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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Hoe do I take what has just been ssid to me?

156 replies

Holly90 · 12/12/2016 21:31

Long story short myself and DP having a row, (he suffers with anger issues at times) he turns around and calls me a 'creature' doesn't care about me anymore, go and shag someone else for all he cared. May I add he has said hurtful things in the past, gets to a boiling point, simmers down and then apologies, he also suffers with mental health issues, now I'm not making excuses believe me, I fully believe whatever comes out of anybody's mouth is completely there responsibly. I don't talk hurtful to anybody, I don't have an evil bone in my body.
I'm distraught

OP posts:
PaulDacresConscience · 12/12/2016 22:28

Good. Pack a bag, get the dog on the lead and go to your Mum.

Original poster
Holly90 · 12/12/2016 22:29

It's my house 😂
Yeah I've been fucking blind haven't I, I feel like a twat!
He's out tomorrow 👏

OP posts:
HorridHenryrule · 12/12/2016 22:30

Is he getting help he cant always use his issues against you. You are not his doctor.

Original poster
Holly90 · 12/12/2016 22:30

THANK YOU TO EVERY SINGLE PERSON that took the time to comment

OP posts:
Original poster
Holly90 · 12/12/2016 22:31

Horridhenryrule, I've tried to be! My own fault 😟

OP posts:
user1477282676 · 12/12/2016 22:31

He's NOT an amazing man he's an arsehole who bullies vulnerable creatures.

Why waste time? I mean you'd not stay with someone like this and have CHILDREN would you?

Would he call them "princess" and the next breath bully them?

Probably.

Get shut. Protect your dog. Staying with someone like this...when your dog is at risk, is disgusting frankly.

PaulDacresConscience · 12/12/2016 22:31

It's your house?

Kick the fucker out then. Let him find a friend's sofa to stay on and he can do his weepy act on someone else's upholstery.

TrippyMcTrapFace · 12/12/2016 22:31

He's a cunt to your dog. People who are cunts to animals are exactly that - cunts.
Fuck him off immediately or at least do the decent thing by your dog and get her to somewhere safe, where she'll be loved.

user1477282676 · 12/12/2016 22:32

X post. I see you've seen the light! Thank fuck for that. I HATE dicks who pick on animals. They're often the same people who are cruel to children.

Pollyanna9 · 12/12/2016 22:32

Holly

I wasted 5 YEARS with a man with MH issues (mostly PTSD) and he 'wanted to change'. But it was one event after another after another.

Please, don't you waste precious years of your life with him.

If he's genuine about seeking help he can do it just as well on his own - with you, and your lovely doggie - at a safely remote distance from him.

Don't go back to meet him at the house at all, go to your safe location and stay there and take time to think things through and do NOT give it a few weeks and go back.

Give it at least six months and if you see some incredibly changed person then you could have possibilities but to be honest? Really honest?

I don't believe he will change. But whilst you're finding that out you will both be safe and you can observe from a safe place whether he's genuinely making progress or not.

Ginkypig · 12/12/2016 22:33

he won't let you wow I'm shocked I really am!

Replace dog with child would you stay with him then? (It's just as bad imo as it shows his cruelty to things weaker than him)

You must step back and look at the situation with clear eyes without your emotion for him.
Try to imagine your best friend or loved family member in this relationship how would you feel? Would you be happy for them? If not then you deserve better too!

Atenco · 12/12/2016 22:34

It is going to be harder to leave, the longer you stay. And yes, if you won't leave him, at least rehome the dog.

BeccaAnn · 12/12/2016 22:34

get the F out of there and fast, he is abusive on an emotional level with you and a physical one with your dog.
you can tell a lot about a person by how they treat those more vulnerable than themselves.

it sucks to hear, and at this time of year probably more so, do you have a friend who can look after the dog for a couple of days? it might be worth it.

and he wont leave, he knows your weak about that sort of thing and he will manipulate it.
sorry its happening to you. x

Ceramicglass · 12/12/2016 22:35

No you haven't been blind. You have watched it all with open eyes and let it carry on for a year. You have allowed yourself and a poor vulnerable animal who can't speak be subject to cruelty by someone you claim to love. How you could love someone like that is beyond me. You are as cruel as your boyfriend. Good luck in your decision & do the dog the only act of kindness you can rehome it if you so wishes to carry on with your boyfriend. Namaste 🙏

MudCity · 12/12/2016 22:37

Don't stay with this poor excuse of a human being. And don't let your poor dog stay with him either.

Anyone who is cruel to an animal has serious problems. Standing back and watching it happen, however, also implicates you. You can't condone this,

Leave. Take the dog with you. Or if you don't leave, make sure the dog is safe. You have a choice whether to stay or go. Your dog doesn't.

CozumelFox · 12/12/2016 22:37

Men who torture animals in front of you are threatening you that they will do the same to you.

Which he also made quite clear with what he said to you.

He's violent, animal abusing scum. Get out as fast as you can.

Original poster
Holly90 · 12/12/2016 22:37

Because I defended her tonight he said "I want nothing to do with her anymore" errrrr.... ok
Yeah I have said to him it worries me and he said children would be different... (apparently)

Pollyanna9 it is PTSD (some combat related some child hood abuse related) your post has inspired me THANK YOU!
I have actually gained depression from this relationship which he doesn't seem to give a shit about.

OP posts:
Nirvanababy · 12/12/2016 22:37

This guy (will not call him a man) has no respect for you or the dog, or your wishes regarding your dog . If he does this to an animal, what makes you think in a few years time, when his guard is down, or he's had one too many drinks, he won't start bullying you.
You sound like a lovely lady, but there is a definite self esteem issue. You are worth more than slime like this.

You've already admitted he has anger issues and you're scared to leave him. Why do you think that you and this dog deserve to be treated so appallingly? I have a feeling if you don't leave soon, either you or the dog will be hurt.
Do you have family or friends to take you in for a while? You and the dog.

TheProblemOfSusan · 12/12/2016 22:38

I was about to post asking these questions: do you love him? Or do you love the idea of him that he showed you at first? And I was going to say: trust what he's showing you now with his behaviour. He is, as my grandma would say, a wrong 'un. LTB.

But cheerfully it looks like you're already on your way. Stay strong and dump the twunt. Good luck.

MudCity · 12/12/2016 22:39

Just read your recent posts. Good for you. Get rid. Both you and your dog can do miles better than this!

Good luck.

Nirvanababy · 12/12/2016 22:40

Woops! X posted with loads!!

BTW, I have PTSD, and know a lot of ex service men and women with PTSD, and I'm sure none of them would use this as an excuse to abuse animals

Topseyt · 12/12/2016 22:43

Amazing men are not cruel to rescue dogs and do not try to prevent their partner from talking to her own mother.

You adopted a rescue dog and you have a duty to provide her with a good home. A sanctuary. You will probably have signed an agreement about that. You can't honor that agreement while he is around.

You have a straightforward choice here. Your lovely rescue dog or your cruel twat if a DP. I know which I would choose.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 12/12/2016 22:44

This man is scum. He's cruel both to you and the dog, he's controlling and he's a bully. What are you waiting for?

EmeraldIsle100 · 12/12/2016 22:44

He is using his mental health issues to get away with treating you and your dog badly. You asked him a perfectly reasonable question about the way he treats your dog and he ignores you and gets on your case saying that you are being unkind to a mentally ill person. He very deftly swerved your original question and stopped any further questioning by calling you abusive.

He will do this all the time, it won't just be about the dog. You won't be able to call him on any behaviour because will accuse you of being mean to him because he is mentally ill.

I have family members who are mentally ill and they are kind loving people who don't take their problems out on me or the dog, ever!

I know life can be lonely on your own but you sound like a nice person with a lot going for you. Get yourself out and about and meet nice people, e.g. other dog lovers, who knows but you definitely deserve a nicer person than him.

Original poster
Holly90 · 12/12/2016 22:45

Your all 100% right! Again as much as it hurts me to read your all right.
Yeah the nice guy I saw at the start, the nice guy that wakes me up with a brew every morning, the nice guy he CAN be is what I love, I'm deluding myself with these thoughts. Self esteem issues? Absolutely right.
He has tried to bully me and when I say wow that's wrong apparently I'm 'challenging' his insecurities

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