Dating thread 111- just waiting...

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good.

Possibly, I've been in a relationship since October and my Match subscription runs out in Feb. I still pop on every now and then, just to see who's winked at me etc . Not cos I'm not happy with my boyfriend or to find anyone else, but just to see who they are, what they've written to me - I find in all quite fascinating

Well I'm home .... So be honest to start with I wasn't sure .. I'd got on so well with mrmountainbike I found I was comparing him ... I had a silent word with myself and relaxed and then began to really enjoy the evening ... I think first dates are hard as you are both nervous.... Plus my niece was working in the pub! 😳 ... We are going out again on Sunday, walk and drink ... I think he could be a grower! Ooo and a very good kisser!

a fast grower by the sound of it Wing good good

wave at the new ppl

Pixieb34 why do you think tomorrow if off ? Did he say so or you just want to cancel ? He could be out tonight or fast asleep.

Possibly personally I find it "confusing" when people hide their profile after a date. I certainly would not expect that to happen nor would I take my one down till things got established and both on the same page, i.e. in an exclusive relationship. It seems early days to question it ?

Ooh Wing it sounds like the date went really well!!

I may have overreacted BoxingHelena!!
He did msg asking me later about the date...I think I'm just expecting the worst from everyone, and I need to have a word myself and calm down haha!!
So, as far as I know the date is still on...
Pixie xx

Pixie - I get where you are coming from. I got my knickers in a twist regarding messaging too. But that seems to have come right.
I deliberately cut down the number of messages I was sending and so did he. I just trusted that he would come back when he had time...it was awful at first. I felt neglected - but the more I sit on my hands and wait the more comfortable I feel knowing he will always reply eventually.

The fact I am getting daily messages should be enough - but i was judging it on the early days when all day messaging was the norm.

Good to hear that dates are going well.
I changed my profile pick on POF to show me in a dress. Didn't think it was a great picture but it's done the trick. I've had so many messages I don't know where to start. Possibly have a coffee date for next weekend but we haven't fixed a time yet.

It feels rude to ignore messages but some of the guys I know I wouldn't want to date. What does everyone else do?

Hello peoples,

Back here again! I had a short stint on a precursor of this thread 4-5 years ago, then got together with the very first man I went on a date with, and had a child with him! Unfortunately, he eventually turned out to be EA (not blaming OLD for this; I could just as easily have met him in RL), so here I am again.

Sooo.....I'm on OKC again and have been for about 6 weeks, over 40 (42), 2 DC and in a rural location. So far, things aren't going well . I've had one date; he just wasn't right, and ended up sending me a horrible message when it became clear I didn't want to see him again.

I have messaged a total of 5 men, ones I thought I'd have things in common with, and received a grand total of one reply, and that was a polite brush off .

I've been so positive on other peoples' "I'm over 40, are all men really shallow and am I going to die alone"? threads, now I feel the same! Feel really humiliated right now

My date yesterday was cancelled . He was called into work , he's the boss so no choice , unfortunately I was already on train to his 1hr 20 mins away , so just had retail therapy then came home . It didn't help came home and cried . Twice we have tried to meet - think it's doomed . Definetly was not his fault
We have been talking for 2 months , am over invested in him though . He has apologised a million times . Offering to take me away for the weekend abroad on short mini break . We are so into each other with texts , calls and future plans . Finding the time to meet again is a pain , we acting like we are already in a relationship although we have not met - is this normal ???
Met on PoF

Well that's a bit pants, mojito

It's probably doomed though - if you did end up meeting and there's huge chemistry, then what's to say he wouldn't cancel every second date.

If someone can't make the first date, or the second, they're not reliable. It's not their fault, but it's not right for you, is it?

Also, look at the rules. It's all bullshit until you've met.

He could be married, and planning to take you away somewhere when he has a business trip away from his wife and kids. It sounds suspicious to me

why where you going to meet him and not the other way around anyway ?

Love music, mr MOD's name doesn't begin with a g by any chance does it? Is from the shropshire area? X

Thanks guys
First date was his fault as he got a bit arsy about where and when to meet , about 2 hours before the date . To I told him to forget it .
Second was no ones fault , I wanted to meet in the city near him cos a love it and don't get the chance to go much . Lots to do , we planned to be there all day .

I believe he's being honest and he's single . Just think we are an hour apart, which is not an issue for me but if he not willing to put effort in to meet then it won't work , I would never have messaged him on PoF because of distance - he was the one chasing me .
We both have teenagers living at home which is making it harder , don't wont endless dates out all the time , can't afford it . But can't introduce them to early incase it doesn't work .
Think I need to have a talk with him , if it's worth continuing or leave it now before we get to attached to a false relationship .
I kind of know I need to walk away

I tried to delete my POF account (twice) but can still see through notifications that I'm getting flirts and messages.

Then I tried Tinder. It's like an Argos catalogue full of men. Unfortunately most are a minimum of 30 miles away. I've been chatting to three; one was chatting nicely then asked if I had my DCs all the time and was told yes, just never responded. One lives in my town and I thought we were getting on ok, but then he tried to get me involved with a crowd funding thing he's doing (I'm more used to dodgy Africans trying to get me to part with my money) and the third guy seems ok for now, we might try and meet up soon. He works nights which is good for me, It's a ready made reason not to have to see someone all the time.

I recently posted as new on here and had my first date last night. It actually ended up being 2 dates because I met up with another guy I had been messaging at lunchtime. So we had a coffeee but apart from his face his photos were not really like him! so no chemistry for me at all! He kind of lunged at the end, I gave him my cheek and that was that! My actual evening date was lovely. As soon as I saw him I fancied him. Managed to find a double seat in a lovely dark pub and talked a lot, got a bit closer etc and then lovely snogs and cuddles! Not arranged another date but will do. I have a friendship going on with another guy miles away I have been speaking to and although we won't meet we are having great fun via text if you know what I mean! So yeah 2 weeks into Match.com and not been too bad ! It's an interesting thread and I have to say the rules and posts have been a good source of info and just need to make sure I stay grounded. Nice to meet you all!

brittanyfairies - love the description of tinder being like Argos catalogue. That swiping can be addictive.

Deep breath. I have a date tomorrow eve. I will call him mrbadboy as I'm undecided about his true intentions. He does text me all the time but sometimes it gets a little too explicit for my liking. So I do wonder if he's just looking for fwb. And how many other women he is messaging as well. But we're meeting for drinks and I'll see how it goes.
First date in many many years. How badly wrong could it go??

Hi

May I join? After a shitty year I'm nearly divorced and on NYE signed up to GSM and Match. Decided match wasn't for me so have focused mainly on GSM. Messaged some guys and have heard not a sausage. Not one reply, not one message

Feeling a bit disheartened and doubting myself!

Molly someone used to work at GSM told me that its 75% women. Men gets lot of msg and also (his words) for people who love to write but hardly ever actually meeting. I never used it. A friend didn't get much out of it and is now on zoost? zoosk?

Rummy good luck for your date. Good to break the ice.
When I started and to some extent still now, I wouldn't care about what are their intentions, but focus on yours. Are you looking for ons, fab, or long term? or friends first see how it goes kind of thing...... have your idea of what you want out of it and stick to it.

Thanks for the advice boxing. I've made it clear, I hope, that this is just drinks and if we want to take it further then more dates will be needed. We seemed to have clicked quite well over the messaging but face to face could be different.
Molly I had the same problem with tinder. I switched to pof and now I have too many messages. Putting up a photo of me wearing a dress seemed to help! Get a friend to look at your profile and photos as well. Just in case they need to be tweaked to be more appealing. But not too appealing as you may attract the wrong sort!

I'm getting no messages on OKC! Feeling a bit down, as I carefully chose three likely prospects, that I thought I had a lot in common with, and sent them proper, thoughtfully crafted messages.....two didn't reply at all, and one sent me a polite rebuffal.

Is there a mutual looking-at-profiles thread on here??

I used to look at OD profiles and give constructive criticism, but I ended up with one strange woman continually messaging me, saying she lived near me, we should meet. Got very weird.

I'm sure others would be happy to take a look though, if you PM them

Don't get disheartened, by the way. Those guys on OKC are possibly already deeply in discussion with other people who contacted them first, and can't really respond until that's worked out, or not. Not many people can have multiple irons at the same time.
I can't manage a conversation with more than two or three people at a time, as I've also got real world people to talk to, and I'm easily confused. So I often don't respond to OD messages for days or weeks, by which time they've moved on to other conversations.

It's a numbers game.

Update - decided to call it off with mr no show this morning , text him saying he wasn't putting the effort in it and therefore obviously didn't want it enough . So bye bye

3 hours later he drove to me and we finally met . Oh he was lovely , kind & considerate .I'm so not used to being treated like a princess . Came away grinning like the cat that got the cream , seeing him again on Wednesday .
It's early days but he not looking for just a ons, wants to wine and dine me , going to just take it a date at a time and enjoy the attention X

I have never had any luck with Tinder, people just live too far away, maybe because I am rural. I got loads of messages on POF but 99% of them seem to be nutters. I struggle with talking to more than 2 at once, I went a week with no messages and then had 4 new people message me in one night, I have now backed away from a couple of them. I'm really hoping I hit it off with mr MOD, we have talked a lot and have so much in common, I'm meeting the younger man tomorrow but I am hoping he will cancel as I am meeting mr MOD Thursday and prefer him.

Good luck to anyone who has a date tonight xxx