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Original poster

Ex has called the police on me!

300 replies

Notmyweek · 01/12/2016 21:59

So I've just received a letter from the police stating that my ex has called them due to me harassing him!

They've said they aren't going to arrest me but want to see me to get my side of the story!

Is he fucking serious??!! Only last week I had to call them because of his abuse and weirdness and now he's called them!

Yes I've contacted him since but only regarding our child.....wtaf??

His sister has even been in contact with me! Yet I'm now being told I'm harassing him??

I'm pregnant! I don't need all this stress, how can he do this?? I genuinely believed he loved me once, obviously I was wrong...who calls the police on their pregnant ex??

OP posts:
Notmyweek2 · 06/12/2016 09:34

It is not BPD and that's a fact.
I used to have a psychologist, I even asked if it was however she has already confidently said no.

As for NPD. Oh definitely not!
I do not feel superior to others, if anything I feel I'm not good enough a person to even mix with some people...when I first met my ex, I honestly couldn't believe a guy like him would go for someone like me....he continually told me I was stunning and he couldn't quite understand how he met someone like me however I never believe it.

The only thing I get jealous about is others happiness, however I'm not one to try and make myself feel better by putting them down!

Manumission · 06/12/2016 09:34

Can you claim CM from a person not named on the birth certificate?

You can.

Notmyweek2 · 06/12/2016 09:36

Yeah reason he isn't going on the birth certificate isn't because of me but because of himself, I'm not allowed to contact him, police orders!

So I certainly won't be trying to contact to arrange to meet to put his name on the birth certificate.

He is already aware that should I claim CMS & he denies the child is his that he will have to foot all the costs associated as it's definite he is the father, so I can't imagine he'll be attempting to play silly buggers!

SestraClone · 06/12/2016 09:40

I didn't know that! A friend didn't claim it as she didn't want his name on the BC.

OP, I hope the CBT works for you & you manage to find some inner peace before your son arrives.

Notmyweek2 · 06/12/2016 09:44

The father can however take the matter to court and have his name put on the BC even if CMS isn't claimed.

Something I am more than aware my ex could do should he want too.

EternityNow · 06/12/2016 09:54

what a story

SlottedSpoon · 06/12/2016 10:04

its easier when people make their judgements based on what they think they see

I think that is what people are doing. They may be right, they may be wrong but We all draw conclusions about other people based on what they say, how they act and react and what we see/hear for ourselves rather than what we are told is 'fact' by that person. Of course we can't and shouldn't actually diagnose people, but it doesn't mean we dont occasionally join up the dots and see a picture emerging, and say so.

I know I have certain friends and acquaintances who if they tell me XYZ happened I can be pretty sure their account is accurate and balanced even allowing for the fact that they will inevitably have their own slant on the story.

Then I have others, who frankly I take every detail of their latest drama with a massive pinch of salt because I know they are prone to always painting themselves as the victim in any given scenario and exaggerating or just overthinking the alleged wrongdoings of others. I don't think they are liars, I think they genuinely believe it is as they tell it. But they are not always the most balanced or rational of people and they do like to have something to get themselves in a lather over. It seems to give them some sort of purpose in life. Confused

You don't have to tell anyone your personal business or details of your MH but you will already know whether people on here have 'accused' you of things that have been 'accused' of many times before. And if they have it's not because they have these amazing magical powers that allow them to see into your life, it's because you've given them enough insight to draw some conclusions on your threads.

SlottedSpoon · 06/12/2016 10:09

Sorry just seen your last post. Can I just clarify when people talk about BPD do they mean borderline personality disorder or Bipolar? It seems to get used for both so I am never sure.Confused

Notmyweek2 · 06/12/2016 10:20

They are on about borderline.

I'm not BPD nor Bipolar, neither have I got NPD (that would be my ex, which would make much more sense).

I'm simply a woman who has had a bad break up with an ex and quite frankly I'm upset yet people are trying to label me, it's unfair and of course won't be met with kindness.

I put my life into that man, I gave him all of me, I opened up to him, I agreed to have a baby with him, I've changed my future for him....I was willing to spend the rest of my life with him....he's left me high and dry, no contact and having called the police.

So please forgive me if I'm coming across defensive.

ocelot7 · 06/12/2016 10:44

You said your relationship was of 8 months duration? That's hardly yr life!

My relationship with my sons father was much longer & he also left me high and dry when I became pregnant. What was most annoying was him making promises to be supportive when I gave him the choice then not following through on anything! He never contributed a penny to upbringing of DS (he is in another country) and in fact owes me $1000 from then. I put him on birth certificate in his a sence as thought it important- you get him to make a statement(?) infront of a public notary.
I just had to get on with it - as do you. No point in thinking poor me/its not fair. I find your attitude to it all rather scary actually. And when you said you resented other people being happy(?). You do come across as quite self-absorbed but you need to get yr head around how demanding a baby is and be ready for that. You will need to put yourself second.

JustAnotherPoster00 · 06/12/2016 10:49

I'm not BPD nor Bipolar, neither have I got NPD (that would be my ex, which would make much more sense).

My borderline ex always used to tell me how it was me that had the pesronality disorder, turns out I dont Hmm

Notmyweek2 · 06/12/2016 10:53

I can't do this anymore, honestly cannot do it

myoriginal3 · 06/12/2016 11:00

Don't panic. Just breathe. I know you are heartbroken and angry and worried. This is understandable.
Try to talk with your family.
Maybe browse online for things for the baby.
We can support you here too if you want us to.
You're still reeling. Don't beat yourself up. Reach out and don't be scared to show your vulnerability.
People DO understand.

SlottedSpoon · 06/12/2016 11:12

What myoriginal said.

and as for your last post, notmyweek2 is that really you? You sound like a different person Wink

You seem as though a barrier has been broken down a bit now. That's a good thing. You can absorb some of the support and advice now instead of just railing against it. Things can and will be okay, honestly. It is such early days and you are understandably all over the place at the moment and hormones don't help but people here are not cruel or harsh for the fun of it. Honestly they aren't. They can help hugely if you let down your guard a little bit. Smile

Notmyweek2 · 06/12/2016 11:14

I'm simply being branded or labelled and that's not what I posted here for.

I'm not looking for people to defend me or my actions I.e emailing him and boss....the day before he received it I thought I had the wrong email address and was happy that actually he nor his boss would get it, I was wrong, I did have the email address and he did receive it.

I invested all my time in him & he left me out of the blue, it may have been a stupidly ridiculous relationship but silly me still loved him & it's hard to just go back to being single, regardless of whether it was 8 months or 8 years...my life was planned with him.

myoriginal3 · 06/12/2016 11:26

It is all a massive amount to deal with now. So give yourself credit!
We would love to support you and will even accept occasional meltdowns Wink
Have you any plans for today?

myoriginal3 · 06/12/2016 11:30

Also, maybe the single parenting section may be a good source of information and support for you too.
And obviously the pregnancy threads!
There's a lot to get excited about! Smile

Notmyweek2 · 06/12/2016 11:48

I've so much support around me, yet I feel so so lonely...stupid me is desperate for him to call me, ridiculous me would run back in a heartbeat and start all over again.

But rational me knows it won't happen and is for the best, we had a bad relationship and I won't bring my son up around that, he's my priority.....not my ex....I get so angry and emotional because I just want him to be a good dad, I don't want my son to feel unloved in anyway.

I want him to feel accepted in every way possible.

myoriginal3 · 06/12/2016 12:00

You have two things to look at.
Your heart break.
And your sons future interaction with stbx.
Social workers will be able to guide you with regards to the latter.
And we can try to support you with the former.

There's a thread at the moment about pfb moments. It is a great laugh and you might see all the madness you have to look forward to in the coming months.
It is incredibly difficult being a single first time pregnant mum. Try not to focus on what might have been.
Focus on what you can give.
You're a strong lady so have faith that you can be a fabulous mum to your baby.
Chin up.

Kr1stina · 06/12/2016 12:02

I understand that you want him to be a good dad. Of course you do, you wouldn't have chosen to have a baby with him if you thought otherwise.

But you can't make him do anything. And your attempts to make him do what you want may get you into more trouble or make yourself ill. You must let go of this and concentrate on what you CAN do for yourself and your baby.

I know it's hard. But the alternative is even harder.

Notmyweek2 · 06/12/2016 12:11

In regards to me and him, I'm doing very well.

I work full time so for 9 hours a day my mind is taken off all of that & when I get home all I think about is my baby.

I don't want to force him, I want him to want to be a part of his life, otherwise there would be no point in being there at all.

I know my emotions are all over the place right now and as time goes on, this will affect me less and less.

myoriginal3 · 06/12/2016 12:21

That's brilliant that you're working.

Success is the best form of revenge. Remind yourself of that if you ever feel overcome.

Keep this thread open I would suggest. We have all come to get to know you and your temperament a little here, so it might be a nice go-to thread for you to have, for when you need to shout and vent and we will gently tell you to give your head a wobble. Grin

myoriginal3 · 06/12/2016 12:30

I presume you are having a very healthy pregnancy? That is one godsend!
Are you considering names yet?
Have you decided on bf or ff?

Notmyweek2 · 06/12/2016 12:36

I don't think I'd cope very well if I didn't have work.

I'm the kind of person who enjoys social interactions.

I want to work until the baby is due so I can have the whole year with him.

The pregnancy besides a bit of morning nausea, has been perfect.

Every scan, they've seen all that they expected to see at each milestone. They expect it to continue as is and that is a healthy pregnancy, of course the stress that's been applied to this whole situation doesn't help but I'm managing it now.

I can't close the thread, I tried to soon after i started it, apparently MNHQ are enjoying it!

myoriginal3 · 06/12/2016 12:43

Well we have gotten to know you now, so I personally would love to keep in touch and updated.

We know you're a bit tetchy and defensive and you know that you'll hear it straight from us too.

It's like a match made in heaven hahaha.

It's good to have a safe place to come and vent and know that we will understand but also tell it like it is right back at ya! I'm sure my fellow posters agree.