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Original poster

Meeting old flame for first time in 20 years

182 replies

shopaholic · 22/06/2004 16:35

Feeling really excited and miserable at the same time. Contacted 1st ever boyfriend (2 year relationship) on FR and have now arranged to meet up in 2 weeks. He is married too and has been responding to my emails enthusiastically (was originally just lunch now seems to be sacrificing his whole day for me). Problem is I v unhappy with DH at the moment and feel confused. Old boyfriend mega successful barrister, rich, good looking etc.DH bit of a loser, bitter, angry and bad tempered. Should I meet OB or not?

OP posts:
Chandra · 23/06/2004 19:58

Well it may be the case that he also needs to know that he is still attractive... he must be flattered anyway just to get a bit of your attention.

Original poster
shopaholic · 23/06/2004 19:58

Aahh! Thanks spacemonkey.

OP posts:
Original poster
shopaholic · 23/06/2004 19:59

Lou33 - LOL . Lucky you being size 10!

OP posts:
spacemonkey · 23/06/2004 19:59

life is too precious and too short to waste being miserable with some git who can't even be bothered to treat you like a human being

(she proclaimed vehemently)

Original poster
shopaholic · 23/06/2004 20:01

Yes Chandra I think there is an element of that. Actually i've been stunned by his enthusiastic response considering he dumped me originally!

OP posts:
lou33 · 23/06/2004 20:01

I agree SM.

I didn't really mind Shopaholic, as the groom told me I looked beautiful, so it evened out

wobblyknicks · 23/06/2004 20:02

shopaholic - lou hasn't got an ounce of fat on her - am extremely jealous!!!

Original poster
shopaholic · 23/06/2004 20:02

Yes, i feel life is now too short not to go after what really makes you happy (if you know what or who that is). Esp now I am 41 which feels ancient.

OP posts:
lou33 · 23/06/2004 20:03

I totally agree shopaholic.

spacemonkey · 23/06/2004 20:04

HYPOTHETICAL QUESTION ... do you think your dh would actually notice or care if you had an affair?

(not suggesting affair with this man btw, was thinking if you were meeting a single man for lunch ...)

Original poster
shopaholic · 23/06/2004 20:04

OMG now I feeleven more confused than when I originally posted. I can see the two sides to the argument but don't know if the 'right' thing to do is follow head or heart?

OP posts:
Original poster
shopaholic · 23/06/2004 20:05

Yes I think he would mind a lot but may not notice unless I made it v obvious.

OP posts:
Chandra · 23/06/2004 20:06

Now that you mention that Lou, I remeber that once I met one of my Exs, I haven't seen him in years eventhough we sent the ocassional Xmas postcard, when we met he was totally different, he used to be atletic and very atractive, when we met he was very fat (nothing against fat people I still find my fat husband very attractive, and myself too ), he had a very boring conversation, he was an accountant seemed to have a lot of money but all the same I didn't find it all attractive. Few weeks later he send me an invitation for his wedding, and I decided to attend as we always said that we would o to each others wedding and because I was on a business trip to his city in the same week. It was really appaling to find out that the guy has told all his family and friends that I was an old girlfriend who was still in love with him, and I didn't realise until I overhead his Nanny (yes, he still had one) said "Oh poor chandra, the love of her life is getting married to another one, she sould be suffering deeply..." GRRRR

lou33 · 23/06/2004 20:06

Well there is noone in exactly the same situation as you, so all you can do is imagine each scenario, and how you would ultimately feel at the end of each one I suppose.

Original poster
shopaholic · 23/06/2004 20:06

Sorry last answer to Spacemonkey!

OP posts:
spacemonkey · 23/06/2004 20:06

I think the right thing to do is give dh a chance to put things on the right track. Talk to him, write him a letter - SOMETHING surely must make him sit up and take notice?

Then, personally, if he ignored that I'd either leave him or have an affair (depending on circumstances)

Easy · 23/06/2004 20:07

Shoppo,

I don't dispute that you deserve to be treated a damn sight better than your dh treats you now.

But that is a situation you need to resolve BEFORE getting involved with anyone else. Otherwise I suspect you will end up with 2 problems (dh and 'extra curricular activities' ) rather than one problem.

lou33 · 23/06/2004 20:07

Blimey Chandra, men can be so arrogant can't they?!

Original poster
shopaholic · 23/06/2004 20:07

Chandra thats GRUESOME. How embarrassing!

OP posts:
Original poster
shopaholic · 23/06/2004 20:09

Easy - cool abbreviation BTW . The problem is I don't know how to resolve my situation.

OP posts:
spacemonkey · 23/06/2004 20:10

resolution will be to fix your marriage (somehow) or leave him. The other option is just to put up with being miserable - but I don't consider that resolution or even a viable option.

Chandra · 23/06/2004 20:11

Really embarrasing, I just hope I have not ruined his bride day. If I have had any romantic feeling towards him I wouldn't have been to his wedding.

lemonice · 23/06/2004 20:11

Shopaholic forgive me if I'm wrong, but if you have now decided against going on v important lunch date does that mean opening up a new opportunity to meet some strange people in solihull environs?

I sympathise with you - split up with my exh at 42 after 23 years and should have done it sooner but kept trying to make things work. Take care.

Original poster
shopaholic · 23/06/2004 20:11

spacemonkey - have tried both those things MILLIONS of times and no good. As I say, I am at the end of my tether!!!

OP posts:
lou33 · 23/06/2004 20:11

When were you going to meet? How long between emailing him and arranging the meet passed?