Splitting up the kids ?

[Pisssssedofff]

Basically DS and DD3 are really close.
DD2 is no trouble at all and DD1 just needs peace and quiet and she's fine too.
I am seriously considering buying a flat for DD1 16 now and DD2 when she's 16 and parking them in it.

Their dad is fucking hopeless.

We are all going around the twist with the fighting, lack of space, lack of privacy etc.

I just hate the idea of splitting them up but it's going to happen eventually right ?

I agree with flapjack and I didn't say your daughter was the same as my son but made the example to show I have experience of difficult family life.....
You have made plans for your family they just don't include your daughter . Please don't wrap it up under the guise of 'buying her a property'. What if she wants to go away to uni? Halls are not covered by student loans particularly if your stashing cash.
It's obvious why your daughter is 'difficult' or a normal teen.

I wasnt attacking you just giving you my take on things because sometimes people outside a situation can see things we cant and there may be some benefit in that.
And i know counselling is no magic wand and it is hard to overcome deep seated issues (i have spent years getting my own head straight) but you are sound generally unhappy and some one to offload to and bounce ideas off in counselling could be useful.

Get the flat or a motor home or hiuee with convertible garage. No one criticising you on this thread has a better solution to the violence you daughter shoe's to her siblings. What about them. I have been in a similar in some ways position. Once my younger kids started to be affected social services were very much either he goes or they do. He was 16 . No one knows what it's like until they live it.

Nothing she has described would warrant SS involvement....

You've been very rude to wannabestressfree she was as she said just showing that she has a difficult family life. So can empathise.
You way you talk about your daughter with such disdain I wonder if she came across this thread how she would feel. Probably very upset.

Op what happened to the home you were renting out?

I feel so sad for your daughter. No wonder she doesn't feel loved.

If you bought a flat & rented it out, would it not give you enough extra money to rent a bigger house?

Maybe a good solution if you think further down the line to somewhere you might like to be in your older age. There would need to be a lot of conditions and understanding that it's your flat not hers. If she's not in full time education etc all deals are off.

I meant if the daughter is hitting her smaller kids a lot, if that is the main issue. Although the other issues just seem like a teenager being self centred and jealous . But if the hitting and bullying the smaller ones was to get out of hand.also as she is getting older she might move out in a more natural way off her own back in a few years.

Wow haven't read the 9 pages since my post. But is a granny annexe type set up possible? She has her own bedsit type arrangement?

This must be a very difficult situation and I do feel for you. Of course you have to protect your younger children, and it is not easy to see the best way. Certainly the solutions you have mentioned sound better than a hostel.

At the same time, I think there is a danger that you are tying yourself into some very inflexible thinking.

You claim to know that your dd will never marry because she is totally committed to her studies and (reading between the lines) is a bit of a nerd/slob. That could have been a description of me at the age of 16, right down to the dreadful clothes sense and teaching-myself-Latin (info from earlier thread). I had no social life whatsoever and was fully convinced I would never have a boyfriend. By the age of 19 I had met the man I am still together with, over 30 years later.I am still as nerdy as ever when it comes to my interests, but my personal life has changed beyond recognition. People do change.

In your previous thread, you claimed to know exactly what uni would be right for your dd in 2 years time. Again, you can't know who she will be in 2 years time, and as other posters pointed out the uni she was off to see actually sounded like a perfect fit for the person she is now.

I totally understand that she is giving you a hard time, and you have to see to everybody's welfare, including your own. But unless you admit to yourself that she may change in all sorts of ways over the next few years, you aren't really giving her the chance to change for the better. If she thinks "Mum has already decided what I'm like and people can't change", then she won't change.

You acknowledge she may have Aspergers. Yes you talk as if she has control over her reactions. So clearly you don't understand Aspergers.

The way you speak about her is beyond annoyed. and upset and frustrated. It's disdainful and dismissive. You've had days to "let off steam' and yet your tone has not changed.

I think you have found a very interesting and unconventional solution to a very challenging problem.

There is a huge element of trust in what you are considering, and it is hard to see why that is justified but you know your daughter best and your solution is no more unusual than her behavior.
If you were not living in rented now - or with long term stability - then the "garden cabin" solution, might be possible - freedom within limits for a lower cost - it could also be dismantled and sold on to mitigate the cost later - a relatives son lived in a "Cabin" for some years whist saving the deposit for his own house and it was cosey, also spacious and independent, compared to the space he would have had in the house - but I assume this is not possible as you do seem to have thoroughly considered your options - oh and the daily mail are cunts...because you know where this is going..!