Meeting old flame for first time in 20 years

[shopaholic]

Feeling really excited and miserable at the same time. Contacted 1st ever boyfriend (2 year relationship) on FR and have now arranged to meet up in 2 weeks. He is married too and has been responding to my emails enthusiastically (was originally just lunch now seems to be sacrificing his whole day for me). Problem is I v unhappy with DH at the moment and feel confused. Old boyfriend mega successful barrister, rich, good looking etc.DH bit of a loser, bitter, angry and bad tempered. Should I meet OB or not?

meant "his bride's day"

Chandra, maybe he hoped you would satnd up and scream I OBJECT!!

he sounds like a total git - why don't you leave him?

i promise you it is not the end of the world for you or the children to separate (quite the reverse)

lou33 all has happened over last couple of weeks.

Well maybe you need a bit longer without meeting to decide what to do iyswim. Or maybe you want to use this opportunity to find a reason to leave your marriage?

lou, I don't think I would have any objection at him marrying somebody else, as long as he was getting married...

I reckon the bride thinks you have feelings for him, and it makes her all the more grateful she managed to nab him !

Shopaholic, it may be that all this is happening to help you to realise that the marriage needs to be corrected or abandoned, probably all this about meeting your ex has had the good effect of making you realise that you deserve a much better behaviour than the one your DH is having towards you.

Thanks for all your advice - really do appreciate it. Got to go now as DH is going to walk thro door any minute! Speak again soon. Have a good Fri evening!

Actually, before they left for the honey moon she told me she was sorry she had not had time to speak with me about it, seem like a very compasionate person though , all the situation was so ridiculous that I can't remember it now without laughing.

Good luck Shoppo x

Lol Chandra

Yes good luck Shopaholic - we're all just concerned that you may be getting into something you could find hard to get out of. NO-one is judging you and as you can see so many people speak from valuable experience. Hope you have a good evening xx

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OK - can you meet up and have lunch but arrange to do something else in the afternoon at a set time - something which will cost you money if you cancel, I don't know, a pampering session, a massage or posh hair do, a day spa, a session with a personal shopper or something? Maybe with a friend so that you MUST show. Then - if the spark is there, you still have a reason to leave (think of his wife, if not your husband), you are reassured that you are still drop dead gorgeous, you will be in the right frame of mind for looking even better and more faaaabulous and will go back to your not so DH feeling (and looking) a million dollars and "glowing from within". That way you'll have had a lovely day and a nice lunch, he will have had a nice lunch and fantastic company and no-one will get hurt.

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God Sobernow that is awful. I'm so sorry. But you should not feel in anyway responsible, all those "friends" who are telling you that you are should feel guilt, not you: they enabled him to duck responsibility for his own life by perpetuating the myth that you "destroyed him" by leaving.

Shopaholic I think that you are making the best decision for yourself by not meeting up.I am entirely sympathetic to your present situation - I have been through a bad couple of years and at times I tell myself to wait until the children are older and then leave.Looking for what I don't get from my marriage is at times very tempting and I too tried to contact an old boyfriend a few years ago.I hear news of him through his mother, he has never taken the opportunity to contact me and I'm now very glad because at one time I was feeling very low and if he had given me any encouragement I don't know where it would have stopped.But it wouldn't have been "real" I think I would have just been trying to relive my late teens! Which is rather a joke and completely impossible as I am now 40+ !!! If you tackle the problem of your marriage first and maybe eventually leave you will then be able to start out full of self respect and certainty, and knowing that you are not responsible for any other womans unhappiness.

Sobernow, I'm really sorry - what an awful thing to happen. You really musn't blame yourself though. We all make our own choices

I agree with Bettybloo - you left his life 20 years ago and all his "friends" have watched him turn to alcohol for comfort and allowed him to do so. However, there is nothing to say that you are to blame for him turning to alcohol and ruining his life - there's nothing to feel guilty about.