Support thread for those of us having to 'co-parent' with a narc or very difficult exh thread 4

[Lilacpink40]

Hi all

If the mediator didn't feel impartial to you then I'd go with a new one.

Oh and in WN news - after ex expressly forbid all treatment for DD at the child psychiatric clinic, I called the clinic and told them and the doctor said not to worry, they would sort things out so that DD can have treatment regardless of what ex says breathes a sigh of relief they'll be sending me a letter soon for her next appointment.

I'd try a new meadiator to.

Nats that's good news regarding your dd's treatment. What's the documentary called I'd like to see if I can find it and watch it

Its not viewable outside of Finland unfortunately but they're working on an international version.

Hi homely
I went to mediation and was shocked by how much the (female) mediator appeared to be on WN side and fall for his BS and sobbing (purleeease).
Only on the second and final visit, and then only in the last half hr did I realise that she was BRILLIANT and able to give him enough rope to hang himself.
I see now that to even get WN to stay in room as part of process, never mind to agree or discuss issues, she had to appear TO HIM that she wasn't on my side.
She clearly was in this case .

It might be same for yours?

Thank you all.

Teabay, interesting! I need to think about that one... not sure. Who did you use? I'd be grateful if you could let me know.

Teabay, do you have children? May I ask age and how much contact please?

Natsku what a relief the treatment. Shocks me as to how irresponsible exs can be!!!

homely
If you PM me I can give you more details?

In my mediation I was told how it was confidential and couldn't be used in court.
If this is true, does it matter if it's a different mediator?
And if you've been to mediation at least once, do you HAVE to go again?
Could you phone your old one and just ask them, or ask them to just sign the form!!?

It's just to discuss a few points

I'll pm you now... thank you!

Teabay the mediation agreement for court lasts for three or four months. But you can get them to just sign for court if ex is abusive i think.

Oh so you have to remediate before a court accepts you if you last mediated a while ago?

If your mediation session for court proceedings was over 4 months ago, would XP have to arrange more mediation?

Yes to both I believe

I don't know much about mediation, but this sites looks useful, sounds like mediation is a starting point to help before court:
www.familymediationcouncil.org.uk/family-mediation/assessment-meeting-miam/

Fab! 😊 X

Ex messaged me on Skype last night saying we need to talk... Wonder what he wants to accuse me of now

Oh god Natsku

He's not going to like it when he finds out that his refusal of consent doesn't mean anything legally right now, maybe he found that out already and that's what he wants to "talk" about.

In other news the (Finnish) President came to town yesterday and I managed to talk to him and ask if there was anything that can be done to help my brother. He said that unfortunately Finland doesn't have jurisdiction but I asked him that at least could something be said officially. Fingers crossed that happens.

Nat my first thought is try having a paper and pen and jot down what he says, then check that you've written it down correctly. I bet you can guess the next bit...thank him for his time and end the call. Then enjoy ripping the rubbish up and cotinuing with your day.

Can you record it too incase it's completely crazy as it may be useful to have a record later?
Or email what he said to you back to him to say that is what you heard does he have other comments and you'll capture it too then rip it up and let it go .

Good ideas Lilac I record all phone calls but lately he's been calling on Skype instead which I can't record (at least I haven't figured out a way of doing it yet)

You could use a voice recorder on mobile phone - put it next to it?

Ok

Nats Is he video calling via Skype? You could always just record the conversation on your phone, even as a video just hold it next to the computer? Sorry to hear he is giving you trouble again.

I hope you are all doing okay and not having too much grief from these 'men'

I've been so angry since we seperated that it's only this week I've started to feel sad about it, I get moments where I hear a song or drive through a place and get tearful, or something funny/upsetting happens and I almost text him then remember that I can't. Still getting nowhere fast with him supporting the DC, it's always next week/month I'll have some to give you blah blah. Makes me so cross bringing two DC into the world then skipping off without a care in the world, he is still blaming me and says I 'chose' this path.. So frustrating that he can't seperate in his head that our relationship breakdown and his commitments to the children are two seperate issues.

I can't record it on my phone as the skype is on my phone (don't have camera or microphone for the computer) but can voice record on my 'spare' Nokia.