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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Hoe do I take what has just been ssid to me?

156 replies

Holly90 · 12/12/2016 21:31

Long story short myself and DP having a row, (he suffers with anger issues at times) he turns around and calls me a 'creature' doesn't care about me anymore, go and shag someone else for all he cared. May I add he has said hurtful things in the past, gets to a boiling point, simmers down and then apologies, he also suffers with mental health issues, now I'm not making excuses believe me, I fully believe whatever comes out of anybody's mouth is completely there responsibly. I don't talk hurtful to anybody, I don't have an evil bone in my body.
I'm distraught

OP posts:

ChuckGravestones · 12/12/2016 22:12

Why are you letting him call all the shots? Stick up for your dog and bin this abusive twat.

Original poster

Holly90 · 12/12/2016 22:13

CondensedMilkSarnies that was exactly my thinking in the whole pressing him for an answer!
Ladies thank you all for your responses, your all helping me see what I've been failing too.
He has controlled me in the past and suffers with serious insecurities (which he has admitted to) he is on the waiting list for counseling.

OP posts:

AlistairSim · 12/12/2016 22:14

If you want to stay with him, that's your choice but you need to have your dog re-homed because he is cruel and abusive to her.

Original poster

Holly90 · 12/12/2016 22:14

Chuckgravestones... am I?

OP posts:

CondensedMilkSarnies · 12/12/2016 22:14

What were you hoping to get from posting Op ? Genuine question .

Maybe you were just offloading , which is fine ,obviously but this situation won't change unless you change.

KindDogsTail · 12/12/2016 22:15

There is something people on Mummsnet mention a lot called the Freedom Programme you could do on-line.
www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

Even if you do not have the strength to leave him at least you could be extra aware of what he is like and set some boundaries for yourself.

For people on the outside, reading what you wrote, this man has been giving you red waring flags!

Abusing then kissing, sets up an addictive reaction..... there is always that feeling that maybe there will be more kissing if you just hang on in there. Really, just don't hang on.

Original poster

Holly90 · 12/12/2016 22:16

What was I hoping? You know I really don't know... I'm not allowed to talk to my mum about our arguments because he says he won't be able to look her in the eye again so I had no one else to talk to... seriously though you have all opened my eyes.

OP posts:

CondensedMilkSarnies · 12/12/2016 22:18

Christ , he won't let you talk to your mum ??? That is classic abuser.

PatriciaHolm · 12/12/2016 22:18

He sounds worse with every post.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 12/12/2016 22:19

He's cruel to the dog. This does not bode well for any future children. Calling you a 'creature' is saying you are less than human. Please run. Run like the wind from this Grade One Arsehole.

hitMeWithYourBestShot · 12/12/2016 22:20

Everything he is doing to your dog he is doing to you.

You are the dog OP.

I'm sorry for being so blunt but that's what he is doing. Treating you the exact same way he does the dog.

Ballstowinplease · 12/12/2016 22:21

Christ , he won't let you talk to your mum ??? That is classic abuser.

This. GET OUT. You can do better.

Original poster

Holly90 · 12/12/2016 22:22

I knew he was controlling, I've looked him in the eyes before and told him he is emotionally abusing me! But because he WANTS to change, he knows where it all stems from I have hung on in there with him, I'm not stupid, I know every manipulation, emotional blackmail tool there is, I have a strong head to some degree, some people are willing to help another person help themselves and that's all I've done. He has cried and cried to me telling me about his inner demons the way they call all the shots, he recognises his behavior

OP posts:

guinnessgirl · 12/12/2016 22:22

I don't say this lightly - I don't usually say things like this at all - but he sounds like an utter cunt. Run for the hills and don't look back. Seriously.

PaulDacresConscience · 12/12/2016 22:23

He's an amazing man but I just don't like some behaviours

He is cruel to your rescue dog who is already timid due to previous experiences. And you think he's amazing? Fucking hell, give your head a wobble.

And if you aren't prepared to dump this loser then do the decent thing and re-home the poor bloody dog with someone that is going to look after her properly.

TasLondon · 12/12/2016 22:23

I'm not allowed to talk to my mum is the final straw for me. You've made excuses for his behaviour, fallen for the idea that he wants or will get help, put up with his drunken angry outbursts you watch him taunt and torment a helpless animal, now you're limiting your support from family because of his bad behaviour. No amount of cuddling the dog at night is worth that. Please talk to your mum. Please leave him now.

Original poster

Holly90 · 12/12/2016 22:23

Hitmewithyourbestshot... fucking hell! Exactly!!!

OP posts:

Ceramicglass · 12/12/2016 22:23

The dog needs to be rehomed as a matter of urgency. The dog deserves better than you. There's no difference between its first owner and you.

FlowerOfTheValley · 12/12/2016 22:24

With most of your posts they're showing another red flag. The mistreatment of the dog, telling you he meant what he said earlier and now trying to control you by telling you what you can talk to your mum about. He knows most people will advise you to leave him hence his wish to keep it between you.

You've not been with him for a year and there's already lots of awful behaviour from him. He will not make you happy even if you do love him. Leaving now while you have no other ties to him will save you a lot of heartache in the long run.

PaulDacresConscience · 12/12/2016 22:25

He has cried and cried to me telling me about his inner demons the way they call all the shots, he recognises his behavior

And yet here he is talking to you like shit and torturing the dog.

You do know that emotionally manipulative men can also be quite intelligent, don't you? He is playing you like a cheap violin. Wake up, find your backbone and LEAVE (taking the dog with you).

bummymummy77 · 12/12/2016 22:26

If dh found it funny to be cruel to our dog he'd be out. And we have a ds together.

PaulDacresConscience · 12/12/2016 22:26

You aren't even one year in. This is supposed to be the honeymoon phase of your relationship. God help you if it is and this is him playing nice - it doesn't bear thinking about what will happen if the gloves come off.

Bluntness100 · 12/12/2016 22:27

This is less than a year, he's loving then cruel to you, he does the same to your dog, he won't let you talk to your mum.

Seriously , get the hell out of this relationship. What are you waiting for? End it.

Original poster

Holly90 · 12/12/2016 22:27

I've read everything, thank you all for your honest blunt inputs. I'm done with him (wipes hands)

OP posts:

PaulDacresConscience · 12/12/2016 22:27

I've been with my DH for almost 20 years and if I EVER caught him doing that to one of my dogs, he'd be out the door so fast with my boot up his arse that he'd be flossing his teeth with the laces.

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