Ex has done it again - 3rd time

[Pisssssedofff]

Basically if the kids and I or he and I have a falling out. Ex basically spends an entire week/weekend/day telling them how awful I am, how right they are and how they'd be better off living with him. And then they say great can we ? And he says no back you go to live with pissed. DD3 ended up in hospital last time tranquilised.
So I've said no this time, no more fucking with their heads. You've said they ought to be living with you then you bloody well keep them.
It's all going to hit the fan I pressume when they go to school on Monday. 4 years this has been going on I've no more fight left in me I just want him to keep them.

No one has stitched you up
You chose to have multiple children with this man and things didn't work out
You can't now just blame him and run away

How lovely for your children.....

I think it could potentially work ... Even with the equity from the family home I can't get a mortgage or a rental that will adequately house us so that's a major flash point of stress each and every day ... He could.
He has parents, I do not
He has a girlfriend, I do not
Basically I've been handed these kids and left to it. Both set of grandparents could help, they choose not to. He could have them in the week ... Again work comes first so he doesn't. And yet he has the audiacity to scream at me that I'm a failure because I can't keep a job because I habe the kids.
As I can't seem to do anything right maybe it is time for billy big balls to show me how it's done

No one has 'handed' you the kids you gave birth to.

Both of you are obsessed with one another winning points.
Grandparents have no obligation to help with grandchildren especially when it's a case of handing them off because they have been brought up badly and have behavioural issues.
Gf also has no obligation to raise your kids either.

BumDNC it's not the children or multiples and things not turning its the way he's behaved since the day it went pear shaped. A friend of mine had exactly the same happen within a matter of weeks of each, same kids, same ages. Her ex did the right thing with child support, sorted himself a house and new girlfriend within commuterable distance ... Mine moved 5 hours flight away, finally came back to the uk a year after we did could have got a job anywhere in the uk nice fresh start, chose one two hours away from his kids. The list goes on ... Took me to court for full custody, SS laughed at him, it just feels like whilst they have anything to do with the man this will never ever end

I fully appreciate my mistake was calling him I totally accept that. I just want to do the right thing now.

In years to come when your kids are fucked up adults you both will still be moaning it's the other ones fault. God reading this makes me so angry. Parenting is the hardest thing but tough shit it needs doing otherwise you will fuck up their mental health for good.
I suggest you seek counselling for all children involved.

You've had a horrible time, I don't blame you for being at your wits end. I'm not sure any of us can say anything which will help you out of this.
Is he generally ok, but kicks up once a year? Or is he all round a game player and useless damaging dad?
If the latter, maybe you need to take him to court and go for supervised contact or no contact? If his behaviour is damaging DCs. You might be stuck in a 'not quite bad enough' scenario. Have you tried CAMHS or SS support? It seems wrong that he can mess with their heads in this way.

Super helpful ellenjames thank you

pklme thanks for your reply. Nobody's interested in helping and that's the worst of it. I cannot cope I can't and you'd think saying that out loud would be the right thing to do, but no, when they are fucked up completely and robbing cars or on crack that's when somebody may step in. I e honestly considered over dosing to make a point but I'd probably suceed knowing my luck

I can't believe you have just written that you are considering pretending to kill yourself to get the attention you need.
No I don't have much sympathy for you because mine is with your children.
It's hard and it's shit no one is denying that. But pretending to kill yourself and arguing so badly with a 12 year old that you now want to send them to live elsewhere is probably why no one is helping you - because you aren't helping yourself.

You know what I was going to pretend, they'd get the life insurance and this bull shit would come to an end. I'm ducking done with it

I'm just so over it. I get the Facebook memory photos pop up and I cannot believe this is our live now, it's unrecognisable, he is unrecognisable, I am I wish I could go back in time and shut the door in his face on the first date

If you have genuine intention to harm yourself then please ring the Samaritans on 116 123 or a friend or go to A&E and tell them that you are worried you might hurt yourself. If you need psychiatric help then get this urgently.

I'm watching my son dancing around his bedroom and I'm going to have to give him to that twat so not to fuck them all up I just feel sick

The strange thing is that just seems the calmest most logical thing I've thought of all night. I wouldn't do it, I'm not that brave. Wish I was though

Call the Samaritans. I don't think it's good for you to fantasise about these things on here. Or full stop

If he's as bad and as toxic and is fucking with the kids minds as much as you say then why the frig are you even considering having your children live with him?

No sympathy here for you OP. Being a lone parent is hard. But you aren't helping yourself with your attitude and you certainly aren't helping your kids. Shape up, and be the parent they deserve because at the minute they're getting nothing but bad vibes from the pair of you.

How long were you in a relationship with him?

11 years in total. Complete my fault, I never loved him, massive mistake should have left in 2004 and 2011, just didn't have the guts. I do hate making decisions, I get paralysed by them

I don't want to be a mother

I honestly think the kindest thing you could do right now is report suicidal thoughts to your GP, seek treatment and care for yourself and contact social services for the children to be placed into foster care for the interim, until you are better supported.

So don't make a decision tonight. Steady yourself and just sit down and be calm. Put some music on you like that you can relax and breathe to.

Reading your previous threads, you thought you might have been pregnant in may this year and if you weren't, were considering ivf although you thought it was expensive. That wasn't with him? That was with someone you had been with for 4 months. You split up the day before you thought you might be pregnant.

Do I have things correctly?

Do you love your DCs?

I mean, "really love" them? So much you'd do anything for them? So much that every fibre of your body wants nothing but the best for them?

If so, then stop - think - change. Get her those children back to you, love them, hug then, tell them everything's going to be ok. Then, quietly, without making a song & dance about it and without involving them, go seek some help. You need practical legal help to sort finances and contact. You then need some parenting support, some counselling and you can find a way forward.

If you don't, then maybe a life with their Dad would be better for them.

Dadsaworry I used to, I was super mum now I'm just numb tbh ... I do everything they have nice clean clothes, posh trainers, home cooked meals, maths tutors, I go to parents meetings, football practice. I feel nothing for anyone tbh