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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Ex has called the police on me!

300 replies

Notmyweek · 01/12/2016 21:59

So I've just received a letter from the police stating that my ex has called them due to me harassing him!

They've said they aren't going to arrest me but want to see me to get my side of the story!

Is he fucking serious??!! Only last week I had to call them because of his abuse and weirdness and now he's called them!

Yes I've contacted him since but only regarding our child.....wtaf??

His sister has even been in contact with me! Yet I'm now being told I'm harassing him??

I'm pregnant! I don't need all this stress, how can he do this?? I genuinely believed he loved me once, obviously I was wrong...who calls the police on their pregnant ex??

OP posts:
Notmyweek2 · 05/12/2016 14:43

Your story and mine are two different stories, please don't compare....no one is worse off and no one is better.

He didn't beat me, I'm not afraid of him in the slightest....he's just left a very very bad taste in my mouth due to the mental abuse.....I spent most of our relationship crying because he made everything out to be me, he blamed me and others for his behaviour....it couldn't understand just how he was being.

Yes he slapped me in the face on one occasion and rather than admit his guilt he told me to leave when I cried & yes he grabbed my leg because I stroked his face which ended up me having a panic attack and he tried to remove me from his house because I was overeating apparently!

This post isn't going to do much else for me than allow people to "goad me" which is pretty bad considering I open up about what's going on in my life and I get shit for it!

Well, thank you to everyone for your advice!

But I see no reason to continue this thread.

forumdonkey · 05/12/2016 15:26

Your last two posts only confirm that your posts are indeed confrontational and aggressive. Why do you think posters are goading you? And neither am I sat here upset by your replies.
What a lot of people can't handle is strong minded people who don't necessarily back down, I won't pander to your opinions or thoughts on this matter and unfortunately if you don't like it, it's tough....same as if I don't like your replies!

Hmmmm strong minded and won't back down, or pig headed who thinks they're always right? This is a public forum, where you have courted opinions based on what you've wrote, it would seem that it's you, that can't handle the replies.

Tbh if you are in RL as you have come across here, I'd want to distance myself from your drama and reactions.

Notmyweek2 · 05/12/2016 15:43

Again, opinions are just that...opinions....they aren't fact nor do they have to be taken seriously.

Luckily we don't know each other in real life then! Problem solved...if my replies bother you enough to have to again reply then please for the sake of everyone reading, leave the thread and stop posting.....I don't think I'm always right, it's funny how I don't even need to state it for people to act like I did.

Fact is, I don't require an argument with you or anyone else, I've outgrown confrontation and don't have room for it in my life. You are "goading" me by putting things out there and making accusations! It's going to annoy me and of course naturally I will defend myself.

Seems to me that because I haven't acted like you did when you left your relationship that I'm getting a lot of stick for it, people aren't you, probably best!

Thank you for your comments, il take them on board

SlottedSpoon · 05/12/2016 16:19

and he tried to remove me from his house because I was overeating apparently!

Is that an autocorrect typo? Did you mean to write overreacting?

Or did he really kick you out of his house for overeating?

Shock
Notmyweek2 · 05/12/2016 16:23

Sorry

Definitely meant to say overreacting

myoriginal3 · 05/12/2016 16:33

Op. Really you are coming across badly.
Try to calm a little.
The stress isn't good for the little one.
Try to relax, take a bath, light some scented candles and watch a movie. And chocolate!
Turn off the phone and laptop and just mind yourself.

forumdonkey · 05/12/2016 16:46

Seems to me that because I haven't acted like you did when you left your relationship that I'm getting a lot of stick for it, people aren't you, probably best!

You have posted that your ex was both physically and mentally abusive, do you think that anyone whether they've suffered DV or not would support you being with this man? The 'stick' you are getting is to keep you and your unborn baby safe ffs

Notmyweek2 · 05/12/2016 16:51

I'm calm & collected.

This is starting to be a positive, he'd moan at me for pointless things....was very jealous and constantly accused me of having an affair.

I now don't have a moaner in my life
I am now free to reply to people as I choose as he'd kick off if I didn't reply to him quick enough
Guilt tripped me into seeing him most days
If I wasn't feeling well (the night I passed out) all I got was a "are you okay?" Then off to the pub he went!

There were so many more negatives than positives & like a lot of people have said, I've had a lucky escape!

I now get to look forward to having my baby and how I choose to raise him without his fathers input.

Notmyweek2 · 05/12/2016 16:54

I am safe....my baby is safe.
Myself and my ex no longer speak, we have no contact under no circumstances. I receive all the support I need from family.
I have consulted a DV organisation & have been referred to SS, not great but it is what it is.

He isn't the type to just turn up at my house uninvited & kicking off...especially not whilst I live with my father & uncle!

SlottedSpoon · 05/12/2016 18:28

So it's all good then.

AcrossthePond55 · 05/12/2016 18:31

Your last two posts sound as if you're turning that corner. Chin up, eyes forward, march on, right?

You are now free of him. Free to live as you choose. And soon you will have a beautiful baby to raise as you choose.

He's the past, your child is your future. What a wonderful life awaits you!

SandyY2K · 05/12/2016 18:51

Having read through your posts OP, I find your posts very confrontational and aggressive.

^^ This

You keep denying being agressive, .but each follow up post says otherwise. I don't think you realise how you come across TBH.

It was very wrong to contact his friend and boss, regardless of her being pregnant.
Why involve a third party in the whole situation?

If I finished with a boyfriend and he went and contacted a friend of mine for anything involving me, I'd be furious.

If he was interested in the baby, he'd have contacted you for the scan pictures. Contacting her was wrong on every level and I'd perceive that as harassment too.

Whilst you haven't been charged for this or the claim from your Ex wife, a record of allegations exists. If you get another such claim in the future, how do you think that's going to look.

Notmyweek2 · 05/12/2016 19:35

I am to the point & don't mince my words....so people can take it the wrong way, however I can't spend my life p*ssyfooting around people....im sorry if you feel the above was "aggressive"Hmm

However, I'm coming out the other side of this huge sh*t storm & feeling more positive!

In a very weird way, you all contributed to making me feel better, let's say you took my mind of it, as odd as it sounds.

So thank you all!

Fidelia · 05/12/2016 23:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SandyY2K · 06/12/2016 00:43

I always suggest people question themselves, when they become the common denominator in situations like this.

Self reflection is very insightful and promotes personal growth.

SlottedSpoon · 06/12/2016 04:38

Let me tell you the trouble with people who say things like 'I am to the point' and 'don't mince my words' and 'I call a spade a spade' 'and I don't let people walk all over me' and 'I stand up for myself'. For a start people don't take it the 'wrong' way. It's very clear and blunt so how can they take it the wrong way? The problem is they take it exactly the right way.

People who describe themselves thus think that being honest and assertive are good, strong qualities that weak lesser beings people can't cope with.

Well they are indeed good qualities when executed carefully and with sensitivity. But too often what others actually see is gobby and rudely outspoken person with a bit of a persecution complex who blurts stuff out with no thought for the consequences or the feelings of others. They see someone spoilt and tantrum prone, demanding and narcissistic. They see someone with little or no emotional intelligence who struggles to deal with the fact that they can't control the thoughts and actions of everyone around them. They see someone who does not respect others' point of view and is incapable of considering that it might have some validity.

You don't have to answer this of course, but I'd be interested to know what led to you seeking help and being referred for CBT in the first place. You have already said it's because of your emotions. Do you have a diagnosis of some sort?

I agree with Fidelia and Sandy. A very common theme in people who struggle to keep harmonious relationships going and tend to fall out with everyone they cross paths with eventually is that they have little capacity for self reflection, very little self awareness or empathy and an inability to regulate their emotional responses to things.

It's all just 'me me me against the world, you're either with me or against me and if you're against me you can fuck off.'

You do sound quite unstable and highly emotional and combative. You also seem to filter everything you hear/read and immediately discard or dismisses the bits that don't fit with what you already believe to be true so you never learn anything or consider a different POV. At the same time you seem to vacillate wildly and at warp speed on big important things that deserve more considered and balanced thought thought than you are giving them.

Actually you don't really want opinions to consider, do you? You just want validation of your own opinions and decisions which are frankly all over the shop and no-one can keep up.

Trying to live a life in strictly black or white where you are right about everything and the rest of world just refuses to bend to your thinking is exhausting. I think you should work on exploring some shades of grey and on learning to consider things from a different perspective. It might bring you some peace.

And it will certainly help with your parenting. It's going to be very tough indeed with your current very rigid and dogged way of thinking.

OnionKnight · 06/12/2016 06:29

Well said Spoon Grin

Notmyweek2 · 06/12/2016 07:50

Anyone can make a judgement based on words they've read!

What you think & what is fact are two different things....I'm not here for a counselling session & I won't sit & tell you all my insecurities, me as a person.

Quite frankly SPOON, you are taking it very very far from the topic in hand....I did not ask for an opinion on me, so I'd very much appreciate it should you take a step back.

The thread is not called "ex called the police on me, can you all give me your opinions on me as a person"

This is a thread to chat, you are not medical professionals, do not try to work me out.

Fidelia · 06/12/2016 08:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LisaMed1 · 06/12/2016 08:09

I'm glad that the matter with the police is resolved. Hopefully you won't have to have any dealings with your ex. I expect he will try and get in touch with you again soon and I would be very careful about getting sucked into his drama. I suggest that you keep a record of all his attempts and keep remembering how he made you feel when he called the police. Good luck.

btw I find your posts aggressive and confrontational but I suspect that it is a trick of the writing style.

forumdonkey · 06/12/2016 08:13

Responses to you are based on what you write. The words you have used to posters and also your account of what has happened.

Your ex called the police on you - given the background and the posts you have made, I can understand why he has. This is the second time two exs have done this. It's either you are all caught up in a dysfunctional drama or there is a need to keep you apart

Notmyweek2 · 06/12/2016 08:32

So I need to tell you my life? What insecurities I've got?? Why I've been referred for CBT, why I am the way I am??

I won't open myself up to that because someone will simply find something to pick out and absolutely slate me on, it's easier when people make their judgements based of what they think they see

JustAnotherPoster00 · 06/12/2016 09:21

I still say its either BPD or NPD, theres a way they deal with you and having had 1 of the 'weirdest' relationships with a BPD sufferer you display all the tells OP, I would ask your therapist if they can sign you up for DBT rather than CBT as it will be more helpful.

I hope you get help OP, good luck and please try and keep the crazy to a minimum after the baby is born.

SestraClone · 06/12/2016 09:29

Can you claim CM from a person not named on the birth certificate?

Manumission · 06/12/2016 09:30

Can you claim CM from a person not named on the birth certificate?

You can.