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Original poster

Dating thread 111- just waiting...

999 replies

Evilwater · 06/12/2016 20:07

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good.
OP posts:
Arkkorox · 07/12/2016 20:34

Omg, have been talking to MrTall all day. He's 6ft 6!

I'm sitting here wondering if he would even fit in my car Grin

pringlecat · 07/12/2016 20:34

loobyloo1234 Had a look on Soulmates per a friend's recommendation. So depressing. I recognise plenty of faces from POF. I am not attracted to any of these same old people. I want to feel those butterflies again - just maybe for a man who isn't a jerk.

Has anyone ever successfully gone from 'just not feeling it' to really lusting for someone? I know people can grow on you, but can you really get that amount of chemistry from an initial "meh" impression of someone? I feel like I've missed out on something here.

BernieBear Pleased to hear you have a promising date lined up - looking forward to your update this weekend! Smile

pringlecat · 07/12/2016 20:35

Arkkorox What's the height difference?

motheroreily · 07/12/2016 20:42

faffa good idea. Everyone needs a confidence boast every now and again

ark what kind of car do you have? Grin

pringle I haven't myself but I saw it on married at first site USA! There was a lady on that who was nearly crying (and not from joy!) about who she'd married but in time she grew to love him

QuarterMileAtATime · 07/12/2016 20:49

Pringlecat I felt very little chemistry on date 1 with the last guy I was seeing. But we already had the second date booked in, so I went. At the end of that date he kissed me and it completely changed things for me. Full-on lust. On dates 3, 4, 5 and 6, mooseburgers were served 3 times Blush Our schedules didn't fit at all and he lived over an hour away, so it was never going to Ben more than a fling, but we ended it on good terms and it taught me that the spark may not necessarily make itself known on the first meeting.

pringlecat · 07/12/2016 20:53

QuarterMileAtATime That's really encouraging, thank you for sharing.

MrsGallagher · 07/12/2016 21:05

Hi everyone I hope you don't mind me calling in here for advice :) Its just that my sister recently told me that I have high standards so I just need a little advice on whether I am. I don't think I do, I just want someone who is an adult and actually wants to make the effort to build a relationship. For context-my sister is referring to when I ditched a guy for being selfish in bed, having no career goals and having no desire to move away from his mum.

I've been messaging someone and he hasn't asked me much about myself just what I work as. He then straight out asked for a date. I agreed as I like to meet pretty soon but then he arranged for over a week away saying he is busy at work. I thought fair enough we all go through busy periods at work. Now he responds with just a few words and I struggle for knowing what to say back. Plus he doesn't ask anything about me so that doesn't really keep the conversation going.

Am I being too fussy expecting a man to want to know more about me and to well have more of a conversation?

Bant · 07/12/2016 21:20

Sounds like your sister has low standards, mrsgallagher

Arkkorox · 07/12/2016 21:26

pringle I'm 6ft so not too bad. mother I drive a golf but my dad struggles and he's only 6ft 3!

He's currently at work while texting me telling me how to drive a train LOL.

pringlecat · 07/12/2016 21:32

Arkkorox That sounds alright! I always find it funny how loads of men feel the need to state how tall they are - I'm so short myself, very few of them aren't going to be at least my height. I frequently encounter people who lie about a few inches - honestly, what does it matter? If you're 5'8", there's little point in pretending to be 6'0, you're already in that ballpark!

MrsGallagher High standards are not a bad thing. I'm currently thinking of lowering mine. Which would be stupid. Stick to your guns, missus.

Arkkorox · 07/12/2016 21:50

pringle exactly! Both my exs were shorter than me and it did bother me. Time for me to be the little spoon lol!

He's so not normally the kind of guy I go for but he's got a good sense of humour and one of the first things he said is that he has to take things slowly because he has a 4 year old dd to consider. I have a 2 yo dd so we're on a similar page.

MrsGallagher · 07/12/2016 21:52

Bant I agree completely with you. My sister has put up with some crap just so that she isn't lonely.

Pringlecat-thanks. I think its more knowing what I want from a relationship and being prepared to hold out until I find it. The problem though is if I am being realistic.

pringlecat · 07/12/2016 22:09

Arkkorox Ah, that's promising that you're both in a similar place.

MrsGallagher Think back to every crap relationship you've ever been in. Do you really want that again? Really? Because compromising on your basic values is where that will get you. You want better. That's OK.

Having a list as long as your arm of things you want in a potential partner is unrealistic. However, having a small number of carefully chosen deal breakers and refusing to compromise is not. Not wanting to date someone who doesn't value you is not exactly being picky...

Bant · 07/12/2016 22:10

It's not being unrealistic to want someone to be able to hold a decent conversation.

Bant · 07/12/2016 22:18

I remember seeing someone's dating profile on Match, where you can specify what you want in a partner. I was the right height, the right age range. She'd specified must have degree or PhD. I have a degree.

She'd said she wanted brown or salt and pepper hair. Fine, And colour of eyes. Also fine, And best feature chest - questionable, I like to think my best feature is my ready wit and ability to fly.
And income, fine. And languages and ethnicity and interests.

All of these I matched, except she wanted a man interested in tennis.

And I don't like tennis.

And I thought - well, I may be damn near perfect for her, but it seems to me that she's looking for a very very specific man. Possibly called James.

So I didn't message her. Who the hell is so specific on their profile?

BaklavaBalaclava · 07/12/2016 22:24

Waves and settles in.

Down to one person. Not currently looking for more irons, but want to keep my hand in because I'm clearly in the OI corner!!

pringlecat · 07/12/2016 22:26

Bant I wasn't specific at all with Mr Two. And it turned out we wanted very different things. There's clearly a balance to be struck.

BaklavaBalaclava Is that because you really like your one iron, or because the other irons have been a bit shit? Hope it's the former. Smile

BaklavaBalaclava · 07/12/2016 23:22

I think I really like my one iron. Am now massively having the fear! He seems very nice, but we've only kissed, no mb yet!

Possiblymaybeprobablynot · 07/12/2016 23:26

I have lurked for ages. Feel like a fraud as I don't have kids - but this is hand on heart the best thread online for those who are going through the perils of online dating...

So I have been doing this for two years or so after the end of a nine year relationship. Have a tendency to cling on to men who are obviously not keepers for fear of never having my own family - but now trying to squash that feeling as it has lead me down the wrong path numerous times...

One prospect currently and having a texting crisis...

Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 23:45

Bant pmsl that's I guess a perfect description of Andy Murray, you can't compete with that.

Bant · 07/12/2016 23:48

Not at tennis, no. But I'd destroy him at being able to have a conversation about anything other than tennis.

BaklavaBalaclava · 08/12/2016 07:55

lol Bant.

What's the crisis possibly ?

lastnicknamefree · 08/12/2016 08:25

Does anyone else really hate it when the guy asks you what you want to do and then seemingly expects you to suggest, organise and basically work out all the details of your date?

MrUnsuitable asked me Monday night if I would like to meet up again this evening, his wording was that he'd " love to meet up again, can drive to your part of the world and grab some food or something"

So I think, yes great he's making some effort I can definately work with this!

Hardly any contact yesterday, now he's asking me where and when do you want to meet later, and what shall we do! Hmm

How would you respond to this?

loobyloo1234 · 08/12/2016 09:15

Possiblymaybeprobablynot

I don't have children either so you're not alone Smile

Bant · 08/12/2016 09:49

last - that's not unreasonable of him, is it? He's driving to your part of the world, presumably doesn't know it, he's suggested eating - surely it's only fair for you to suggest some places you know, or types of food you'd like to eat?

If you were going over toward his place, or somewhere neutral, then I can see why that would be unfair. But he doesn't know what's around where you live