Splitting up the kids ?

[Pisssssedofff]

Basically DS and DD3 are really close.
DD2 is no trouble at all and DD1 just needs peace and quiet and she's fine too.
I am seriously considering buying a flat for DD1 16 now and DD2 when she's 16 and parking them in it.

Their dad is fucking hopeless.

We are all going around the twist with the fighting, lack of space, lack of privacy etc.

I just hate the idea of splitting them up but it's going to happen eventually right ?

it's just the expectation that people will put themselves out with no thought which I guess is teens all over the world isn't it ? She is very sweet, it's a lovely thing to do and if she was paying for the taxi or driving herself id be super proud but honestly when you get treated like shit you're less generous about these things believe me. Anyway bedtime for me. Thanks all

But why wouldn't you pay for a taxi when you will pay for a flat?

Bob I'm sorry but the first time I hit anyone is have been out the door, I don't think there's any compromise there tbh and she's got away with murder because I've been distract with the divorce etc. Anyway I feel a bit like this is going round in circles now

I diagree my dad was a disciplinarian and we got treated hard as children but it's a different world now , you are going round in circles because you made your mind up before posting asking what to do ... That hasn't changed even with all the good advise given .

Well exactly it is s different world now, I would have been battered black and blue if I'd done half the things my kids have done. thank goodness those days are gone. I have made my mind up because it's what works for us isn't it ?

Good posts mummytotwomonkeys

Oh and we've done CAHMs many msny many times

Surely this means she has significant mental health problems?

Getting plastered is totally different from volunteering. No parallel.

And yes, all teens, make plans and think their parents will facilitate.

Make difficulty over her wanting to do this and you are cutting off your nose to spite your face.

I'd kick her out. And call the police every time she assaults her sibling/s

Honestly, you have to do what you have to do, but aren't you simply rewarding her awful behaviour? If I'd thought for a second that being a little shit would have landed me my own flat I shudder to think what I would have gotten up to!

And what's the alternative kick her out and report her to the police ?
At least if she's in the flat I know she has a safe place to go to. She will do stupid stuff, we've all done daft things, but she'll have somewhere to call home which is more than me or the other 3 have atm

I honestly shake my head, your daughter wants to volunteer her time helping those less fortunate on Christmas day and she is the selfish one....... I would be unbelievably proud if my teenage daughter wanted to do this. And comparing her friends to those that shoot their peers...... I am lost for words. Buy her a flat, she honestly might be better off away from your bitterness.

You've not met the friends monkey - and it depends on the motivation behind the volunteering doesn't it ... Why not volunteer this Saturday, or next, why is it exactly the first time any volunteering for anything at all is the first family Christmas in 18 years ? I smell a rat

I don't know if I missed this bit but, does she like the idea?

She does. Of course I'm worried about the reality who wouldn't be, when I first found myself overnight without exdh I was scared, I do realise there will be other issues. I'm leaving more towards sticking her in the converted garage than the flat but Independence Day is still going to happen with all the DC's isn't it

OP the converted garage sounds like a good plan to me.

Of course there is rat in the Christmas plan, but if she goes she will be doing something good (and may learn something) and if she doesn't she wil be turbo-charged terrible and ruin everyone else's Christmas. It sounds to me as if she has deliberately rescued herself and you all from her feelings.

Sorry, OP, no advice, but I understand.

I only had one child and even then I was at the end of my tether at times.

I was also hell for my mother as a teenager and she sent me to live with my df, which didn't work out and ended up living in a bedsit in London when I was seventeen. Everyone reacts differently to situations, but in those days it wasn't that unusual for a 17-year-old to be independent.

Is a larger, shared ownership property for you all anoption? So you pay half mortgage, half rent on a bug house?

You are coming across very very badly.
You've made a lot of references to your childhood such as being 'ripped a new one', and that you would have been 'beaten black and blue' etc. It sounds as though your upbringing may be colouring the way you deal with your daughter. I was a 'normal' teenage (not off the rails by any means but did the usual drinking/pushing boundaries/staying out late/teenage attitude) which was dealt with appropriately by my parents but I never feared being beaten black and blue or being 'ripped a new one' (awful phrase).

IMHO You are hurt that she doesn't want to partake of family Xmas. She is doing it deliberately to goad you. She is making you upset deliberately, in way of vengeance, for her real or imaginary injustices.
I agree she should be encouraged to do soup kitchen
Drive her there, & order taxi home.
Enjoy a stress free day with the others, (which is exactly what you hope to obtain by moving her away from them. after all)
She is expecting you to fight over this, Don't.

It's chicken and egg isn't it, she's pulling away no doubt to do her own thing but the more she separates herself the happier everyone else is without her which is not exactly what I planned

It's not what you planned ? and so ? adapt