Dating thread 111- just waiting...

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good.

Wow bant what a shame, I was kind of thinking we had a strange, almost cosmic connection....I bet you live close to me. In an emotional sense, if not a physical sense......................................................................................................................................(long, intense, uncomfortable stare). .

Fair point about all the other convos, though. (sigh). Off to bed early with a good book tonight, and no peeking at OKC! I need a slight break!

Update: was brave and said I saw he was online and it made me uncomfortable when we are intimate. He said he was reading messages and could appreciate that I would find that a bit off and he wouldnt do it anymore...

Online dating is hard - it has its own set of rules that I don't always agree with. Have decided I am going to ignore most of them and just pretend I am back in 2000 when it was unacceptable to "shop around"!!

Thanks for advice, have switched to POF and almost instantly got messaged! Now chatting with someone seemingly normal so that's a start. Much prefer POF, I like that it has the option of saying if they'll date someone with kids. Just not sure anyone will want to date me with the age of my kids but don't know unless I try!

Molly, I think a lot of men do not mind if you have kids, I think men are more accepting of this than women are, I won't date someone with young children due to past expereance, it's not because I don't like kids, I just like the fact that mine are growing up and I now have a part of my life back to do my own thing. Mr MOD has grown up children which doesn't bother me.
I prefer POF, I got more messages even if a lot of them are from weirdos, you need to trawl through them but there are some nice normal men on there.

I'm meant to be on my date today and I'm thinking of how to cancel, we were meant to be going for a walk but it's raining and I have the most awful period pain, I would rather stay at home under my blanket. He's meant to be texting me at 9am so I need to think of a way of getting out of it.

Mr MOD is trying to find a way of meeting me before Thursday, the waiting is hard as we are getting too involved through texting and I don't want either of us being disappointed on Thursday.

It's been lovely catching up with all your news. It all looks very positive. I was wondering if I could ask for your wise opinions.
So me and Mr Adveturer had third date, went very well, talked about whether we were both chatting to others/wanting to date others etc. and both agreed to hide our profiles to see how things went (Tinder). All good.
It's now going to be two weeks until we see each other again (next weekend) when I am due to visit him (we live an hour from one another).
On paper this seems good, but either my spidey senses are telling me something isn't right or I have become so used to the horrors of online dating that I'm expecting it to go wrong!
My queries are that we had talked about going on a long walk last Sunday (he stayed Saturday night!!) but he dashed off to get home to do a run as he is training for a marathon. I suspected I would be ghosted but we've continued messaging everyday so that wasn't it. Secondly, I've had my son this weekend so haven't been able to see him and he has been out to a film and meal with a "friend". Thirdly, his plans for the next month involve lots of weekends away (already planned before meeting me) so the likelihood of seeing each other is slim.
Sooooo, am I right to suspect this is not workable, he's seeing others and lied and it's doomed from the start? Or does it read fine, I should go with the flow and stop previous hideous experiences of OLD from influencing this one??
So confused 😫 any help would be gratefully received

love can you move the date to the afternoon for a cosy pub instead ?
In view of date with MOD, it may help to have an easy distraction. Just saying

Bernie, I would be a bit wary too, sounds like he's either a busy person or he's looking for excuses not to make time to meet, he could also be seeing other women. I'm like you and after online dating for a while and things going wrong I tend to look to far into things.

I have been messaging Mr Mod all morning and have now found out quite a lot about him, some things not so good and now I'm quite nervous about meeting him, he seems to be jumping in and seems to think I am 'the one' but as I have past expereance ( and after last weeks disappointing date with mr nice) I know that things might be very different when we meet face to face.

hello everyone
just wanted to update you all on my progress... had two dates now, one each with two guys i was chatting to...

1. lovely guy but looked nothing like his pics and maybe ten years older!

2. last night met a guy been chatting to a while, seemed lovely in messages, not so lovely in RL!

Stank of booze when i arrived...talked non-stop about himself, his IQ of 185, a terrible family tragedy, his PTSD and OCD, rearranged beer mats for about 5 mins, said he was a child prodigy, didn't ask or listen to anything I said...

about an hour in he asked me straight up if i fancied him, put on the spot i said I wasn't sure yet... he said didn't i think he was good looking, i said he was but he pressed me and i had to admit he wasn't my type...

basically went on a rant about how could i find him attractive but not fancy him, i should just pick up some other boring guy all of whom will definitely cheat on me, i was missing out on his big cock and great sex, got very confrontational, then burst into tears..."you don't know what i have been through..." etc etc... this was all within about an hour and a half of meeting!

following this i said i thought he needed some mental health help, that there was no shame in it... he repeatedly accused me of patronising him, i said i wasn't and that i was genuinely concerned...it escalated... he kept being very changeable in mood from ranting to quite nasty and controlling to being upset and emotional

spoke to the bar people asked them to watch out for me... they said he'd been ordering two shots at a time between pints!!

at this point i escaped when he went to the loo and joined nice people in the garden, he left the pub and projectile vomited all over the front door of it

the nice people looked after me and i made some new mates but jeez what a date!!! i will now be very wary to accept any future ones...!!

Bloody hell sprinkle. That's got to go into the Bad First Date Hall of Fame

Wow Sprinkle! You have dodged a bullet there. What a guy! I think i would have made my excuses much earlier though. The drunkenness would have put me off, let alone all the other stuff.

Lovemusic - if you are really not wanting to go, you should just be honest. How he takes that kind of thing can be a good indicator of what a man is like in general.

Bernie - it is so hard to be relaxed about OLD. I think no matter how well you think you know someone there is the potential to be hurt. But at the same time you can't live you life waiting for it. I just believe in going with the flow but having a little bit of control on your side where you can.

So that might mean asking for what you want from him, backing off if you sense something is wrong and waiting for him to prove himself or having good boundaries in place so you know when enough is enough.

In general though, if there is still plenty of contact and if that contact is positive and fun you should try to ignore the other stuff. Men are just as likely to have these senses as we are and might back off themselves from time to time.

Sprinkle, what a nightmare, glad you managed to get away from him. I have had a few dates like that and have felt very intimidated. It does make me wonder why we put ourselves through this online dating/meeting up with strangers stuff.

I'm kind of feeling a bit fed up with it all, I'm struggling with the 'not investing too early' and I'm struggling with keeping my options open by talking to more than one person. I kind of feel like I'm cheating on Mr MOD if I'm arranging dates with other people but I don't want to end up with no other dates lined up if me and Mr MOD don't hit it off. I have already backed away from 3 others as I can't keep up with messaging more than one person. I'm just finding it all hard work fitting it around normal life.

So date no 2 with mrlocal this afternoon. We are going for a walk .... It's drizzling!! .. Not great for my hair!! Looking forward to seeing him again .. He's been very attentive since our first date on Thursday .. So hopefully we'll have a good time ... Good luck me and my hair!!

lovemusic - glad it's not just me that has had bad experiences like this!

thankfully he doesn't presently live in the area, that may change in due course...eek

he's msgd me to say sorry he was a let down and that he was hammered but that as i didn't fancy him it made no difference anyway... I'm not sure whether to reply or not. For me fancying is based part on looks but more on intelligence so if he had behaved differently i might have fancied him but he just came across as a raving lunatic!!

should i reply or just ignore or even block him? I'm not sure he has any memory of how he behaved...!

he even went on about having dated models and that i was putting myself on a pedestal when I said he wasn't my type...(as nicely as i coud)!! so basically saying i wasn't all that anyway...!!

wingletang - take some dry shampoo to deal with the drizzle frizz - if you pop into a cafe after you can attack it then!

Wingle...how about a jaunty quirky hat? Then you can whip it off to reveal bouncy locks...

Lovemusic...ignore him. I wouldn't engage any further. He sounds thoroughly unlikeable and wanting to get you to say nice things about him for his own ends. What an idiot.

i had no date last night, but did spend a nice evening with my female friend. I had to put off my normal evening chat with my iron in favour of my friend and this felt good. It is nice knowing i have the right to choose my own needs above those of others. When I was with my husband friendships were not welcomed. My iron however told me to have a great night...

We are due to go out this week sometime though. Looking forward to it.

Well, thought I would message Mr Boatman to keep my options open, he has just sent me a photo of his manhood, I don't know how to react vlast time I did online dating ( after my marriage ended ) I got lots of these kind of photos and at the time I was up for some 'no strings atta he'd sex' but this time I have promised myself not to reply to these kind of messages .

Thank you so much for your kind replies.
He's off working abroad for four days now and I suggested this morning that we have a natter before he goes but have had no reply so I'm leaving it now and taking a step back as per remember's advice. I expected more from a 53 year old! I'll take a few days break and then climb back on the horse. I swear, without this thread I would be insane by now!! So not only do I thank you, but so does my sanity.
Blimey sprinkle that was one hell of a date!! Block and ignore, best not feed the twisted ego anymore. Well done on how you dealt with it though, very dignified.
love sound advice thank you. Looks like sticking with Mr MOD is a good decision for you😀.
I'm currently training for a half marathon and going to a running club for the first time this week, maybe there maybe some blokes there in RL!? Although I'm not sure if bright red, sweaty and squeezed into badly fitting Lycra is quite the look i should be going for 😂. Thanks again all

Oh, and I'm upping the 3rd date "rule" to five dates!

Lovemusic - was this "pic" unsolicited and random or part of a "frisky" conversation? It makes all the difference. I have had the same, but was asked permission first and I thought "why not?" - for a laugh.

If unsolicited then this is a clear message that he doesn't really respect you very much.

Men seem to have a very different attitude to these types of photos. I find it a bit bizarre. Mine just pointed out that its just a cock? No one knows who's it is, therefore whats the problem. He didn't even mind if I showed my friends (I didn't obviously!).

I would be mortified to think that even a picture of my face was being handed around to whoever.

I am yet to get to date 2, yet alone 5! Not sure i could wait that long!

sprinkle - Obviously block and delete, but you could ask if the models he managed to meet were as disgusted at the crying and vomiting alcoholic narcissist sitting opposite them as you were?

thanks Bant and Bernie

yeah think he is defo a narcissist, i'm not sure if he got boozed up due to anxiety about the date or if he has an issue with it....i think at one point he said he had issues with violence too, probably means he beats up women!! he also got quite dark insinuating he might commit suicide and also do some voodoo against me or something!!

god i really did dodge a bullet there...!!

could not believe it!

I think i will just block him, I have amended my profile to say no narcissists or people with severe MH problems...! hope he will read it!

crazy guy!!

Remember, he asked me for more photos of me, I sent him a couple pics, one was me wearing my gym gear (sports bra and cropped leggings) I didn't think it was a sexual pic at all, he then sent me a picture of his haiy cheats followed buy a picture of his manhood in boxers (erect) , he then wrote ' I want you', replied with 'the bet you say that to all the ladies'. He lives quite far away, I'm not against casual sex but I'm not driving that far to get it .

So I'm back, lovely walk ... Didn't rain then went to a country pub for a drink. He's very keen, just not sure how I feel .. Think I still have mrmountainbike whizzing around in my head. He's a really nice guy, good looking and local .. I need to get a grip! We are going out again on Thursday for a meal ... That'll be 3 dates in a week!! All happening a bit quick ... I'm trying to keep an open mind and go with the flow ... It's nice to feel fancied!