Ex has done it again - 3rd time

[Pisssssedofff]

Basically if the kids and I or he and I have a falling out. Ex basically spends an entire week/weekend/day telling them how awful I am, how right they are and how they'd be better off living with him. And then they say great can we ? And he says no back you go to live with pissed. DD3 ended up in hospital last time tranquilised.
So I've said no this time, no more fucking with their heads. You've said they ought to be living with you then you bloody well keep them.
It's all going to hit the fan I pressume when they go to school on Monday. 4 years this has been going on I've no more fight left in me I just want him to keep them.

Just had a text from DD2 they aren't there

Put the support in for you both you and them!

Mostly them because it sounds like they don't know where they are wanted

I am giving you a hard time because frankly you deserve it. The self pitying bollox has to stop. There are lots of women on here bringing up children alone, it's not easy but god..... it's everyone else's fault but yours.
You are looking for drama and confrontation. Only one of my sons sees their father. I don't spend my teeth wailing and nashing my teeth complaining about their lack of support. Your children need continuity, you said yourself they were happy when you were in a Bedsit.
One step at a time. Don't use your remaining children as sounding boards. If the ex is the knob you say he is then they will soon be back. Just focus on now and the children at home.

Soubriquet the support I need SS just aren't in a position to provide otherwise there would be a que round the block for it !

wanna. I'm sorry to hear your situation, I'm sure it's every bit as rotten as mine. What I find really hard to understand with Mumsnet and maybe I was like it years ago, I don't repeat any of this to anyone in real life, I don't go around telling the kids I don't want them I wish I could be single or anything like that. And the moments - not days or weeks - I do feel like that I hide it bloody well

OP everyone posting here wants you to be able to sort this out, fir your sake and your kids.
Some posts may be harsher than others but the messages are all the same - take steps to improve this stuation.

Have you replied to her?

Honestly most people on here are trying to help you, I really think you need to take a step back as you do appear to be very reactionary when you are dealing with issues with your children.

Take yourself back to your GP - explain that you really struggle at times and this has led to you making very rash decisions nad the resentment is leading you to be emotionally detached from your children. No holiday is going to cure it, that only papers over the cracks. Do this before you make a decision you may live to regret.

For your children's benefit do keep communication open.

Ive texted her to say I want to meet for a coffee, she's said no so I'll leave it

At least text her back to say you love her and you'll be there for her regardless.

You said you didn't mind so maybe it's best for a while. It will give you a break. Was DD2 the one who wanted to stay or was she the one you said to stay to watch over the other?

Just keep communication open and let them know you love them.

I've found DD2 and ex in Starbucks she's upstairs with him and won't come down, do I go up ? I'm being made to feel like some sort of criminal that can't go near my own child

You have said you will be at the school at 1pm, so be there.

As calmly as possible take all your kids home.

Talk to them. Tell them that you regret calling their Dad to take them on Friday, and you are sorry.

Tell them you love them to bits, but you are a human being and rows on the school run push you over the edge.

Ask each one in turn how they think you can all work as a family to stop this happening. Rules for discussion: everyone makes a suggestion about how THEY can help. No accusations about others. Everyone listens as each person speaks, no interrupting.

Resolve to get counseling / ask your GP about family therapy.

When you are desperate, do not see ex as a way out.

Do not use the children and their care as a means to get back at him. Having the care of your kids is not revenge!

You cannot use your 14 yo as a human shield for your 12 yo. It is not her responsibility. She wanted to come home.

Look after yourself: therapy / counseling.

Take control, keep control. It will give you strength and strength will give you calm.

You had the arrangement. Text calmly and say you are keeping the arrangement, see them at 1pm.

Let her have her space, if that's what she wants. But let her know you love her and you'll be there for her.

How did you find her there?

X-posted.

Go up, be loving and kind to your dd, calm and direct, say you will leave them for coffee and see them at school at 1 as arranged.

It must have been v upsetting for your Dds to find you had basically kicked them out for the weekend and possibly ever. And then tell the 14 yo, who hadn't caused the row, that she was lumped in with the eviction. You need to acknowledge to them that you understand that.

Kids will choose to decide something they don't like to help themselves feel in control, rather than be subjected to insecurity. Sadly your actions in Friday and yesterday morning, however understandable, contributed to insecurity. The 12 and 14 year olds need to know you understand them.

These poor kids.

Get some help for them before you fuck them up more.

I'd go up, say hello nicely to both, maybe take cake, and say it's been a hard weekend for everyone can we please start again? Say you'll wait downstairs while they decide what they want to do. Then wait. Be the bigger person.

Their Dad has presumably driven them an hour to your town to bring them back?

So is expecting to keep the 1 pm arrangement?

Op I mean this kindly
Why can't you cope with looking after your children?

And where is your other child?

I'm confused. DD2 was the one you told to stay and look after DD3 who wanted to stay with ex, so why is DD2 refusing to see you?

Other child is at drama class.

Twice he came down whilst DD2 and I were talking and she told him to leave.

We've agreed they will stay the week with him, pick the little one up Saturday morning as usual and then back Sunday night next week. The kids have been shown every text by him, that's not right is it ? Including the one I posted him telling me to fuck off, what is wrong with him ?
Equally DD agrees her behaviour hasn't been great and I'll talk to the school about support with that on Monday.

Iamdobby63 it'll would have been becauE he won't fucking leave her be, twice in 10 mins he came down to check on her ... What does he think I'm going to do in the middle of Starbucks ffs

iminshock I could for years with an au pair they were grand, where it's gone down hill is being in a tiny house on top of each other, I have a solution to that that's going to happen in July. And him sticking his oar in. The common denominator in all this is him and my reaction to it, so I will just block his number and learn my lesson.

And is DD3 in agreement with this?

No it's not right so you have to not give him the ammunition.

How do you feel? I take it you saying on here that you didn't mind if they came home or not was actually you being defensive?

Glad it appears to be resolved.

DD3 wasn't there. Sixth sense is spot on with everything I've photographed the post. We will be back in the family home no matter what the cost and I will give everyone a better environment, they can walk to school, reduces flash points etc will make a massive difference to everyone's quality of life