Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex has done it again - 3rd time

262 replies

Pisssssedofff · 03/12/2016 13:14

Basically if the kids and I or he and I have a falling out. Ex basically spends an entire week/weekend/day telling them how awful I am, how right they are and how they'd be better off living with him. And then they say great can we ? And he says no back you go to live with pissed. DD3 ended up in hospital last time tranquilised.
So I've said no this time, no more fucking with their heads. You've said they ought to be living with you then you bloody well keep them.
It's all going to hit the fan I pressume when they go to school on Monday. 4 years this has been going on I've no more fight left in me I just want him to keep them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 04/12/2016 09:16

I could turn up at 10 and get DD2 alone then and then basically snatch DD3 at 12.30

OP posts:
Iamdobby63 · 04/12/2016 09:17

The police told you that?

Why would there be a scene at the school? If he is there then walk away. You chose for him to have them right now, if you want them back and he won't comply then you will have to apply to the courts.

Why do they finish so early?

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 04/12/2016 09:22

Because it's a Sunday, they aren't at school it's an extra cuticular thing. Yes the police told me that. I don't mind either way if they come back or not tbh, I'm not entirely convinced unless they walk through the door themselves they should but equally I'm not able to speak to them and the longer they stay with him the less likely it is they are coming back

OP posts:
Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 04/12/2016 09:24

I don't know what to do, leave alone or go and get them ?

OP posts:
Iamdobby63 · 04/12/2016 09:27

If you don't mind then why say you would pick them up?

Your life is difficult enough but you do appear to make it harder for yourself, you had texted you DD to say she could come back but now you are imposing it, and yet you still say you don't mind if they do or don't.

Iamdobby63 · 04/12/2016 09:30

You had better go, even if you stand back and see if he is there to collect or they could be abandoned there.

I wouldn't suggest you drag them anywhere though.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 04/12/2016 09:36

I think it should be dd's decision ... The trouble in my mind is two things, he's had since Friday in their ears telling them a load of crap, showing them texts I sent in anger etc. The longer that goes on the worse it will be .... He lives 2 hours away from their school ... Girlfriend I think is an hour away from their school. I have no address as to where they are at all and he's blocking contact. I also know it's really hard as a kid to change your position, exactly this happened to me and my mother ended up moving to America and because I'd stubbornly said I wasn't coming I didn't. I can see this just getting worse and worse

OP posts:
wannabestressfree · 04/12/2016 09:40

Actually I do 'get it'.
I have three children, a sporadically paying ex, tax credits and work full time. Oh and a serious illness. Cry me a river....

wannabestressfree · 04/12/2016 09:44

You both need to grow up and stop using the poor children as pawns. Let the dust settle and things die down. Try and maintain contact directly with the children.
You don't sound in a good place though it might be better for them to remain with their father for the time being.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 04/12/2016 09:48

wannabestressfree well then you know it's not as simple as just do this just do that. I don't rivers cried thank you very much, I want the co parent to parent. Stupidly I accept I ducked up when I thought that might happen so I will just sit back and let the dust settle. I'll take their phone chargers to them today and walk away

OP posts:
LiveLifeWithPassion · 04/12/2016 09:49

If you do go, be calm and warm for your kids.
Don't go in with your anger, prioritising lashing out at your ex.

You really need to learn how to manage your anger. And stop with all the texting and giving your ex more ammunition.

Start learning how to deal with things in a calm way. Get yourself on an anger management course or get a self help book in the meantime. Learn ways to better manage your life and emotions.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 04/12/2016 09:52

I'm walking in giving the Chargers and walking out. A big part of this is stopping this behaviour from them too, when daddy wasn't around to run to they weren't like this st all .... The happiest we were was in a council bedsit just the 5 of us, him coming back and paying was meant to make things better not worse !

OP posts:
Iamdobby63 · 04/12/2016 09:52

If he lives that far away then he might not have taken them to school today.

You said you were picking them up, if they are there and you don't turn up then that makes you look completely irresponsible.

You have no control over what he says to them or what he shows them, you can only control what you do and say to them.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 04/12/2016 09:54

I can find out from a friend if she's there or not

OP posts:
Iamdobby63 · 04/12/2016 09:55

Can I suggest you also wait to make sure your ex is actually picking them up.

And I do trust you don't actually just hand them the chargers and walk away, I hope you reassure them that you love them etc

onmybroomstick · 04/12/2016 09:58

I feel for these poor children. Don't just drop chargers, speak to them and see how they feel and what they want

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 04/12/2016 09:58

Listen I am not opening my mouth because if I do there will be a row and that upsets the kids. I'm sure you can imagine what he's like he's slammed my hand in the car door before things like that ... Broke into my house, in fact he tried that on Friday, thinks there's nothing wrong in that idea

OP posts:
LiveLifeWithPassion · 04/12/2016 09:58

I agree with Dobby. You need to speak to them. Reassure them that they're welcome to come home, that you love them, hug them.

wannabestressfree · 04/12/2016 09:58

It just sounds dramatic again.... why do you have to give them their chargers and walk away??? Can't you leave them at reception if you aren't capable of a conversation and being nice??

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 04/12/2016 10:00

If I start talking to them saying I love them etc that will start him off on one, I just think it's best to drop and go if they are even there

OP posts:
LiveLifeWithPassion · 04/12/2016 10:00

Don't talk to your ex. Talk to your children.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 04/12/2016 10:01

wannabestressfree why do you keep turning this in me? I've said I am trying to not have an argument and you're saying I can't be nice ... Why would you think that

OP posts:
Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 04/12/2016 10:02

LiveLifeWithPassion - he will start kicking off, doesn't matter whether it's talking to them he'll just start with loves you eh and ranting away, better to say nothing ...

OP posts:
Iamdobby63 · 04/12/2016 10:03

Just think for a second what message you would be giving your children if you just walk in and give them the chargers and walk away? Also remembering what you said your ex would be saying to them since Fri

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 04/12/2016 10:05

and just think how it looks to them daddy mouthing off ... They don't seem to think oh look mums nice and calm whilst dads broken into our house and kicked mums head in ... All they see is mum and dad are fighting ... Been there got the tshirt

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread