I cheated

[SweetPeaPods]

I cheated last night. I was away for a work conference. I really don't know how I feel about it. I can't tell dh it would break him.
We have been married nearly 7 years and I have never done anything like this. Never had a ONS in my life.
Part of me is flattered that this guy found me attractive when I feel fat and frumpy. We have 2 DC under 3. Things haven't been great between me and DH but I never thought of cheating or leaving him etc. I know that's not an excuse, but we hardly see each other and very little quality time together.
I keep going from thinking WTF have I done to thinking why don't I care more and why am I not more upset. I don't really know why I'm posting tbh. I know I've done wrong, please be gentle with me. I would be absolutely devastated if it was the other way round so feel like such a heartless cow

I didn't use him for sex. I didn't set out to have sex. I asked him to stop several times after we kissed.

Well actually this is starting to sound a bit different. What did he do when you asked him to stop? You've said before you consented to sex, in what way?

I consented because I let my him do it. I consented because I didn't push him off me.
I hardly chucked him out the room after.
Argh this is a complete and utter mind fuck I don't know what to think or what to do.
I'm over analysis things and maybe I'm reading to much into things I don't know.
Yes he was forceful but maybe that's his style, maybe that's normal for a ONS. I don't know I have little to compare it to. Dh is gentle where as this was rough and heavy handed. I'm not making excuses for any part I played I'm just trying to work things out in my head. Maybe I should do that away from mn

I really don't know Navy.
I would be gutted yes , but I never thought I would so now it's happened I really don't know. I never imagined I would be in this situation.
All those saying tell him- how? When ?
It's not that easy. We live 300 miles away from any family. The DC have swimming and football today then back to work tomorrow. I I know it won't be easy but it's not that simple either

OP, I would also come off MN. Some of the posters on Relationships are women who have been hurt by cheaters. They are understandably angry and looking to get the boot in, hard. The advice is not with your DC in mind.

Anyone who has had a ONS should have some empathy with you over how you are feeling. It's horrible feeling used and targeted, especially if you think this is something he does regularly.

As well as that, you've got guilt. That's horrible to live with but it is the price to pay. The best way forward is to use how this has made you feel to focus on your marriage. Do you want to make this work? Do you want your DC to live between two homes? Do you want to have to share them at Christmas? Use this to give you a fright.

Don't tell DH or any one else. And don't seek out that ONS guy again.

Thanks add

You've made a terrible mistake. Don't say anything, get on with your life and never do it again. You will have to live with the guilt.

If your never going to do this again I would say keep quiet and I say that reluctantly

Navy of course I'm not carrying on as before. But it would probably take a fair bit for him to notice anyway. He's hardly said 2 words to me since I got home. Yesterday I said I felt hungover and tired so he thinks I'm tired which I am, very. I've worked a lot of hours this week. This conference was work, not a social delegate.

Navy, it's true that I don't know he targeted the OP but the OP didn't target him.

Even if it was a spur of the moment decision by both of them, being left straight after sex is going to feel yuck and cheap. Add guilt and the OP is paying her own price for this.

I don't think the OP can 100% guarantee that she won't do it again. She has already said she didn't think she would do it the first time...

Things aren't right. We argue all the time. I don't want our marriage to break up and use the ONS as an excuse. We really need to work out what we both want.
I don't want to be a single mum and he really doesn't want the kids to grow up with separated parents like he did. We both need to put in more effort.

If money was no option then yes. Sadly it really won't be feasible.

I'm really sorry you're having marriage problems. However it's not good if you're arguing in front of the kids, or living in a hostile environment. Kids pick up on these things, and can have a detrimental effect.

Simply, if things are broken beyond repair then staying together for the kids isn't necessarily the right thing to do.

Why, if you love your husband at all, would you tell him? You would hurt him terribly and if you want your marriage to have a future, you shouldn't destabilize it any further. Cheating rocks the foundation of even a secure marriage, which yours doesn't seem to be. So forget the mea culpa

I don't believe you'd have another ONS if you truly want your marriage to work. Put this behind you and concentrate on strengthening your relationship with your husband.

So are you saying this guy raped you?

Because honestly if he did, he did. No excuses make it ok.

But it sounds like you are rejecting writing this to make yourself feel better. He was in your room, why? If you changed your mind at the last minute that's ok. You can do that.

But in the space of this thread it's gone from you wanting to have sex and being enthusiastic with him because your were flattered to hinting that he raped you.

If he did I am sorry you have been through this and you must tell your dh. You will need support. If you are rewriting history it's disgusting and an insult to women who have been raped or sexually assaulted.

I am not rewriting history or insulting any one that's been raped or abused.