Splitting up the kids ?

[Pisssssedofff]

Basically DS and DD3 are really close.
DD2 is no trouble at all and DD1 just needs peace and quiet and she's fine too.
I am seriously considering buying a flat for DD1 16 now and DD2 when she's 16 and parking them in it.

Their dad is fucking hopeless.

We are all going around the twist with the fighting, lack of space, lack of privacy etc.

I just hate the idea of splitting them up but it's going to happen eventually right ?

rollonthesummer how does anyone afford it ? You get a job. I'm not expecting her to pay for that until she's 18 but once she is she will have student loans and a part time job like everyone else in the world

I would argue that most 18 year olds do not live in a flat alone. I lived in a flatshare at 18 at university, but that was with 4 others and bills were affordable because they were shared. I just wonder how much she can feasibly earn in part time job?

University halls are £150 a week, bills on her house/ flat would be less than that. The student loans they get are more than enough to cover it without a job, I'd say she'll be just fine

Well, you've made your mind up then. Good luck with it all.

Thank you

Yes, good luck. Perhaps you'll come back and let us know how it all goes.

Why is everyone so horrible to the OP?
I think if finances allow, and she is sensible, the flat is a good idea. And it can be rented out later if needed. Besides, she can come home whenever she wants to, so it's not like she's been thrown out!
Only thing is, I wouldn't make it 'her' flat. Not till she is much older anyway.

Tardi: Can she come home whenever she wants to? I am not getting that impression at all.

And people are critical of the OP because they disagree with her and think this is an awful solution to the problem, but the OP just cracks on regardless, having asked whether she is being reasonable and having been told no.

Why is everyone so horrible to the OP?

I don't understand either, I find some of the comments here rather upsetting.

I can't help thinking that very few of the people commenting have ever had to deal with a difficult teenager, which is hard enough without also having to worry about protecting younger children.

Actually I didn't ask if I was being unreasonable at all and even if I had, fuck me imagine that, making decisions for myself ... The audiacity !
Atenco I have a skin like a rhino and tbh, i figured most replying don't have teens, don't have teens like mine - comparing her to a kid who's been a pschy unit is just ridiculous, she's a brat, that's my fault I'm sure but she's not ill. Many people will learn as they go through the years of parenting, just as I did that you can do everything right and things not turn out how you'd hoped. I have friends who are model parents, fabulous people and their little shit of a don makes their life hell with his performing. It's not easy being a kid these days but parenting is harder than ever.

Fair enough, OP. I really don't get why you posted at all tbh. You had clearly already made up your mind what you were going to do.

Tardigrade001. The truth is she probably won't come home once she's moved out because she has all these amazing plans and goals and none of them fit in with my plans.
So she'll be out in the world on her own one way or another in 18 months anyway, if anything this lets me make sure she's used to being independent before she really is on her own.

Trifleorbust I posted for my benefit not yours.

Obviously. What I mean is, I don't understand what benefit you were looking to get. Validation?

Does she have Aspergers? My daughter sounds very similar. I can manage her when I'm not tired but she is hard work and I feel desperate at times. She does have a lovely side to her too. I must admit if I was on my own I would find it impossible to cope too as the other children do suffer from her meltdowns.

My DH breaks things up so we try to give her one on one time and she a different girl. I think we are all on the spectrum tho have you considered this at all?

She probably needs more of your time not less could you hire a childminder or nanny?

Too much noise and people invading her space with no downtime is classic meltdown scenario. It will cause violent outbursts.

I haven't read the whole thread yet so would be surprised if this hasnt been suggested.

swoonmacaroon my father definitely has aspergers, classic case and I see a lot of his behaviour in her. She may well need more time, who would I hire a nanny for though, a 14,12 and 6 year old ? They'd tell me to get stuffed ... They go to their dads eow, I've offered to do movies, lunches etc with her on those weekends, she's happy just quietly doing her thing. She's at the movies tonight with a friend and god it's peaceful here.

I feel for you it is bloody impossible at times. The worst time is after school until bedtime. You can't get on with making the dinner etc because screaming and shouting will breakout pretty much constantly if I'm not marking them.

The main thing for me is I remember as a kid being absolutely notified at the behaviour, the stomping out of restaurants, the cancelling fucking Christmas at 10 am on the morning, all this shit. Frankly he should have stayed the hell away from his family, they made him miserable and the more he was forced to try the more miserable it made us too. My daughter will be the type who will either marry another nerd and they will live in happy squalor together or she'll be very happy alone and I might not like tat but I accept it and just want her to be ok

Well, my point was that she'll be able to come home if she wants to, right?
She may have plans, but it's good to have a place to go back to when you need it.

Of course she can, the doors always open as things stand at the moment, if she puts one of the yonder ones in hospital and I have questions to answer then the door firmly shuts for her which is my worst fear.

What a nasty woman you are op. The problem isn't your daughter, it's you.

Awww thanks for that, I'll go and reform immediately upon your say so. Buying her a house, paying her bills, sat outside the cinema now picking her and her friend up. What an absolute cunt eh

I think the problem is that you are v aggressive in the way you talk and the language used about your daughter and other peoples kids even.
You obviously are v v angry about the way you were treated in childhood and it would help if you could resolve those feelings and resentments because you are projecting your anger onto everyone else esp your daughter(who no doubt can be difficult).
That is why people are suggesting you get help to break this cycle . I hope you can find some support for both you and your daughter to help you all as a family. Good luck

flapjackfairy I'm posting on an Internet forum to let off steam, I don't appreciate being attacked for parenting my kids a damn sight better than most people do tbh and if I react to that it shouldn't come as a shock.
I actually did go for counselling before I had my daughter and it resolved nothing tbh, had a good cry but that's probably hormones but I don't know what wand people think therapists have to wave

I have a 10 year old son with asperger like traits and he is incredibly hard work. I am in top of things but at times I become a vile parent as I am knackered and demoralised by some of the behaviours.

My other 3 children need a bloody medal as they have been bitten, hit, tripped over, insulted by him but still love him but I feel upset they had to put up with it.

Si I understand why you feel like that, I considered seriously sending our son for a period to stay with my parents abroad to get a break and even boarding school but could never follow through as I miss him and he misses us bur who knows what will happen when the teens hit.

I really feel your pain x