My partner is damaging his daughter's mind, body and soul (follow on thread)

[RedStripeLassie]

A follow on from my dp doesn't look after his mind, body or soul (Offreds words for the title)
I understand people's anger, sadness and frustration at the situation I'm putting dd in but would appreciate further help as I feel I'm getting somewhere and don't want to lose the momentum and ignore everything.
Thanks to everyone that took time posting and don't feel like you have to again if you feel it's not going anywhere or its falling on deaf ears.

I posted extensively on your last thread. I remain unconvinced you will do what's necessary for your DD. My DH will bake cupcakes and make Xmas decorations with our child. He also isn't drinking/stoned when looking after them. I don't get given money in front of our family. We sit down and budget/agree finances. This is actually what normal looks like. It doesn't make him Dad/husband of the year - it makes him normal. Your barometer for acceptable behaviour around a child and indeed in a relationship is so far off where it should be.

Red There are 5 weeks until Christmas. If your DH could stay off the weed until then, that would be £350 to spend on your DD and if he stopped drinking and smoking fags, that would probably be another £200. Think what sort of Christmas you could give her. Instead, you're reduced to selling her clothes on EBay for a few quid and then he charges you for the postage. I really am trying to be supportive but I am struggling. Right now, I just want to shake you and tell you to WAKE UP to what you are doing to your daughter. I don't doubt that you love her but, right now, you are failing her. I don't know how long I can keep reading this.

I'm so glad you started a new thread OP.
Gutted that you're scared to discuss money. That's not what a partnership should be.
Scratch cards everyday? So he's addicted to gambling too?
You must see that giving you the money is deliberate manipulation.
I do NOT think your DD would be better without you. But better without being around legal drugs? Yep. Totally.

Yeah I am starting to think I might be out of this, my supportive feelings are waning into annoyance a bit. I can't help it, it just seems like such a drippy sad waste of life like waiting to die, having never lived or trapped in some twilight zone.
Seems just another person wasting precious moments of a life you only get once to enjoy with no rewinds, no refunds.
Good luck to you - this might be the life for you now and that's what you are choosing, hope you are aware of the risks involved with your choices if anyone comes knocking on your door over it you have a lot of handy remorseful sounding excuses at the ready.
Is the saying 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions?'

That's how it feels. A slow existence going no where. I really don't blame you for losing faith. I've really appreciated your input and I'm more aware than anyone that I'm going round in circles because I've been doing that for years. Anger, sadness, panic, relief, happiness and repeat. I'm a sad arse and yes , I do know it. I want to change, in afraid of change and I don't trust my own judgement. Honestly my fear would be for dd to end up like me.

And buying a few scratch cards every day is a pointless waste of money but it's not an addiction!

Thanks wolfie, that wasn't to you BTW

Ms hookups. That amount of cash being wasted does make me so angry. I will make sure dd has another lovely, family and gift filled Christmas. All her Christmases have been magical so far and I'll make sure this one is no different.

Fuck! msHoolies

Have any of her christmases been drug or alcohol free?

Have any of them been with a Dad who doesn't piss away all the family money on weed/booze/scratch cards... at least last Christmas was spent with a potentially dangerous light switch that hadn't been fixed and that was smashed by her angry sweaty father...

What you are doing is washing her, dressing her and buying her presents this does not make a magical Christmas.

No, last year dh was an embarrassment but saying that, my dad couldn't stand up by the mid afternoon and one of my sisters (uncharacteristicly) had her head in a toilet during dinner. So he wasn't exactly out of place.

Urgh

Honestly 'magical christmas'?!?!

I can't emphasis how important it is for you to stop deluding yourself that DD's life is happy and lovely.

It is a horrible life.

I'm starting to really hope this is a wind up, and at the least wish there was a way for MNHQ to be able to report shit like this in real life.

Can you honestly not see how your posts are coming across OP? "Aww it's ok that my husband is a druggie scum who was high at Christmas, because the rest of my family are just as fucked up too! Ho homho!" stop giving a shit about the waste of space you live with and start actually giving a shit and actually doing something for your poor bloody daughter!!!

Has she ever been to a family event ever where people were sober?

In fact has her dad ever had 24 hours of being sober in her whole lifetime?

Why are you more attached to your delusions than your DD's wellbeing?

Magical??

Dad - an embarrassment
Grandad - can't stand up
Aunty - puking

Not my definition of the word.

Do other people's families not take it too far at Christmas? I feel like this is a parallel universe sometimes.
I do give a shit or I wouldn't come back like a glutton for punishment. I want so much to pretend I'm suddenly strong and leave him but what's the point I that? I actually really listen to the advice but I feel stuck. If I was to categorically list all the lovely day to day normal things we do it wouldn't get me anywhere.

People drink at every occasion in both our families but not always to excess.

offred He wasn't meant to drink a month prior to his op (that I detailed in the last thread) and he lasted a week. It was so nice.

Keep it simple. Ask yourself:
Do I think my partner is harming his DD's mind body and soul?
Do I want her mind, body and soul to be harmed?
Is she mature enough to prevent this happening to her?
Am I mature enough to prevent this happening to her?

You don't need to ask more than this to decide what to do next.

No, that's not what Christmas looks like in most families. That's not what most children your DD's age are dealing with at Christmas.

Scratch cards every day? I'm afraid that is an addiction. Occasionally is fine. I'm guessing if you challenged him that he wouldn't go without would he? That's an addiction.
That Christmas sounds bloody awful. Yes we all overdo it. I eat too many quality street. I also drink in the day (which I never usually do!) I think last year we had a bottle of champagne between about four adults. Then stopped. No one threw up or took illegal drugs. We were all capable of looking after the kids, cooking the roast and having a lovely time.

No, people don't get falling down drunk or drunkenly embarrass themselves around children in my family. Not ever. If there was someone doing that around my children I would take them home - it would frighten them. I've never even seen anyone in my family like that even without children around.

One of my sisters is a big drinker too.

Going overboard at Christmas means eating a lot of food, maybe drinking 4 bottles of wine between 16 people. Doing activities with the children etc. Maybe playing cards against humanity and eating mince pies when the children are asleep.

Anyway, I'm confident that if that did occur one time with my dc it would not be a massive problem, I would take them home, they wouldn't have to stay there and they wouldn't be going home to an environment where their father drank and smoked every single day or be used to going to a family event where there was always alcohol/weed.