Dating thread 111- just waiting...

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good.

I quite like planning dates, with input... I wouldn't want it to be expected of me to sort everything all the time, but a bit of both would suit me.

Does anyone know - on OKC if you 'hide' someone does that mean that they can't message you?

I had a couple of messages with someone, they disappeared for a few days then popped back up again and asked if we could chat on whatsapp instead. The only reason I could think of for that was being able to send photos? I've not got an idea of whether I'm interested in him from the brief messages we've had so far so I'm not going to be giving out my phone number.

He's gone a bit weird now and I just want to block him.

Yes, fair point Bant I hadn't thought of it like that.
I think I'm still on my guard because he was a bit flakey last time so I'm probably looking for problems in his attitude that may not be there.

That said, he hasn't replied tommy message yet so I'm still none the wiser!

Urggghhh and last nights conversation was going so well.

Today I've had horribly needy whatsapp messages, the latest one being ' what shall I have for lunch'

I don't care.....

Right, I've deleted Bagel and Bumble as well as POF. This one guy kept messaging me on POF - seriously, every single time I logged on, there he was. It felt creepy.

Since writing on my Bumble that I was looking for something long-term, no one has matched with me.

There is no one on OKC near me who is single, monogamous and doesn't smoke. Well, there are a handful but I find myself physically repelled by them.

Guardian Soulmates has all the same people from POF.

I think I've run out of irons completely. And in the biggest city of all places.

I have come to the conclusion that I'm apparently not relationship material.

I think this is the end of my OLD journey. I can't make anyone want to get to know me more than superficially and frankly, I'm starting to resent the time, effort and toll on my self-esteem.

Who knows, maybe I'll meet someone IRL? But I don't think there's anyone out there for me online. Some compromises go too far.

Arkkorox Less needy and more bloody boring!

Oh pringle it doesn't mean that you're not relationship material at all! It just means that you've had some really shit luck with finding twats.

You'll find someone that actually deserves you instead of the OL creeps. Let's face it it's 90% losers and arseholes online, but I don't blame you at all for taking a break or stopping OLD altogether. It's not exactly confidence building is it

Can I run a slightly different OL possibility past you guys?

When I was 17 I 'met' a guy online on a teen dating website. We became really good mates, have been chatting and keeping in contact for the best part of 10 years. Never met face to face as one or the other of us have been in a relationship. Since my ex left 3 months ago we have gotten super close, speak on the phone 2/3 times a week and text everyday. He wants to make a go of it and I really like him, he's sweet and smart and makes me laugh. I told him I didn't want to meet up until Easter next year (giving myself 6 months to potentially back out/ get over my arsehole ex)

The problem is that I feel like I would be asking him to change so much to be with me properly, he lives on his own two hours away from me. I have no intentions of moving from where I am so he would have to move counties, give up friends etc, go from being a bit of a loner ( he's lived alone since his dad died 6 years ago) to living with me and dd and all my animals. I don't want him to resent me for all of it... am I overthinking it all?

Pringle - Only thing I will say is saying you only want a long term relationship may scare people off ... why don't you change it to 'not on here for a ONS' instead? I think men for some reason, even though may be open to relationships, don't think too far ahead as such when using OLD?

Ark - you are overthinking this. Why wait 6 months? Why not meet up for a drink at least and see how you feel? He may be the one and someone else may come across him in that 6 months if you don't move faster

looby technically it's only 3 and a bit months now. He's waiting for me apparently. He said he's waited nearly 10 years, another few months is nothing.

Sweet or creepy!?

Hmm. A mixture of both haha

Do you not think you're ready to see him before though? I think you need to meet him to decide either way really. Or else its another 3 months of becoming too invested surely?

Maybe. I'm 3 months out of a pretty badly abusive relationship and I didn't want to rush something that could potentially be 'it'

I think I've been using OLD as a bit of a confidence boost plus it's done exactly what I wanted it to do, show me that the grass isn't actually greener.

We spend hours on the phone every week, he texts me first thing every morning saying ' morning beautiful' after I told him my ex never said it to me.

But... he's a city boy, I'm a proper country girl. He would be changing his whole life to be with me if it all actually happened. It's a lot to ask.

Ark - I totally understand that you would want to take your time. But going for a drink doesn't necessarily mean you have to be in a relationship with this man. You could just date - without thinking about the future in terms of either of you moving just now?

Oh Christ. He's just told me he loves me. I am litteraly half and half

Argh!

Height - is this more a criteria that women see as a deal breaker? My ex wife was an inch taller than me and often wore heels on a night out... not an issue for me, but women do seem to have a "must be 6 inches taller than me as I like to wear heels"!!! Surely that discounts 85% of men in one illogical stroke!! 😃

oh ! There you are ! marking my post, but still out and about
Will update later (got some juicy news) but also I have come up with a brilliant idea to share with you all

( ah the power of a good sh..... err oxytocin )

genuineguy yeah sadly height does matter. As a larger lady shorter guys just make me feel more self conscious

I'm 5ft 2, so don't have the worry of whether a guy will be tall enough... I do however, have an upper limit: I feel like a child with anyone over 6ft 2!

I've just seen a profile she is

Oh Pringle, sorry to hear you're down in the dumps. He's not worth it, not worth you x

Hi Baklava, how are you getting on in the OI corner?

Genuine - as someone who is 6ft and curvy, who spent 20 years with someone just under 5ft9, I was looking for someone taller. As Ark said, I feel self conscious. However, current squeeze is 5ft10 and quite a slim build, so maybe it's not so important after all

My date from Tuesday is 5'8, and I'm 5'10. It did feel a little odd, I'd prefer someone under 5'7 I think.

pringle I'm taking a break from OLD I'm not going actively looking for a guy. Some stuff has arrived in RL that means I need to get my shit together before looking for a guy again.

I'm happy in my oi corner, as long as I don't overthink things! But its nice to feel like there is someone on my side. I'm liking that.

Are things still going well for you mrsfluff?

I'm stupidly short, so don't bother about heights at all... (although not quite sub 5ft, that's impressively small)

Hi Baklava. You are diddy! Things are going brilliantly, we both seem besotted with each other. He's met daughter. I've met his Mum - she's lovely. We have Christmas plans and are booking a holiday for Feb

Hi all, haven't posted for a while about man I'm seeing. Things have moved very quickly. On paper it shouldn't work. He wrote twice before I replied as I thought we were too different. Then we met and I found out more that should put me off, but I knew I liked him. I was invested from date 2. It's not just a physical thing, but the physical side does help, most of all I like talking with him.

I only wrote to him as I played the numbers game and replied to pretty much any man that said hello. So my advice would be not to judge by initial information and to be open to high numbers initially.

I'm off OLD, but want to keep reading this link as don't know if this will last and this support thread is a good support to have, but I wanted to say that may be OLD can work too.