up a 15 year old and sexually abusing younger children.

I'm sorry you're going through this 💐

Patriciathestripper1 · 18/12/2016 17:21

If brace myself for SS coming round, and the police.

Original poster
user1482079084 · 18/12/2016 17:21

Oh but what do I say to the boys?

OP posts:
BoomBoomsCousin · 18/12/2016 17:21

If the relationship is over because of this arrest (or at least, because of his actions that lead to this arrest) rather than it having been over for a while and all the logistics sorted out, then I'd be incline to visit to sort things out - where to send his stuff, what to tell the kids, etc.

Given the nature of his offense, I probably wouldn't be interested in going to support him though.

Oldraver · 18/12/2016 17:22

I wouldn't be going to see him. He's been arrested so I would bet its worse that he is making out.

You need to start thinking about protecting your children now, especially as I assume there is an underage sexual element to this (only way I can think to describe it)

VintagePerfumista · 18/12/2016 17:22

I think SS will be around pdq given that he has been living in the same house with other children.

Are they boys or girls?

If you do go, be prepared for the old "he didn't know how old she was, she came across much older, she lied, she was a floozy" etc etc.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread