Husband has been arrested.

[user1482079084]

He wants me to go and visit him. Would you? The relationship is over. However, he is still the father to my children. It's to do with a 15 year old girl.

You tell them their father has been arrested on suspicion of doing something bad.

They aren't babies.

Keep it factual and brief.

What have social services advised? I would expect them to speaking to both your DC to establish whether he has abused them, tbh, and would probably expect them to be on the At Risk register.

The very little info you are giving is not making sense...

They're boys.

OP... What's the timeline for this? It's confusing because you say that your husband wants you to visit him 'in prison' presumably, but the title of your thread says that he's 'been arrested'. Surely you would have posted, 'Husband wants me to visit him in prison' or something like that?

If he has JUST been arrested then why do your children already know about it? That he has made a mistake?

If your relationship is over because of the 15 year old, why are you going to see him?

I never said 'in prison'? Anyway, sorry... It's just hard to explain everything on here.

I wouldn't visit him and I'd make sure he knows he will no longer have contact with the dc too.

What exactly has he been charged with? Grooming, sexually explicit messages to a minor?

Please don't be scared of SS involvement - they will get notified and that is how it should be.
You need to do what you need to do - and if that includes seeing him it will NOT be somehow counted against you.

Has he been charged with anything yet?

Where is he?

Why would you go if the relationship is over? Has he been arrested or tried and found guilty?

If you're not together then no, I wouldn't go and see him. How old are the DC? Do you need to tell them anything at the moment apart from 'No, dad isn't here - he's gone away for a bit'.

Personally I agree with the PP who said they'd visit from a practical perspective. Ask him what he wants you to do with his stuff, tell him what is going to happen regarding the children and future contact (after you've spoken to ss) then leave it at that.

So sorry you're going through this.

I would be going nowhere near him under those circumstances.

I am very ropey with legal terms, but my understanding is that there is a difference between 'being held', formally 'arrested' and then 'charged', isn't there?
Does he accept whatever he has been accused of?

Is the relationship over because of this or were you definitely over before?

I guess you have to see him again. To sort things out.

And I think talking to somebody professional about how to best tell your sons is the best.

15 is so young. It is in many countries above the age of consent and just a year below it here... but it's just so so young. It's awful (sorry, I'm not helping at all, probably).

They didn't have sexual relations, you said. So, what it does come down to I guess is whether he knew her age during their internet 'thing'?
Do you have support, Op? This is messed up. You do not owe him anything. You have to take care of yourself and DSs.

Good luck

Why is it hard to explain? you posted asking for advice, people have told you that it will reflect badly on you if you do go and visit him. You need to ask yourself if seeing him would be worth it? who stands to benefit from you seeing him?

Personally i wouldnt want to be within 10 feet of him ever again! the police obviously have enough evidence to arrest him! if you haven't asking him what he has been charged with already, then you need to!

Is he in police cells? No, I wouldn't go and visit him.

You should have a family liaison officer (isn't that right with police arrests?) they can advise you on what to tell your boys.

At this point, if they ask, I think you have to say the police need to ask their dad questions as they are investigating a crime. Shield them without lying to them, until you can have some help explaining it in an age appropriate way.

Don't go, for the sake of your DC if nothing else. Your priority has to be them and you need to show everyone that their safety and wellbeing comes before your H's wish for control.

I would imagine that the main reason he wants to see you is so that he can persuade you of his side of the story before you hear the facts from anyone else.

Is there any possibility your own DC's friends could have been harmed by him? My first boyfriend's DF, who I really disliked and avoided as much as possible at the time, was imprisoned for grooming underage girls, I only found out years later when it was in the papers. Turns out a couple of our friends were involved , and my BF's younger sister's friends. All the more reason for distancing yourself as much as possible. As for what to say to the DC - speak to the police, ask if they have any counsellors who can advise on what best to say at this stage. They may well need to speak to your DC at some point to try to establish whether your H had any regular access to other young girls.

for you, hope you have support and someone in RL you can trust and tell.

Your boys are old enough to be told that he has been arrested, that he has been accused of doing something very wrong, that you are unsure about details (if that is the case). I would also tell them that your relationship is over - be honest, but age appropriate with them.
If you don't know yet what is going to happen to your H, then say just that. 'I don't know' is a perfectly honest and acceptable answer to the question 'What has dad done?'.

Basically he's tried grooming a 15year old a child who is only 3years older then your eldest.😷 If anything about you would won't entertain this man.

So the police came and took his computer/devices?

Do not get involved apart from sorting out where to deliver his stuff. Whether he was 'silly', 'naive' 'predatory' or whatever, he will be put on the sex offenders register and will have to inform the police of his address on an ongoing basis. Get rid.

Don't call it "a mistake" when speaking to his sons: that is completely the wrong message to give to boys who are going to be growing into men themselves within the next few years, and who will sooner or later find out what he has done. Say that he is suspected of a crime, but don't go into details. That is enough for now but doesn't give the future message that criminal offences of a sexual nature are some kind of mistake that anyone could fall into by accident.

Don't go, I suspect he might use it to manipulat e him.It really won't be of any use or benefit to you.

The priory now is your children.I might wait to speak to school and the talk to the children.
Can you find out what is likely to happen to him? Will he be released? What about his job?

I think you need practical help as well as support.

Hmmm. I had a friend whose husband was 'arrested' in similar circumstances. 1st she knew was when they arrived at the house to search it and remove all IT equipment. They didn't tell her so that nothing could be destroyed.

It's likely he's been arrested over the weekend, and is being held until the first available court sitting-which will be Monday. If he pleads not guilty at court, he's likely to be released on bail with specific conditions (possibly not to access internet or have unsupervised contact with under 16s), with a trial date set. If he pleads guilty it's likely to be the same release conditions, but pending sentencing. It's unlikely he'll be remanded