I've read both your threads.
I've had dealings with SS before in a professional capacity. You often hear these days that SS are too busy with the cases of extreme abuse to worry about children who are well fed with a roof over their head. Well, that's not entirely accurate - to be honest, if you lived in my area, you'd be counting down the days until SS involvement. It's not if but when, and it's going to be months rather than years.
Time is ticking. Your DD is getting older, and I think you're going to find that starting school will be the real game changer. You won't be able to hide or minimise the awful life your DD is living. Think of all the nativity plays, the harvest assemblies, the parent teacher meetings with your DH turning up drunk and stoned, your child's PE kit stinking of weed and fags, the school trips you won't be able to afford.
I hate to say it, because I promise I'm not usually this harsh, but you know that child in school with the old shabby clothes with yoghurt down the front for a week straight, who smells, who never gets invited to parties because they have no idea how to act or what to do, because they curse and swear and play that Barbie is falling down drunk?
The child that other parents pity, won't invite round, not because the child is a bad child, but because they don't want the association with the druggie parents?
That's going to be your daughter. You're almost there as it is. You may focus on the small points "but my daughter isn't smelly! I wash her clothes!"....but if that washing machine breaks, how long until you scrape enough money for the new one? In your house, drugs and alcohol come first after all
I know many children from average homes, two parents working, a bit skint towards pay day, jobs not much above NMW. Here are the things they have, which your daughter will never have unless you get your act together and leave druggie DH
-Piano lessons
- Guitar lessons
- Dance classes
- Scouts/guides
- Holidays - even just a weekend camping
- Days out- the zoo, the steam train, the museum
- residential school trips
- Warm, good quality clothes bought whenever they need them
- Nice toys
- Sleepovers with friends
Oh, and of course, a secure worry free existence. One where they don't see mummy treated like shit by druggie dad.
I know a lady, a single mum who works as a canteen supervisor and also does some shifts in a care home. Not great money. Her son started a hobby when he was five. He was so talented at that hobby that he is now travelling around Europe to participate in it, and is already being offered different grants /scholarships with a view to doing it professionally. Luckily it is at a stage where it pays for itself, but for years his mum scrimped every penny so he could continue to pursue the hobby and utilise his talent. In ten years, all going well, he'll be potentially earning more money in a month than his mum has made in a year.
Now I know that is a unique situation, but my point is this: that boy is in a fantastic position due to his mum giving him opportunities, chances to try his hand at something. It's now turning into a career. Even if it hadn't, the point is she gave him a chance, despite not having much herself.
You are giving your daughter no chances. You are taking her chances, her opportunities in life away from her, because you are allowing her to live in a home where she is not put first, where her health, confidence, self esteem will be irrevocably damaged by the fucked up situation you see as normal.
I know it's not easy. But nothing in life is easy. Being a good parent is not easy at the best of times. But women, right now, are walking miles across deserts to give their children a better chance. They are sailing across miles of sea on cheap rubber dinghies to give their children a better chance. If they can be brave and do the right thing for their children, then so can you