Dating thread 111- just waiting...

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good.

sounds good Wing ... think I lost some posts, how/when did you break up?

Last week ... Totally out of the blue ... We'd been dating about 6 weeks getting on great, the next date we were going to have mooseburgers for the first time .... We'd taken our time, thought I was doing the right thing ... Anyway he was worried, overthinking the distance (1hr 10mins), said he couldn't carry on knowing he thought it wouldn't work out long term!! So he wanted to end it before we slept together! We talked it through but he just couldn't get over it even though everything else was great.... So I decided to go straight back on Tinder. It's been really hard because we messaged all the time, and had been for 6 weeks prior to our 6 weeks dating... I know he'll be as upset as I am but I think trying to move on was/is the right decision

Very sensible Wing , whether the distance is some kind of excuse (fear of commitment, intimacy, whatever) or not. One can't help but wondering why even start if the distance is an issue.
Keep your fingers busy on that swipe

boxing On our first date we talked about it as he was worried about the distance and had been close to calling it off before we'd met, but thought better of it ... I think it was always in the back of his mind, I'd just hoped that it was a compromise he was willing to make. At least we didn't sleep together, I do think underneath I found a decent guy, just one that overthinks everything ... so I don't regret it, we had a lovely time together, and made me realise not all men on tinder are just after sex ... We'll see what mrlocal is after, after Thursday!

I had a good date. I asked her for a second one, and she said yes.

I am pleased.

Yay Bant that sounds promising! Am pleased for you. Did you go for drinks?

I have a first date this afternoon, meeting for coffee. After a few no shows and a few disasters last year, I decided meeting for coffee during the day was a good initial date for me as I don't have to mess around with babysitters. However, I am wondering about this. The last few dates I've had, I've been really busy so the dates have been shoehorned into rushing from place to place. Good in the sense that I haven't had a chance to be nervous but I am beginning to wonder if I'm then not really in 'date mode' as I'm slightly distracted and my eye is on the clock. It's been a very long time since I've had a second date!

bant that sounds great!
Clawdeen - I haven't managed to go on a date yet - only been doing this for about a week - and already I'm wondering how to fit dating into my busy life. But I've decided to go with the flow and if I can fit a date in then I will. Otherwise they'll have to wait.

Is anyone on Zoosk ? I signed up to see what it was like then realised I have to pay to see messages. Haven't bothered with photos or a profile yet and already I've had a zillion msgs. I'm still chatting with a couple of guys on POF but not much is happening. So I'm wondering if it's worth paying as I might get some better options! (Rather than the guy who wanted to discuss his vasectomy in detail...Yuck!)

I've come to the conclusion that the type of man I like (tall, good at conversation, snappy dresser, something about them) is somewhat different to the type of man who likes me (short, thinks unkempt greying stubble/beard is attractive, overweight, blends into the background, cant keep a conversation going, wears trackies and hoodies and doesn't possess a tie). And this is why I suspect I'm staying single for a long long time (please note positivity here - I didn't say forever!! ) Its like being in my late teens/twenties again .

Dont know how you ladies do it having several irons in the fire at any one time! You have my utmost respect!

Yay Bant - that's great news

RunnyMummy I took a look at Zoosk as a friend is enjoying it. I had not filled the profile and no photos and still started receiving tons of alerts which are obviously geared to make you curious and pay. Else everybody is liking anybody without even noticing an empty profile? Odd.

Bant surely you don't think to get away with so little details !

Clawdeen I know exactly what you mean. I too have to keep such a tight schedule if I want to get out of that door on time...and find myself so glad I made it to the bar I nearly forget that I am there to meet someone. It takes me ages to get focus on task by then I have most probably bored the guy out of his mind with my fidgeting :)

Blobby I have not met anyone new for weeks, since I joined this thread actually. Needed a break as it takes some energy, organisation and ultimately cash ! to be in a dating mood

for full disclosure I have, however, seen old fwbs here and there

Boxing - tell me more about your FWB. I see my friendship with my iron going down that route - which I am not concerned about. My 18 year marriage ended only 4 months ago. I don't need a relationship. But I am not sure how to go about this fwb idea. It been a long time!

Are there rules I should be aware of?

Am I already too invested to think about it?

I want to hear more from Bant too. Was there a physical spark, a kiss? What made it worth a second date?

I like the FWB idea too but no idea how to go about it! Boxing any hints and tips for the newbies? x

Bant another voice here for more info please!! So lovely to hear of people having successful dates

I like the FWB idea as well. So I'd like to hear any advice anyone's got to share.
Been chatting with a guy on pof since yesterday and he's just admitted he's 30! His profile says 44. I'm 49. Otherwise we seem to be getting on well but I think if you lie about your age what else will he lie about. Think I will slowly let the conversation drift away.

ladies I can try but by all means I am not an expert I go for fab who are actually decent persons I can talk to, some people may prefer a fit body ( I see that more as ONS material )
How do I do this? bullet points, here we go

1. I have to be totally convinced that they have no an hint of being twats
2. They may or may be not looking for a full time relationship but they are not emotionally involved with no one
3. They are easy and reliable . We may not speak for weeks but I am confident that if I called they will respond. If they contact me we can chat and plan. Two I ve seen for nearly 2 years. I will never fall for them, sometime we just go out, not each time we sleep together. Mind you one I just go for a drink then to his, dTd ... than talk about life. Also they have a busy life so not that promiscuous - two really will not have space in their life for a full-on relationship. So the fact they are available is not because of some existential or head fuck up, if you see what I mean

And yes remember I think you are a bit OI on this guy, but then again Mr Cutie started the same. I wanted a full on - possibly short lived love affair, but he pulled back. Since then we have met a few times, but not without some anguish, on part at least. I cannot work him out (I do not include him in fwb, we are NC now and as far as I am concerned I am done)

Okay.

Drove over to near hers (about half an hour from me) and met at her choice of pub. Originally she said we could meet halfway but she had a sitter, so I said I was happy to come over, only an extra few minutes drive for me, life would be easier for her.

Met, she looked roughly how I'd thought she would.slightly awkward conversation at first, bought drinks, sat down and chatted for going on three hours. Quite a few long looks at each other, you know the sort. She was fanciable and clever. I talked a lot more than I thought I would but she talked a fair bit too - family, jobs, terrible dates, kids. No more awkward pauses, although when there were gaps in the conversation we were both smiling at each other. I think we were both quietly pleased.

Cheek kiss goodnight when I walked her back to her car, tested when I got home to say thanks for a good night, and I'd like to do it again. She said yes.

So there you go.

my auto correct doesn't allow for F W B (hence the word "fab" popping up)

quietly pleased is the best Bant , love that

don't drink and drive bant, though !

I have a FWB , he stayed over last night and sneaked out this morning before the dc's woke up. He's someone I have been friends with for years and we have a kind of understanding, he's about the only person I have managed to be FWB with as I know I would never want a relationship with him. With other I have found it hard not to get too attached and not get too involved with their life, it's a case of just texting them now and again and arranging sex.

I'm not sure what to do about arranging a date with the man who seems to want to buy with money, let's call home Mr money, at first he seemed lovely but there's obviously something wrong as he has never had children, never been married, he told me he was in a relationship with someone he met online but she was just after his money, yet all he does is talk about how he has his own home, has payed his morgage off, how he can take me on exotic holidays and take me shopping for expensive things. He's ten years older than me, works hard, has his own business but seems very full on (talking about how he would take me on holidays etc..etc.. ). A part of me thinks 'run a mile', another part of me ( the devil in me ) is thinking 'hmmmm, holidays, nice shoes, a new car and all I have to do is sleep with him' , do I risk going on a date?

I am also chatting to a new guy on POF, he doesn't have a profile picture apparently due to the nature of his job, we are only messagin through POF so I haven't asked for a photo yet, I shall call him ' mr mysterious '.

Lovemusic33 sound like he needs a dominatrix big time - in that case you won't even need sleeping with him

POF guy no photo, yeah right, heard that from every man without a photo it is just total BS

I had a shandy, boxing

Ooh I never do that, music - I had a few women without profile photos contact me, and one was funny so I replied, and eventually she sent me photos and she was really very very unattractive indeed. You know, where you're not sure if the picture has been photoshopped or not.

Plus, with men, there's a strong chance they don't want to get caught.

photoshopped to look even more unattractive ?

Like those filters where you magnify the nose, or bring the eyes closer together, like a hall of mirrors.

Presumably they had unpleasant messages about their looks so decided to win people over with their personality first. But that doesn't work, or at least hardly ever