I need it blunt and honest.

[Raineau]

Hello everyone, I'm hoping to get advice I probably already know but for whatever reasons am not listening to it. I'm mid 30's and have a child. I have been on my own since my husband left me pregnant to run off with his affair (haven't seen him since nor has my child) this is 9 years ago now.
Someone from work made a online dating page for me and I met a man a few years older than myself this was 7 years ago now. We would speak on face time and the speaking become daily. I would call him at all times and he has always picked up. He used to flirt with me and it went a little further than flirting as I thought we would meet up but he never asked. I would ask him but when the day would come around he would act as if I hadn't asked. So we have never met in person, only face time. I have his address as he does mine and I have checked him out and he lives alone. He tells me he has feelings for me and that he see's our lives together in the further but makes no attempt to make that happen. I have been honest with him and told him I'm beyond fed up of this but feel as if I'm now forcing him to meet me and if I have to do that I would rather it not happen.

He has told me that the last time he was with someone was a few months before he met me and he has been single all this time.

I feel as if this man have emotionally trapped me and I feel as if I can't step away but it's all so very strange and wrong.

What do I do?

in the process of trying to cut contact op

it aint easy

I am a teacher lol. I teach Beauty Therapy at a college. I am also Dyslexic, spelling and grammar isn't my strong point, clearly nor are relationships.

You've posted about this before haven't you? I thought you'd arranged to meet after your other thread, did you issue an ultimatum?

It's obviously not going to happen. Don't waste any more time. Sunk cost fallacy?

What your friend's husband did was illegal. Police officers can't check random people's criminal records for no reason. He could lose his job and get prosecuted.

Block your guy.

57968sp- Thank you.
You are right and I need to cut him out of my life and get on with what is real.

Thank you.

farandole you can work for the police without being a police officer.
(Still shouldn't be checking PNC without reason though)

Agingrunner- I have arranged to meet him every year for seven years. This year it was September but as the day came he acted as if we hadn't arranged this day and as I knew he wouldn't show up neither did I and ending up going horse riding instead. He always acts as if we haven't arranged a date. I really don't want to keep arguing with him about this. I tell him off like a child regarding meeting and I'm tired now. I kind of just needed the push from everyone who have posted to get rid of him for good this time.

Ah, sorry Raineau!
You've done very well then :0)

Goodness me. This is v sad. It's not real OP it's not real life it's a fantasy, for him and maybe you too.
Block

Blackcherries/farandole- I'm sure you are right regarding my friends husband but I would say stalking him outside his home might look worse so I choose to take the help from with him checking him out. Also when I got him checked it was also because at the start I did think we would meet and I had a baby I wanted to make sure I wasn't inviting someone that maybe a risk to my child in my life.
It might have been a wrong thing to do, I'm sure it was but I really wanted to know if he was married and if he was telling the truth.

I think you either need to forget all about him (difficult after all this time). Or turn up at his house in person. It would take courage and nerve but at least it would be some sort of closure. I'd say it's very possible he is in a relationship even if he lives alone. If it was me I'd want to know the truth.

So have you blocked him and deleted his number?

Keepcoolcalmandcollected- that's ok. I think when I'm emotional my grammar and spelling becomes a lot worse.

Are you saying you have been FaceTiming for seven years?

Raineau - do you have someone in real life to talk to, like a counsellor?

You seem to be downplaying how serious it is though.

Your friend's husband could have a jail sentence if this was discovered.

Be strong, for yourself and your child. That guy is an illusion - he's not real.

Did you meet him on a dating website?

I can only echo what everyone has written here. You are not going to get your needs met in this liaison. I'm thinking the easiest way for you, (might not feel like it though), is to just completely cut him off. Go no contact. Block and delete and give yourself a chance to meet someone who is available. Though you can't be that available yourself if you've been hanging on in this fantasy for so long. Maybe this is safer for you in a way. After all you're never going to meet this guy.

So all your info is 7 yrs old & not recent?

I have face timed him for seven years yes.
He calls me every morning on his way out the door when he leaves for work, we both leave at 7am and we talk for about 30 minutes then I put my child to bed he calls me or I do him on FaceTime and talk about work, and stuff for two hours maybe more. This have even happened when we go away. He went to the US for six weeks and called me most days, I also done the same when I go away, it's sad but it's like we had a real relationship but it's not real.

Forumdonkey- yes I met him on match.

Years ago when we were maybe early 20's a friend of mine had a boyfriend. She thought they were a couple and went to his afternoon work and stayed over a few nights a week. It turned out he lived with a woman who worked nights and she only found out when she came home early ill one day!!!

Forumdonkey- yes the information from my friends husband isn't new. It was told to me about five years ago maybe six years ago.

All I know now is his name is real.
His age and address is real.
As we talk a lot I'm guessing he still lives alone.

I don't know about a relationship, he might have a GF, I have spoke to him a lot about this and he always repeats the same lines. " it's only you, it's always been only you" " I don't have a GF, I only talk to you"

I didn't think Face time had been available for that long.