Dating thread 111- just waiting...

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good.

Hello, may I join? Just been woken up with a flurry of texts from someone I was going to meet tonight for a single drink, but had to cancel (with plenty of notice). He has been understanding but is behaving as though we are a couple already. Texts are about how much he missed me tonight and is making the best of things on his own (gone 3am). Woke me up and now I can't get back to sleep.

We've swapped about 10 emails since Tuesday and in all of them I've said I am only able to offer an occasional date at the mo but he appears to be hearing his own thing

Overinvestment Corner isn't just for women, Eek.

Everyone can get way ahead of themselves in online dating - making up some perfect fantasy about someone you haven't met yet, which can make the reality of meeting the real person jarring.

If I were you I'd say something like 'look, I'm looking forward to meeting you but we don't actually know whether we'll fancy each other in person. We don't know each other yet, so let's try not to get too far ahead of ourselves. I've only got limited free time to meet you and I can't treat like this as a relationship yet as we haven't met in person. '

Or something along those lines. Make it clear that it's not a relationship and it's unrealistic to act like one.

Alternatively, if his inability to hear you saying you have limited free time is annoying you, then say so. It would irritate me, if someone only heard what they wanted to hear.

Starting to notice certain phrases crop up in people's profiles. All instantly put me off!

I like all the usual stuff

I'm a glass half full kind of guy

Looking for a special lady

Morning all, just checking in and catching up on everyone's news. Good luck later possibly - I hope the second date goes well. (crossing fingers here), also good luck today remember - I look forward to the updates

My first date is all booked for later, he has booked a table at a pub halfway between where we both live (he lives about an hour from me). He's also found me on Strava so it seems we have some things in common. I'm looking forward to it, and only a little nervous (at the moment, although I will probably feeling sh*t scared by the time I drive there). But on the bright side, it certainly can't be anywhere near as bad as the dogger/swinger date .
Keep stopping myself from entering fantasy world (which I have always done before) as I know building up that pretend persona is a big no go from experience.
Only four hours to, better start getting ready

berniebear thanks! Pondering whether or not to re-paint my nails...have got dressed up so many times for dates only to question if it was worth the effort! But probably will - who knows this second date may lead to a third...

I try to keep my profile fairly specific and try to make sure it gives a real flavour of me. What I notice most is that lots of men's profiles list so many interests it makes me feel intimidated. And they are all into cycling!!

Well, m lunchtime date was a bit of a non-starter as i had expected. he was good looking, but I just didn't feel we had any kind of natural spark.

I also identified a whole load of red flags that put me off. These included talking about his ex, complaining about the divorce and how much it cost him, talking about previous girlfriends and dates and how mad/crazy/bonkers they were. he wasn't very complimentary about any women actually except his mum. he has also talked about how previous dates had misled him about their weight...

No offer to pay for the date ( I don't know if this is still a thing...but I sort of expected at least an offer). And he seemed pissed off with trying to find a park or finding his way to the place we met.

Ca't really put my finger on it. but despite seeming great on paper, i am not impressed in the flesh. I was relieved when the date finished to be honest.

Possibly - I agree they are all into cycling or triathlons. There are always photos of them doing something outdoorsy to show how fit and active they are. Always travel too...why is travel so important to these men? Women often have the responsibility of their children and therefore can't have this huge number of interests to occupy them.

Oh - now how to do I tell my date things didn't click with me...

remember - it's the same for guys! Lots of women become gym bunnies, "their DC are their world", hiking, etc .... most people who are single for any period fill their time with activities or hobbies.
The ones looking for a relationship will always find time to date, etc
My last iron did something every night of the week whilst also concentrating on her career...

The ones near me all seem to be into motorsports 😒

I am curious as to what other womens profiles look like. I expect most are more glamorous than mine

Photos of them covered in mud seem to feature prominently - obstacle course/race type things. Also horses, quite often cup cakes. That one of them caught mid-leap in front of the Taj Mahal or the pyramids. Or the Eiffel Tower.

Some profiles only have pictures of their kids, none of the actual woman. That's just disturbing.

Only a few of them holding fish though. Some, but not many.

And those bloody Instagram filters of them in soft focus with flowers in their hair, or wearing rabbit noses.

remember - keep it simple. It was lovely to meet you but I wasn't feeling the spark there, so good luck with everything.

By mistake I once started a dating site as a man looking for a woman. I had a quick browse as good to see the competition

I saw about 50% 'duck' pouting faces with heavy makeup and 50% fairly regular photos with mixture of appearance (size, colouring etc.). I didn't go further as it felt weird, but reassuring that the competition wasn't composed of supermodels. So Faff don't worry about competition.

There are a significant number of very attractive women on some sites, such as POF. But the text is suspiciously similar between them, they're looking for a good Christian man who can take care of them and also they're highly sexual and please send your email address or look at their live cam.

It's very obvious what they are, but I guess some men do get taken in by them.

Thanks Bant I suppose that's just what it is.

Yesterday I logged on to find someone else I had said a quick hello to on the site had left about 8 "Hello..?" messages, ending with a "You've given up on me" sad face etc. He then must have seen that I was online and sent me another one saying that I should delete my profile because I "clearly lack nobility." Honestly all I'd said to this guy was "Hello, that's a nice town, I used to go to college there"

Feel a bit like I'm attracting the nutter on the bus at the moment. My profile and "information" says really clearly that I am looking for the occasional date only.

PS what does rule 10 "no dating the thread" mean?

people on here shouldn't date each other. It's happened, it hasn't ended well.

Occasionally people will ask other people on here to meet up in person. Men will join the thread, post for a bit, and then find someone local and message them, meet up with them, and it's generally ended quite badly. This is a confessional and support place, not a place to meet partners or FWB.

Back when I was posting here in thread 30 or so, someone started messaging me to ask if we could meet up, as she was local to me. I felt quite uncomfortable and so I invented the rule :)

Other people have been protected by it since, I think. From my perspective it's the one actual Rule rather than just advice to daters.

Ah! Very sensible. Thanks for explaining.

I had visions of people going out to dinner with their smartphone propped up across the table with the Mumsnet app open and this thread on display. (Actually if that WAS the rule I would already have broken it in a cafe this afternoon..!)

I have a lovely new iron, just wanted to ask.. he's tee total because he was a alcoholic. Doesn't bother me, he's been sober 3 years and was very upfront right off. Just musing, how would you feel on dates with this man, would it be rude or bad form for me to have wine? I feel it's quite a social think having a glass together etc, nothing major in the grand scheme of things but got me thinking!

Bant Ah, "people from the thread" - that makes more sense. I did wonder myself, too. Now that I know what it means, I agree with it!

lastnicknamefree A friend of mine is tee total and his wife drinks when they're out together, doesn't bother him in the slightest. But he's not a recovering alcoholic.

I personally wouldn't - he might be OK with it, but I don't like drinking on my own and don't like it enough to be that fussed if I skip it. I think it's really down to you!

Bant - your line about what i should say to my date came across as you were my date...I got a cold shiver, thinking have I accidentally dated someone on the thread???

Last - I am not sure I could have a long term relationship with an alcoholic. I think I would feel like I would have to keep an eye on them all the time. its just me, but i have dealt with alcoholics in the past and they are unpredictable. i couldn't feel like I was waiting for them to fall off the wagon.

Good second date - now dilemmas:

1. I suffer slightly from not appearing keen. At what stage do other women ask the man out on a date?

1. It's too close to xmas to think about trying to set up more dates but I am a massive over investor. How do other people avoid over investing if they only have one iron?

lastnickname can you ask him or would it be awkward?

1. I'm the same so no good advice here ;-)
2. Get more irons. You are right it is a funny time of the year. If I remember correctly January will see a massive surge and plenty new people will join ( Right ! this is the last xmas I spend on my own syndrome ) a bit like joining the gym

There are two type of OI, in my opinion, one is pathological (that aint good) the second is when you really like some one after a long time and you are genuinely interested in that person (not in a approval / affirmation type of way) you need to feel something that moves you and keep an open mind and be optimistic, otherwise it all far too clinical

That's the theory anyway
we all fuck up :-)

Morning all. Date went well. Conversation flowed, a fair bit in common, lots of laughing, eye contact and no mention of any dodgy sexual behaviour. Blimey, there's a result! Talk of a second date now but, as has been mentioned, it's a tricky time of year so we'll see.

sooooo... hello again ppl
update
Mr Two was basically out of the picture the minute i put my pants back on (must be a doomed pet-name, right?) don't miss him

4/5 young irons I have been on / off talking to ( they kind of merge into one for age, music taste, attitude, sense of humour etc ) they are keen to meet and so am I - very casual - but with the xmas frenzy I doubt there will be much time for new encounters (unless..............)

Mr Cutie - after putting it off / cancelling twice - I managed to go for it
It felt great, I knew it would, and it did, and wow.......
we are still talking, although we are just talking shit

I can see some ladies out there are all loved up. Go girls

evil hope nothing to serious in RL. Miss your burgers feasts updates

So I gave mr tall another chance after his slightly odd messages. He's actually really sweet, very over invested but I think he might calm down over time. Am I kidding myself?

Anyway we're not meeting till after Christmas but texting lots.

So

Mr tall - good job and good ambitions, taller than me, same long term goals, seems to be a good dad although I could be being bullshittted of course. Not unattractive but I don't want to rip his clothes off from his pictures.

Or

Mr Birmingham- long history of being friends (10 years but never met) crap job, not interested in bettering himself, possibly knows too much about me?, not very tolerant of kids in general, bit of a loaner, would be a cracking shag... also recently told me he loves me

Hmmm.