Dating thread 111- just waiting...

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good.

Me too lilac! Woo!

That's fab Lilac. It's funny how the one that shouldn't work, does!!

Oo a new shiny thread.

Sounds great Lilac & MrsFluff !

genuineguy The frequent request by women for men of 6' or over is because lots of men exagerate when it comes to height in OLD. Im 5'6" and would be happy with anyone 5'10" or over (so i can wear heels and not feel like a giantess but I'd put 6' or over as i know most 5'8" men say theyre 5'10" to avoid being filtered out of a first search.

I suppose the equivelant is a woman saying she's a size 12 when shes really a 14 as she knows most men will use a size 12 or below as a filter (as well as 5'6" or under apparently).

I went out with someone who was 5'8" for 7 years though. I never wore heels. The most outstanding snog i ever had was from a 5'6" man though ... hmm...

lilac sounds great!

I'm 5'9'' and been taller than most of the dates I've been on, even though they've claimed to be 5'10" plus. I agree with pp about feeling more feminine with a taller guy. I went on 2 dates with a lovely, funny guy but he must have been nearer 5'4" and slim and it just felt like hugging my daughter. Having said that, I think confidence is a part. This lovely guy was a bit shy/quiet and a bit awkward about a goodbye kiss. Mr no commitment was 5'6" and I moaned to my friends about it but he was super confident and gave me a goodbye kiss with such passion that I was keen to go back for more. Well that was helpful, I seem to have counteracted my own argument

I'm also taking a break til Jan- too busy and v v slow traffic on dating sites- I agree with pp hoping it's a seasonal lull.

pringle are you in London?

I'm in London and would be up for Jan drinks if anyone wants to commiserate about the state of OLD in person!

Haha single I hope it wasn't the same 5'6" man! It was the best moose burgers of my life too!

Well, I think height does matter, but it's all relative. I don't want a tall man per se, but taller than me would be nice and I'm quite short, so that doesn't rule out a lot of men! I think between 1" and 6" taller is quite a nice height, when you get towards 1', it's all a bit ridiculous. I did once briefly date someone who was that much taller than me and I felt bloody ridiculous standing next to him. And my neck hurt.

So pleased that Mrsfluff is still the poster girl for when OLD works.

I'm feeling much better. I think my guard has gone back up and I feel more normal for it, but I don't think that guard is ever coming back down again. I let someone in and he broke me. Like you all say anywhere, there does seem to be a lull and life is busy, so probably the wrong time to acquire an iron.

BoxingHelena Where is the update, eh? You promised us an update!

Clawdeen Yes, London! Which is why I'm so shocked I can't find just one man who I like and who isn't a jerk! I'd be up for meeting up in the New Year. Who knows, by that point we might all have lots of lovely irons on the go and tons of positive news to talk about.

Hello

I started reading the last thread. I can definitely relate to those in the OI corner!

Having come out of a 9 year relationship earlier in the year, I've forgotten what dating is like and about all of the uncertainty that comes with it. It seems the uncertainty is significantly amplified with OLD.

I've been on quite a few first dates but there have only been two who I've wanted to go on subsequent dates with.

With the current iron, I was (possibly) a bit stupid and served mooseburgers on the first date, at the end of the night....and again in the morning. He's made an effort on our other few dates, including cooking and we seem to be getting on really well. He's not great at talking in between dates, but will send a couple of texts most days. This is where I suppose I either need to be told IABU or that it's a sign he's just not interested, but I know he's still been using the app most nights. I'm not a crazy bunny boiler- I know this because I was talking to my friend, who mentioned she'd been speaking to someone online and was showing me the messages....turns out it was 'my' iron. WWYD?

Well if you haven't discussed exclusivity, then technically he hasn't done anything wrong. He may be assuming that you're talking to other men too.

So, decide if you want to try exclusivity with him. Discuss it, and if he says yes, and continues to message your friend, then dump him.

If he backs out of conversation with her politely, then see how it goes.

Well I think that's pretty poor personally.

Do you have to discuss exclusivity these days then? Is monogamy not a given?

Clawdeen ... Pringle ... I'm not that far from London. Drinks sounds fun Maybe we can be each other's wing-man (woman)

And Ineedhelpplease100 - I also think that's pretty poor on his part even though technically he has done nothing wrong. He might be worried about how you feel about him aswell though so keeping his options open. Have you told him you're not speaking to anyone else?

Interesting to hear that height matters....and it doesn't!!
I'm a genuine 5'8" so should I lie like everyone else just to get dates?? 😃😃

Oh yes, it's not good behaviour at all - it's pretty much the essence of keeping you on the back burner until something better comes along.

But he hasn't lied by omission or commission if it hasn't been discussed.

Monogamy isn't a given, no, faff - you've just got to take a look at the number of polyamorists on OKcupid to see that.

So if you want to continue things with him ineed then you've got an ace up your sleeve to see if he's actually sticking to his promise. Most people don't have that.

genuine - yeah, I'm 5'10 and won't lie about it. I don't see the point - except the point is that apparently women will assume I'm actually 5'6, and 5 years older than I really am, because they'll assume I'm lying.

So women who are 5'6 won't see me in their matches because they're insisting on 6'+, even though I'm actually a decent enough height for them.

Silly really, isn't it?

Bant - as an experiment I've just changed my height to >7 ....no one will believe that!! 😃

I wouldn't assume anyone was lying about their height or age (but then I'm obviously very naive, given my beliefs on monogamy!)

I've just set my preferences as someone who is at least as tall as me. I don't wear high heels though.

I've now gone on match.com and they have a weight preference too!

anyone else use Match? It's very expensive to subscribe but seems that unless you do, you can't do much other than look at people's profiles

Clawdeen
Haha single I hope it wasn't the same 5'6" man! It was the best moose burgers of my life too!
no, this was years and years ago.

Ive done a great deal of research on OLD and apparently, most people lie, either blatantly or by omission in order to make themselves look more attractive. Just like life really.

When Ive done OLD, i set my height filter at 5'10" and then check the photos of these men for proof of height. E.g. how tall do they look compared to friends, children, cars, furniture, how long are their limbs. Not foolproof but a good indicator.

As others have said, I feel huge and unfeminine next to a small man. I just find 'bigness' such a turn on, a bit like a deep voice and confidence.

Just been catching up here.

I do understand why height is questioned, and I agree that it is often lied about. I have also wondered how tall my date is on Sunday (met on Tinder, so height not specified.) I don't think he is a 6 footer, but I'm grand with 5'8" (am 5'6"), it's if he is 5'4" would put me off. I can't ask how tall he is now, as I feel that would be rude.

Anyway, as I have said before, my expectations are so low this time round, nothing could really surprise me! (my last date, over a year ago, came out as a Swinger and secret Dogger on the second date - I left OLD at that point!

I'm short so I don't care about height. 5'2 and petite so luckily it's not an issue, I don't think I could date someone shorter than my height though.

I had a great second date last night BTW! ;)

A swinger and secret dogger, Bernie? Well, that's quite a surprise to have, on a second date.

My tall, dark handsome intense guy hasn't been on the site since Tuesday, so my conversation with him has been left hanging in the air...

But I am chatting with a few others now. I don't know though, I just don't feel 'into' this whole thing right now. Maybe that's a good thing though, as I don't get affected by any weird stuff/people who disappear etc.

Ooh Lastnick, that sounds good!!

Advice please ladies...first ever internet date (first ever blind date actually) on Sunday.
Tell me about etiquette. What should I be looking for. What are the good signs and the bad ones. What about paying? What sorts of questions should I be asking? What if the conversation dries up?

We have been chatting online for a while, but i don't get a good feeling at the moment. despite being really attentive and kind I just don't know what to expect.

Can i have some stories about your first ever dates? Just to stop these butterflies in my tummy - and not the good sort!

Why don't you get a good feeling, remember?

I spoke to him on the phone and the conversation was very stilted. I like people who are confident. yet he seems lovely when we text.

Other than that on paper he seems an Ok match.

I am just looking for excuses to not go I think. but I have to go! The first time is always the hardest, I am guessing.