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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Hoe do I take what has just been ssid to me?

156 replies

Holly90 · 12/12/2016 21:31

Long story short myself and DP having a row, (he suffers with anger issues at times) he turns around and calls me a 'creature' doesn't care about me anymore, go and shag someone else for all he cared. May I add he has said hurtful things in the past, gets to a boiling point, simmers down and then apologies, he also suffers with mental health issues, now I'm not making excuses believe me, I fully believe whatever comes out of anybody's mouth is completely there responsibly. I don't talk hurtful to anybody, I don't have an evil bone in my body.
I'm distraught

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 12/12/2016 21:39

Oh that's not good, what is the context please, what was the row about?

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 12/12/2016 21:42

How long have you been together?
Do you have children together?
Do you have a mortgage together?
Why do you think this is a relationship you want to be in?

Original poster

Holly90 · 12/12/2016 21:53

The row was about something minor that bothered me though, I told him not to something to do the dog (earlier on in the relationship) because she didn't like it (something to do with her waterproof coat) he did it tonight, it bothered me (a lot). He winds the dog up daily (she is a very timid dog and has suffered trauma with her previous owner) and it makes her snap etc, he finds it funny though, I've told him a million times to stop doing it as its inflicting fear to her, making him laugh, I see it as bullying! So when I found out he had put the waterproof straps round under her legs (which she hates, makes her waddle) I was furious! I thought it was some sick joke to make him laugh! So the argument stemmed from that...
Been together just under a year, no children, renting together. To be honest in unsure at the moment. He has just come in the room (pretty sure he has had 2 cans) and said "I meant every word of that" today we was kissing cuddling, everything was fine, now all of a sudden he doesn't give a shit 😟

OP posts:

HeyRoly · 12/12/2016 21:55

You've been together less than a year? Run.

He's abusing the dog and he's verbally abusing you. Cut your losses now.

Cricrichan · 12/12/2016 21:55

What kind of idiot teases/scares/annoys a dog that's been traumatised? And then lays into you for defending her?

MinesAGin · 12/12/2016 21:55

You don't have to stay with him, you know. He sounds horrible, really. You're living with him, but you can leave.

Where would you go to if you did go? Do you have family or friends?

LineyReborn · 12/12/2016 21:55

Do you mean you have known him for under a year, and he is living with you now (and your rescue dog)?

FilledSoda · 12/12/2016 21:57

I'd hate him for being bad to the dog

CashelGirl · 12/12/2016 21:58

He doesn't "suffer with anger issues at times", he is someone who can't (or won't) exercise self control and regulation of his temper. He is teasing the dog, which isn't a particularly attractive quality in anyone, and when his poor behaviour has been pointed out to him he has turned it on you. these would be two very big deal breakers for me, and I would hope red flags to you. I am sorry he is being an arse to you and your dog. You both deserve better.

Ceramicglass · 12/12/2016 22:00

I would ditch him just for being so fucking cruel to the dog. Why are you tolerating this awful behaviour?

MummyStep123 · 12/12/2016 22:02

Sounds like an arsehole

Original poster

Holly90 · 12/12/2016 22:02

Thank you all for helping me see some sense, hard to see when your actually in it... we was at the park and I asked him why he done it 3 times, I admit I was pressing him for an answer because I was scared he had done it for laughs, completely ignored what I had said, apparently he "forgot" he suffers with mental health issues and now I'm the bad guy for mentally pressuring him for an answer "nagging a person with mental health issues is cruel" I was pressing him because I wanted to know fully why he had done it...
Yes exactly I was defending my furbaby!
I have an amazing support network around me (family) and I'd miss him to the ends of the earth if we was to separate (I don't say that lightly) but I'd be ok :)
Yes lineyreborn

OP posts:

KindDogsTail · 12/12/2016 22:03

He winds the dog up daily (she is a very timid dog and has suffered trauma with her previous owner) and it makes her snap etc, he finds it funny though, I've told him a million times to stop doing it as its inflicting fear to her, making him laugh, I see it as bullying!

Please do not stay with him.You must get out before it is more difficult.
This man is no good for anyone and certainly not good enough for you.

Forget any kisses and cuddles, that is meaningless in light of what you have said.

Ceramicglass · 12/12/2016 22:03

So whatcha gonna do

WhatsGoingOnEh · 12/12/2016 22:04

This reads like a Liz Jones article.

tribpot · 12/12/2016 22:04

He winds up a rescue dog, makes her snap, thinks it's funny.

The mistreatment of an animal that you are responsible for is reason enough to tell him to fuck off permanently.

Original poster

Holly90 · 12/12/2016 22:04

I'm tolerating it because I love him and I'm scared for him to leave if I'm brutally honest with myself :(
He's an amazing man but I just don't like some behaviours

OP posts:

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 12/12/2016 22:05

Dump him. He's a loser and cruel to animals.

Original poster

Holly90 · 12/12/2016 22:06

But then loves the dog to bits at the same time? He lays with her and calls her his little princess.... my heads mashed

OP posts:

tribpot · 12/12/2016 22:07

If you want to stay and put up with this, get your dog to a place of safety. She's already been tormented in one home, she doesn't have a choice about putting up with it in another. You do.

KindDogsTail · 12/12/2016 22:08

I had said, apparently he "forgot" he suffers with mental health issues and now I'm the bad guy for mentally pressuring him for an answer "nagging a person with mental health issues is cruel"

Please don't get confused by that. That is manipulation on his part. That is abuse too - a form of passive aggression and 'gaslighting', tricking you into thinking you have done something wrong.

So what if he has mental health issues, so probably do many horrific people.
You don't have to be the one to look after him and it would be a bottomless pit anyway- nothing you could ever do would make him better.

mumgointhroughtorture · 12/12/2016 22:08

If hes like this with a dog imagine him with a child ?
Get out before it gets harder to leave . If he doesn't care after a year he probably never will. Good Luck .

Ceramicglass · 12/12/2016 22:08

In short, he's cruel to your dog, he's verbally abusive to you but you love him and he calls your dog a princess. Great.

Original poster

Holly90 · 12/12/2016 22:09

If he leaves, I'm letting him. I just don't have the strength to do it... I'm weak in that department, always have been. But once there gone, I learn to live without them.

OP posts:

CondensedMilkSarnies · 12/12/2016 22:10

Hasn't it been proven that people (normally children I know but still ..) that are cruel to animals go on to be cruel to people ? This twat seems to prove this theory.

Don't ever have children with him .

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