Dating thread 111- just waiting...

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good.

Out of the blue, Mr Selfish (ex from RL not OLD) messaged me. Thought I'd blocked him via every means possible.

We agreed there's no point talking again. I'm slightly sad - but he was never the misunderstood man I thought he was. He was always selfish.

The door was shut but now is boarded up with nails and wood.

I feel like I spend a lot of time sad about the men I thought existed as opposite to the men who actually do exist! It's as if I keep looking for good points that aren't actually there.

It works in the opposite way too. Some very attractive people want to appear less attractive to avoid the inevitable "sexy smile" comments. it would be nice to think we could judge everyone on their personality.

I wonder how a dating site would do if it banned sharing photos for the first 20 messages or something. Would it just be full of people who believe themselves to be unattractive or could it be full of people who really want to take the time to get to know someone?

I am not convinced my iron is highly attractive to other people - but I think he is simply because I also think he is funny and kind and intelligent.

On this site we have no idea what anyone looks like - yet we have formed opinions over long periods of time in some cases and those might not change just because we knew what the person looked like.

Oh, OK Cupid did it as an experiment.

blog.okcupid.com/index.php/we-experiment-on-human-beings/

I don't message women who are classically stunningly attractive. Well, maybe occasionally, but normally women who are attractive but with a quirk of some sort. In my experience women who are stunning tend to be more self obsessed or emotionally brittle.

My recent ex - one of her photos was very stern and strict looking, and if they were all like that I wouldn't have contacted her (although now I come to think of it, she winked at me first) - but in another one she had this huge massive smile and it was lovely.

But no matter what, I want to avoid the situation where I'm having a nice chat with someone and then suddenly I can see that there's just no way I could ever fancy them, no matter how lovely they are as a person. I've got to have that visual thing too.

I think I will stay clear of the man without a picture, I did think that he might not want to be seen because he's probably married or he's just really ugly . The younger guy has been messaging me today, making sure I'm still ok to meet on Sunday, I'm starting to get a little more excited about meeting him now.

Bant, I'm glad your date went well and I hope the next date is just as good.

Question guys

So the Bumble guy I wasn't sure on. Went out 2 weeks ago, half heartedly rearranged a second date but nothing set in stone. Carried on texting. Sat I was out all day ... replied to him though. And then nothing. Stonewall silence I wasn't bothered at all but I thought to be polite, as I wasn't sure on him, I messaged Monday night to see how his weekend was. No reply. He's just text me saying hey blah blah. Small talk. Do I even bother?I am a terrible replier, and I'm far from needy, but 2 days to reply? Hmm

PS Hi pringle ... hope you're doing ok?

could it be you are both half-arsed and only text when (nothing better to do?) you want to make sure it is still on ??

looby, I think it's easy to get dragged into game playing, you slow down with the messaging and then he ignores your messages a bit (playing you at your own game ), I think if your not overly interested in him then don't reply.

I have found someone I like the look of on a local dating site, I never message first but have broken my rules this time, he ticks all my boxes, likes the same things as me, has no children, has a good job and he looks reasonably attractive ( tall, slim). What are my chances of him replying to my message? Probably quite slim.

Lovemusic - don't be so negative :) Of course he will reply! And if not, well his loss.

When it comes to messaging I kind of get that at first some people can be very lazy or lax. I tend to do the same and it might seem quite rude I suppose, but maybe best not to read anything into it until you meet them and they have more of an investment.

Plus, if hes been reading these dating rules websites for men - it is apparently a tactic to keep you interested. I think a good way to keep you interested in someone else!

Hi again

Forgot to keep posting in this thread and have alot of posts catch up on it seems!

I got to the third date with the girl i met on tinder, while she was really pretty we had absolutely nothing in common aside from travel and conversation felt like hard work once we got into deeper 'knowing you' conversations.

We ended dating on good terms and shes happy to still meet up and do stuff socially and it was a good learning experience for me atleast (almost collpased from anxiety and exhaustion after the first date!)

I started chatting to another girl few days after and we got on well and conversation flowed super easy.

Was the same deal when we met up and to my suprise led to a great evening and mooseburgers.

She made us breakfast in the morning then I left with a goodbye kiss but she has not responded to me on whatsapp since which makes me think it was a ONS?

Suprised at how it made me feel a bit down as we got on so well and would of prefered the friendship over a ONS tbh (we were both into scuba diving also which isnt that common)

POF has just gone crazy. Have hard hardly any messages for days ( or no one worth replying too ), now in the past 2 hours I have had 4 men message me, one a 27 year old ( I'm too scared to reply as he's too young ), a man who lives on a boat who looks quite interesting, and someone who shares my favourite hobby, we have exchanged numbers. Mr nice put himself back on POF and then got funny with me when he saw me on there and has now blocked me, Mr money wants to call me and has tried several times, it's all busy busy and I don't know who to prioritise.

Mr 27

Hey
I've got a lunchtime date tomorrow weather permitting- snow due . We previously were meant to meet 2 weeks ago but it fell through when he questioned when and where to meet - the morning of date . So told him to forget it .
I'm giving him another chance to meet . Think he worth it saying all the right things , lots of messages plus phone calls .
Getting nervous now , totally over invested already - he's talking dates , sleepovers, holidays abroad . Hard not to get carried away .
Fingers crossed X

Boxing, don't tempt me, 27 is too young surely?

Buyme, he sounds like the guy that's talking to/stalking me, planning our life together when we haven't yet met.

could it be you are both half-arsed and only text when (nothing better to do?) you want to make sure it is still on ??

Maybe ... hmm. Have 2 other irons, so I guess I have other options. Thats probably stopping me becoming too invested which is good

lovemusic

As a PP said I think you need to stop focusing on age and see if you like them as a person. My last guy was 8 years younger if it helps? And he was lovely, just not right for me

So if age is just a number, how old is unacceptable for a man to date?

If he's 50, is it laughable for him to date a 30 year old? If he's 40, is 25 okay? Or 55?

Hi can I join please been lurking. I'm newly separated last Year. I joined match recently and have a date for Friday. He is quite quiet and I'm not so not sure how that will pan out. He messages but nothing pushy or anything, so that's Mr Friday. Then there is Mr London who was also a slow messager so I gave him a shove and now we are talking. He is in a similar situation to me with children etc but no date yet. I found that when I changed my profile picture to one less student and more posey they came out of the woodwork. Funny I wink and then the ones who wink or message I don't fancy and don't hear back from the ones I contacted!! It's good fun and a mate of mine has a nice iron that she has seen for a first date also from match. Hope I can keep up with you all but am learning the ropes especially from your posts!!

How old are you Lovemusic?

I'm 46, I don't think I'd go below 40. I also don't want to go above 50 - I'm pretty young for my age (yes, I know they all say that) but also have young children and want someone who hasn't got grown up children.

bant yes, I think 30 is too young for a 50 year old. I think it's important to have same reference points isn't it? But 30 and 40 is ok I think? I don't think age is just a number myself.

Anyway, I have a date tomorrow! I've been chatting to him since before Christmas but we haven't met yet. He's lovely and I hope I fancy him! but that's the risk of talking for so long. I suppose. I'm pretty overinvested!

bant I was interested in your not even kissing anyone on date 1. I can understand not sleep with anyone so early.

And also, people, I'm just out of a relationship. (Lovemusic I know you are too - I am the OP on another thread that you've posted on). But I find it odd to go out with someone else if you're still in love with the ex. Does it help to get over someone by getting under someone else? Or is it just a path to a massive fuck up? I don't know... (but it's nice distraction).

Too many posts to catch up on

nobloodymore I wouldn't go out with a smoker I don't think.

some PP mentioned the little formula
age / 2 + 7
so said 50yr old guy bottomline would be 32
or did it apply only to women age ?

I would. Go out with a smoker, that is, but I really need to quit, so ideally I'd go out with a non smoker who doesn't mind it too much.

When I first started talking to last nights date (MissNun.. Long story) I'd quit smoking. She's quite anti smoking. I didn't mention I'd started again.

I'm 43, I don't think I'd go below 33, or above 46 or so. But some people are younger than their age, some are way older.

That's the Paris ratio (I think) - a mans ideal age for his partner. So ideally I should go for 28 year olds.

But they never want to talk about pension plans, or how things used to be better in the good old days..

WavingNotDrowning it looks like most people are still in love with their ex, but that is life

I took my profile down as I was getting stroppy with everybody / irritated rather than enjoying the attention of new irons (because they were no where as super as the one and only I wanted)

Shit I hate myself when I sound like a teenager

are you in love with your ex boxing?

I've got lots of messages, but just dealing with tomorrow's man first. His messaging has been lovely. Really nice. A bit raunchy at times. But I've been chatting too long and there's a big risk I might not actually fancy him. but I'm going to have fun and see. I'm not desperate for a man (but I'd like a shag!).
You see I'm not particularly unbiased about age because both my exH and my exboyfriend have gone off with much younger people. But I still don't understand it. and I still wouldn't do it myself. I would if I was just after sex though

I am 35, date for Sunday is 30 (which was scary enough ) so I think 27 is too young. I have dated a 52 year old in the past , I tend to date men in their 40's.

I have been talking to Mr MOD ( can't think what else to call him ) since about 5pm, he is really interesting no we have been messaging non stop, only problem is he lives 50 miles away.