I need it blunt and honest.

[Raineau]

Hello everyone, I'm hoping to get advice I probably already know but for whatever reasons am not listening to it. I'm mid 30's and have a child. I have been on my own since my husband left me pregnant to run off with his affair (haven't seen him since nor has my child) this is 9 years ago now.
Someone from work made a online dating page for me and I met a man a few years older than myself this was 7 years ago now. We would speak on face time and the speaking become daily. I would call him at all times and he has always picked up. He used to flirt with me and it went a little further than flirting as I thought we would meet up but he never asked. I would ask him but when the day would come around he would act as if I hadn't asked. So we have never met in person, only face time. I have his address as he does mine and I have checked him out and he lives alone. He tells me he has feelings for me and that he see's our lives together in the further but makes no attempt to make that happen. I have been honest with him and told him I'm beyond fed up of this but feel as if I'm now forcing him to meet me and if I have to do that I would rather it not happen.

He has told me that the last time he was with someone was a few months before he met me and he has been single all this time.

I feel as if this man have emotionally trapped me and I feel as if I can't step away but it's all so very strange and wrong.

What do I do?

So you have no time for RL friends or family, no social life or hobbies because you spend 2.5-3 hours a day talking to this man online / on the phone.

So you can't dump him because you have no one else . Is that right ?

You said a few posts ago you met him when you had a baby and had just given birth.

Yet in your first post you say your dh left you pregnant nine years ago and you said you "met" this guy seven years ago?

So have you really been taki

I agree with the poster above. I too have had a brilliant virtual rapport and met in rl and the spark was missing. That's why I only exchange minimum messages and meet, usually within a week.

Raineau, he needs to have your good opinion of him! All these years he's had you writing to him and confidinng in him and flirting with him as though he were an attractive catch? And he is probably a good judge of whether or not he's attractive or a catch! he reckons he's not.

It's not all looks I know, but he must know that his charisma isn't legendary, ykwim?

Oops half my message was missing. So have you really been talking to him longer than seven years if you'd just given birth?

What does he look like op? Is there any reason why he would think that you wouldn't like him in real life?

OP was tonight's argument about meeting up?

To the question regarding when I met him.
My husband left me pregnent. I had my child and shortly after I met him. We spoke only online at first, after a long time he asked me to prove I was the same women in my photos which I did do over Skype and MSN chat and then FaceTime. We have been speaking ever since. I have seen talking to him for seven years from when we started talking on the phone yes.

I think he looks nice. He hasn't got any hair because his bald. His nearly 40. He isn't fat his normal size but he has a bit of an issue with his size he calls himself fat, I tell him he isn't.

Forumdonkey- yes tonight's argument was about walking away. I asked him about meeting basically he then went silent which he does and I got upset and cross with him. I then posted on here because I felt I needed the push to walk away.

I can guarantee you that he is probably fatter than the picture you have in your head. He knows you'd overlook the 'fatness' that you think he is, so it must be fattER.

But that's not really the point. Fat men get girlfriends..... They're braver though. They leave the house, they maybe ask a woman out!

If your h left you pregnant then I can see how you slipped in to such an avoidant, convenient, affordable McRelationship

But you've changed. What's his excuse? Is he still stuck in the same place!

Raineau, let him be silent.

The only time my 'cyber relationship man' was ever cold to me was when I cut him off. He was always funny and supportive and communicative and complimentary. Well sure it was easy, from his sofa. ONLY when I told him that a cyber relationship wasn't hitting the spot for me and it was beginning to erode my self esteem and I needed to walk away did he display coldness towards me.

Sit it out. RESIST the urge to back and smooth things over. If you feel uncomfortable, then don't go back to him to fix thingss. Cos that would be temporary. Just patiently wait til that feeling of discomfort goes. It will.

SmallTownTwirl- Thank you so much for your advice and support. I don't believe it's his weight as if it was an issue he wouldn't be sleeping with other women a few months or weeks before meeting me online.

Also I have seen him on FaceTime which was only the other day and his normal weight. He has issues and I'm guessing it's either his not attracted to me/ he has someone in his life.

Either way you are 100% right and I need to just walk away. If our friendship meant anything he would be truthful to the real reasons why he doesn't want to meet me or he would be kind enough to have stepped away himself.

I'm going for it and deleting his number. I feel sick with sadness which is silly but it's the right thing to do.

Thank you again for all the support and advice.

Try not to analyse it. Whoever he's sleeping with, if he's sleeping with anybody at all, I would wonder why if you're supposed to be in a relationship even a cyber one is he telling you about women he's sleeping with!

Try to stay off the internet for a week if possible to break the habits. Go and buy yourself a few good books?! Treat yourself. Turn off the wifi, grab a good book. Or watch films on dvd. Watch tv.

The first three weeks are the hardest but then the habit will be broken.

If you feel like you need to ''explain yourself'' and you don't, maybe say something that can't be argued with like

This isn't what I want.. I'm no longer motivated to continue with this.

Don't try to soften it to be kind.

It's not now you'll need to be strong it's when he contacts you again. That's when you'll need us to keep you grounded with the reality of the situation rather than a fantasy.

To answer your question MrsHam13- I started online messaging when my baby was a baby so yes longer then seven years but it was only emails nothing more for a really long time, then I class the " meeting" as when I first went online with him on MSN camra (Skype thing) after that it was texting mostly and it become more and more until it was full phone calls and face timing daily. To tell the truth I don't remember when it was as once I saw the social media thing I deleted everything I had kept, photos and messages so I don't remember when we met before the seven years I just remember my child was a baby. So it's probably more 8 years then 7 but either way still too many years.

SmallTownTwirl & Forumdonkey- to be honest I think he don't bother too much in contacting me once I step away. I guess that's what is more upsetting on my part. I have needed him these past years and being able to pick up a phone to speak to someone who acts as if you mean something to them has been really nice. I do have friends but all are married and they don't have kids. I don't have family here so it's just me and my child, I do everything with just me and my child. I think I held on because once he goes then I will be truly alone, I understand I'm truly alone now but it felt like I wasn't completely.
I will step away from him, and I'm guessing he will contact me but I font think he will keep doing that and I think after a few days that will probably stop and that will be the hardest part.

I am slightly concerned that he has your address where your child lives, as he sounds pretty weird.

All the time you're talking with him you're not talking to 'real people'. You'll never find Mr right if you're spending all the time with Mr wrong. Your life is missing real life people because you've relied on him. You've missed out because you've spent time face timing him. Invite a friend or school mum over for a bottle of wine one night, sign up for old again. Fill the void and meet up with rl people. If there's an end it means there's a new beginning. It's all exciting and unknown but you know exactly what you've got with him, nothing but bs and disappointment.

Get counselling for yourself to find out why you have participated in this.

'as the day came he acted as if we hadn't arranged this day'

This is gaslighting.

You are dealing with a really messed up person.

Stop it today.

I hope you have'nt sent him any naked pictures or had "cybersex" or given him the opportunity to record you.

He sounds like a weirdo.

Ugh, so many men on Match are just seeking a pen pal - but don't tell you that. They just string you along as long as YOU LET THEM - because they have nothing to lose.

He's hiding something - a micro-dick, a hoarder house, 25 other pen pals, something.

Just ghost him. You sound like a cult member. Maybe professional help is in order. You've built him up into something he isn't.

I see that here too, BubblingUp - YY to cult member and professional help.